Move On...country lyrics

[Mark Kaufman]

Any critiques are welcome. I've got music, just trying to write a fun one for a male country artist.Move OnI said I'd take Sue outBut she started to poutWhen I told her I had to work lateWell I love that galSo I called my palAnd Joe said he could pick her up at eightSo I finished my shiftPut away the forkliftWalked into that bar and turned redI saw Joe gettin' bolderSo I tapped him on the shoulderAnd I looked him in the eye and I saidMove onMove onAin't there any other place you'd rather be?Move on'Cause the lady's gonna dance with meWell I've known JoeSince high school, soI figured he could figure it outBut he whipped aroundLooked me up and downGot mad and he began to shoutHe said you damn fool jerkGet on back to workRight now I'm the one dancing with SueFirst it's favors on the phoneNow it's leave me alone?Well this here's what you can doMove onMove onAin't there any other place you'd rather be?Move on'Cause the lady's gonna dance with me(INSTRUMENTAL)Sue said all rightYou two can fightBut if that's the kind of date you plannedI'm gonna join my friendsHaving drinks at the endOf the bar with those boys in the band'Cause the truth is, boysWhat a girl enjoysAin't like your idea of romanceSo if you wanna get luckyBetter think quick, Bucky'Cause me and the girls, we're gonna danceSo move onMove onAin't there any other place you'd rather be?Move on'Cause these ladies wanna dance with meOh yessireeMove onAt least the ladies wanna dance with me(Copyright 2007 by Mark Kaufman)

[cegan]

Love it! I had absolutely no problem picturing this type of scenario in my head - very well written lyrics to paint the picture. Would like to hear it with the music when you have it ready. So make sure if when you get it to that point- that you let us hear the music to go along with the words.

[Mark Kaufman]

Hey thanks, Cegan! I'm a Minneapolis guy myself...well, if New Hope counts. Welcome to the boards.The music is uptempo and rowdy, sort of a cross between "Hot Rod Lincoln" and "A Boy Named Sue". I usually don't write country, but if I can work on it, my odds of selling something sure would increase! Still I'm expecting some hard critiques on this one---very competitive and specific market, and I think this has a ways to go still... -Lyle

[marcin]

HI!Today I got an honest and "bad" critique on a "country" lyric in one of my songs - so I'm maybe not the right person to say something about someone elses lyrics. but I noticed some ... hm... I don't know how that's called maybe "line breaks"... I mean like here:Having drinks at the endOf the bar with those boys in the bandMaybe it's cool with music, but "on paper" it looks a bit strange to me.It's only in the last verse. In the first two you always use statements over 3 lines - which is fine. But in the first half of the last one you change that scheme returning to it in the second half.But as I said maybe it all works with the right music... so I'd love to here that one! ByeMarcin

[Mark Kaufman]

Thanks Marcin! I've got plenty of Thumbs Downs on my own stuff, so welcome to the fun!Yes, in this case I think the music works in favor of that "non" line break...that passage sings very well and makes it extra fun. But there are other aspects of the lyric I worry more about.I'll post this once I find the time to record it...this one will be a challenge, though. It's fast and wants some great pickin' and fiddlin'....I can pick okay, and the only fiddle around is my 13 year old daughter...I think we'll have to wait a few years on her, so I'll skip the fiddle for now.