My First HIp Hop Song - Girls Night Out

[DorothyWallace]

I'd love to get feedback on this new Hip Hop song I wrote - especially if that's your genre. It's a rough demo. I'm going to try to get it produced based on the feedback I get here and the custom critique. I had a lot of fun with my Garage Band software. (I even sampled Timbaland. LOL!)

Girls Night Out

Tonight’s the night me and my girls go out to play
Gotta chill after the boss was breathing down my neck all day
I got my sexy on everybody’s looking hot
We’re all meeting up tonight – same time same spot

I’m not saying I don’t want ya
I don’t wanna start no drama
Tonight I need my space because
Tonight is for the ladies

(Chorus)
It’s Girls Night Out
That’s what I’m talking ‘bout
Got my cell
Got my keys
Turn the music louder please
I’ll buy a drink for you
Bartender got my credit card
It’s Girls Night Out
No Boys Allowed

The girls are gonna rock this party all night long
DJ’s gonna play our favorite Timbaland song
Once we get it started we can never slow it down
They’ll have to kick us out when morning comes around

I’m not saying I don’t want ya
I don’t wanna start no drama
Tonight I need my space because
Tonight is for the ladies

(Chorus)
It’s Girls Night Out
That’s what I’m talking ‘bout
Got my cell
Got my keys
Turn the music louder please
I’ll buy a drink for you
Bartender got my credit card
It’s Girls Night Out
No Boys Allowed

Bridge:
DJ got the sound that keep us on the floor
The music’s pumping loud everybody’s wanting more
I’m feeling hot right now and I know what to do
When morning comes around I’m coming home to you

(Chorus)
It’s Girls Night Out
That’s what I’m talking ‘bout
Got my cell
Got my keys
Turn the music louder please
I’ll buy a drink for you
Bartender got my credit card
It’s Girls Night Out
No Boys Allowed

[2lane]

Hey Dorothy,
sounds hip hopish, but more like pop or r&b maybe. Not my genre, but I think most hip hop is in the 90 BPM range, more or less,
and this might not be far from that, but it seems fast.
I did like it though, FWIW. Liked your other tunes I listened to also
So you work in Manhattan every day huh, that's gotta be cool, sometimes?
good luck with the song
Steve

[grandsoul]

Popish. Too sterile for the hip-hop market. The guitar is way too clean for the genre. TOo many overtones of things that are are already out there/borderline copyright infringement. THin sounding drums.

General pop at best .

Grandsoul

[ottlukk]

Dorothy:
I think it's pop. I like the lyrics, but the production needs some tweaking. I listen on headphones, and everything was to the left. Your voice is good, bring it up front a little more.
Ott

[ottlukk]

OK, I'm an idiot. I pushed that jack of my headphones all the way in, and all of a sudden, you sounded a whole lot better.
Ott

[deantaylor]

Hey Dorothy,

Pretty good song.

I think it is pop-with a little r&b flavor.

I think you need a bit more melodic variation, especially in the chorus .. it seemed a bit repetitive after awhile.

You should tell us your goal each time you post a song .. we can give better advice that way .. I think I remember your goal is always to pitch to artists. If that's the case, I think you need a bigger hook and maybe a more unique story line to the lyric.

The verse2 lyric and the bridge lyric say much the same thing ... use that space to add to the story. Also, both pre-chorus are the same lyric .. you could add to the story there too.

Dean

[DorothyWallace]

Thanks everyone. I was going for a Tik Tok style song or Toxic by Britney. Now that I think of it, that is POP (or Swedish Hip Hop - LOL). Everyone is calling Kesha a HIp Hop artist. My interest is in pitching to labels for female artists looking for songs like Britney.

What is FWIW?

Dorothy

[jfraizer]

Not my genre, but I would say pop is the right direction here.

FWIW = For What its Worth

[orest]

I don't know if I would call it Swedish hip hop (Toxic by Pontus Winnberg, I had his father in music theory when I studied at the music university in Göteborg).

I like the song, you have some really great elements, and the melody is quite simple and catchy.
If you're pitching this song for an artist listing, do a guitar/vocal or piano/vocal version as well without the other instruments.
Don't know if the production stands as is. I agree regarding the drums, more punch and I think the guitar would benefit from a good compressor to get that tight sound.

A lot of contemporary songs use acoustic guitar/piano with a drum beat and synths, but they do compress it a lot. (Halo is one example).

[glender]

I liked it a lot! Lady Gaga all the way, I'd love to hear a studio version of this tune. Sounded like a little bit of everything, Pop,techno, Techno-Pop I would definitely produce this tune if I were you.

Now for the bad news (JUST KIDDING!) I might do a couple very small tweaks to the lyrics just to make it read better like "bartenders" got my credit card. But I think you definitely have enough in place right now to cut the tune. The Hook is solid the vocals sound really good, liked the lyrics a lot. I'd even go so far as to say it's broadcast quality if you were going to pitch it to a softer listing, but I'd pitch it right at Lady Gaga on the first go round if I were you. What's the worse that can happen? Best to swing for the fence on the first pitch IMHO. When I listen to "top 40" this is exactly the type of song I hear at the top of the charts. It's not my kind of music personally but I can think of an audience of around 65 million people a week that might really dig it. (National top 40)

I think electric guitar with distortion instead of acoustic guitar in the one spot just to reinforce the overall vibe. No sense in letting off the gas pedal.

Very nice job. I think it's time for me to have a look at Garageband based on this demo.

gl