My "Song-a-Day" Valentine's Day Offering -- thoughts?

[amandamillerdills]

Happy Belated Valentine's Day! Long time lurker, first time poster.

I've been doing a "song-a-day" project all month, and this was my Valentine's Day offering:

https://soundcloud.com/amandamillerdill ... -you-happy

I wrote and recorded this track in a little over 60 minutes total, but have plans for editing and re-recording a "new and improved" version next month. So I guess my main question is: what elements of the song and recording should I most focus on in the re-write/re-record?? (Particularly related to editing mix and recording technique, which are the areas in which I feel the least confident , but I'll happily take whatever comments/suggestions you have!)

Thanks!
Amanda

[johnlewitt]

Amanda,

That's a very nice first pass at the track. I do like the following lines:

You’ve moved me.
Unglued me.
Yet somehow
put me back together.

Some of the melody lines are tentative, but given the speed with which you did it, that is inevitable. if you play with it, and record multiple passes at the lead vocal you'll probably figure what to do.

The piano playing is solid. I would add a light rhythm track (maybe brushes) and a simple bass line, if possible.

John

[amandamillerdills]

Good tips, John! And I think your comments on the "tentative" vocal are spot on. I'm excited to take another pass at it next month, and I'll be sure and share when I do. Thanks for the feedback!

--Amanda

[nick.moxsom]

Good work, Amanda, and what a lovely voice you have.

For me the song's just too long. If it were mine I'd shorten Verse 2 and the Bridge section to bring it down to 3:50-4:00 maximum. I also agree that there needs to be more differentiation between verses and choruses – either some simple percussion or some strings to give the choruses a lift. I also might vary the piano in Verse 2 (or add a little something) to create some of that 'ear candy' that keeps the listener involved. I realise you couldn't be expected to do all that in 24 hours, but in the longer term, that's what I might try.

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Nick