New member song critique please

[SteveP]

I'm a relatively new member but a long time singer / songwriter. My greatest challenge is trying to match up a song with a listing. I'd appreciate feedback on any and all aspects of the track and what type of listing I should pursue. The song is in 6/8 and, lyrically, it is about someone seeking meaning in life through a lover, God or wherever meaning may be found.
Thanks, in advance, for the input.
SteveP

https://soundcloud.com/steve-pichan/out-of-the-blue

[robbiejhancock]

Hi Steve,

Welcome to Taxi and the forum! First steps to getting more forwards is posting your music here on the forum for feeback, watching Taxi tv Monday nights and attending the free Taxi road rally every November for a chance to learn and connect with industry professionals and other members that can help you on your journey to your goals. It takes courage to put yourself out there for feedback so congrats on that. Here are my thoughts on your song.

First you had mentioned "matching a song to a listing". As I did in the beginning that method of submitting is not always the best way to make it past the screeners as usually the listing is asking for something specific for what the industry needs and not for what you already have. So my best advice is to find a singer/songwriter listing you think you might be able to write to and write to the listing and making sure you read every word and detail. Secondly is listening to reference tracks that Taxi offers you in the listing or artists. They are looking for songs in the same vibe or a la and that could work on the the same playlist as the referenced artists but not something ever copied. Just get in the same ballpark.

There are several books out there that will help with nailing the listings but one in particular is called Shortcuts to songwriting for film tv by Robin Frederick. She has 4 books out and they are all excellent and cover different styles of writing that have help me in my own journey. http://www.amazon.com/Robin-Frederick/e/B002BOC46Q

As for the song I think you have a great Americana vibe and with some study you could easily pitch to the singer/songwriter listings. Have a listen to the billboard top 10 in that genre or listen to TV shows with songs getting placed. I think the 6/8 is ok but try maybe more songs in 4/4 with more simplistic chord changes and concentrate on more complex and unique vocal melody and lyrics and try and work towards a more contemporary style. Try more of an acoustic approach with less cymbals and less busy drums. Maybe a simple kick and tambourine for rhythm? Try an acoustic guitar into a mic? I like your vocal and timbre and think you should sing more with current chart singers. Try to eliminate going direct and cut out the synths which have a tendency to date the piece. Try current pads instead.

I think your lyrics are universal enough for the most part but try and stay away from dates, times, places etc and go for more emotional detail.

I'm sure some of the other members will chime in here. That's my 2 cents for now. Good luck.

[ottlukk]

Hey, Steve, welcome! I'll point out one line that distracted me, namely "long before they cover me with a shovel of dirt from the ground". I immediately thought, "only one shovel full? Must be a small guy". Yeah, I'm trying to be cute here, but it distracted me. I do note that it rhymed with "found" in the previous line. Did enjoy your vocal delivery, good luck! Ott

[eeoo]

Welcome aboard Steve! Robbie made tons of good points. I think the best way to learn the ropes is to post a listing your going for with the song you plan on submitting and let folks chime in with advice/opinions etc. If you're going for film/tv licensing opps really listen to the reference tracks and try and nail a similar vibe. Your song is well done but I can't think of a current genre or vibe that it falls under.

Hope that helps, good luck!

eo

[funsongs]

Hello, Steve.
Well... fwiw: I liked all of it... the song.
The others already provided valuable info about how to work the listings, if your goal is to
write for specific placement.
Welcome to the forums. Consider introducing & telling a bit about yourself in the form of a
post on the General Hangout board.
Seeya'round.

[SteveP]

Fett told me this was the best source for getting great feedback and advice. Turns out, he's right! Thanks, thusfar, to each of you for valuable reviews. I'm excited to be a part of Taxi and am determined to score on a listing. One thing to note is that I'm 62 and, though I have been a musician all of my life, writing to a more contemporary sound and genre is going to be one of my biggest challenges, particularly when it comes to lyrics that fit more with the times. I have four daughters so I'm not out of the loop musically speaking. One of my daughters is a Berklee grad and a jazz / R&B vocalist. All of them expose me to many different and current artists. I need to submerse myself into some that I think I can best model after.
THIS IS GREAT! So much appreciate the camaraderie and willingness to help a newbie

[SteveP]

If I may, here is a different style and genre; Lovers Heart Attack. Is this closer to what might come closer to some of the Taxi listings? Is it more current or is it dated? Hope I'm not overdoing it!

https://soundcloud.com/steve-pichan/lovers-heart-attack

[funsongs]

What I'm hearing in this 2nd song are strong influences from
CSNY/Stephen Stills/Manassas/Chris Hillman... that whole era.
hth, cheers.

[mikemichnya]

Hey Steve,

You've got some nice elements going on. I like the chorus melody (especially what you do w/the last "I hear from you"), and it's an interesting hook. I also like how you went up for the bridge ~ nice change there. That said, I have a couple of lyric suggestions (which you are free to completely ignore as one man's humble opinion )...

First, although you've written them with six lines each, the structure of your first and second verses is different. If you count out the syllables for each line, there are a couple of lines in your second verse that are significantly longer than the corresponding lines in the first verse, almost as if there's another whole line. You can also see this just by looking at how they lay out graphically on the page:

The world all around me
Hey, it’s troubled and down
Tearin’ up streets of cities and towns
Out on a corner well they hand me a sign
Lift it up to give me hope
But I don’t have the time

A thousand directions
‘got too much advice
From everyone I ever see
Trying too hard to be nice
But I gotta know if there’s truth to be found
Long before they cover me with a shovel of dirt from the ground

But in listening, I hear a slightly different (and more consistent) structure:

The world all around me
Hey, it’s troubled and down
Tearin’ up streets
of cities and towns
Out on a corner
well they hand me a sign
Lift it up give me hope
But I don’t have the time

A thousand directions
‘got too much advice
From everyone I ever see
Trying too hard to be nice
But I gotta know
if there’s truth to be found
Long before they cover me
with a shovel of dirt from the ground

Writing it out the first way also makes it look like there are different rhyme schemes, but writing it out the second way (the way I heard it) makes it XAXAXBXB in both verses (instead of XAABXB and XAXABB). It's a small thing, but it helps you see if you have consistent structure and rhyme from verse to verse.

I wonder how you would feel about shortening the chorus? I really like your first line, lyrically and melodically, but by the third line, I was more than ready for a change (maybe because the verse and chorus melodies were in pretty much the same register). Here's one possible revision (with a couple of additional suggestions):

I’ve been searching for someone, something, for sometime
Looking for answers to questions of meaning
When out of the blue I hear from you
Whisper those words I want to be true (or "I need to be true" or "I know are true" or progressing from chorus to chorus...)
Out of the blue, out of the blue
You come to me Out of the blue

You might also consider shortening your bridge, and focusing on the positive. Something like (and this isn't it):

Now I’m done with searchin’
But you made it worth it
Pour your truth down on me

(BTW, I really like that "searchin'/worth it" rhyme. Nice!)

Last thought (I promise!! ) is that IMHO there are a few other lyrical changes that you might consider that would tighten up the song and make it more visual and clearer. For example, "Out on a corner well they (who???) hand me a sign / Lift it up give me hope but I don’t have the time..." could be "out on a corner, some guy with a sign / Lift's it up to give me hope..."

Steve, I think you've got a really good start here. I'll be curious to hear how it turns out. Good luck!

[bobporri]

Nice job Steve. Good music. There is a fairly big learning curve for some of us, myself definitely included, but when I do try to write to listings it helps. I definitely do not always do that nor do I want to. But I think it helps to play to your strengths and pick and choose which listings you write to (ones that make sense for you to do so that maybe have elements of your background strengths). Of course it's good to try totally different things sometimes also. Interesting that much of the new Rock stuff for instance, has tons of Classic Rock influences. I'm still looking for that element that is used which brings things current. Much of what I do personally is not in the ballpark, but some is, and I like to think there is improvement with the practice at doing it.

You are starting with a lot of talent. Good luck.

Bob Porri