New song – all comments welcome

[nick.moxsom]

New version with new lyric now up.

http://soundcloud.com/nickmoxsom/take-a ... ised-lyric

Any nits, anyone?

Nick

[roberthamilton]

Wow, my friend... that is cool incarnate.

Everything sounds right on to me. Really liking the vocal embellishments.

[playagibson]

Sounds great Nick !
The vocals and arrangement work well.
Some piano or guitar 8th notes at 1:35 would sound cool. Something on the G
A percussive effect to mimic a train bell.
Only at the end when it trails off.
It would have to sit back in the mix.
Either way it's a cool tune.

Rich.

[eddied]

Hi, Nick:

I am starting to dip a toe into peer-to-peer. This thread with your song is a great way to promote the whole idea -- because the second mix you did is really a lot better than the first one. I went through everything in order and thought the vocal was too low and kinda dead sounding, and now it is really light, airy, right in front, sounds great! And you refined your lyrics a bit too, and feedback from the various comments here helped all the way through!

This is more of a production touch idea, for what it is worth (actual cash value is two cents, PM if you want my Paypal account!) -- but you know how you left that "I like that!" in at the very end? That is cool, and keeps the track personal and real, kinda "down home." So that, in a sense is a production touch.

So I am thinking of something along the same lines, near the end of the song, because your chorus stays in the same melodic range as the verse, you keep building up this tension (which is good!) but it would be great to see it released somewhere in the track. One way you could do that, while keeping everything else exactly as it is now, would be to add another track with the volume WAY down, maybe a little reverb too, to give it distance, of someone shouting in the background, or just singing really high "gonna take a train . . . oh yeah . . . I'm on that train!!" something along those lines, during the very last section, perhaps around 1:40 or later. It would be a nice counterpoint to the controlled, conversational-level lead vocal. I don't mean instead of, just something added in the background.

Like that Bruce Springsteen song, State Trooper -- the whole thing is just free-floating tension and menace, all delivered in that conversational tone, and then right at 3:04 there is that shout that completely overloads his microphone. And it is so RIGHT. Three minutes of tension earned that shout and everyone wants a cigarette after they hear it. So, you know what I'm talking about.

In summary, really cool song, and great recording/performance.

EddieD

[andygabrys]

hey Nick,

a cool swinging tune! dig it all - if it were me, I would look at panning the acoustic a little off to the side of your voice. feels like its competing just a little. maybe its level once the vocals come in as well.

nice to hear!

[Salty]

Nick-
this is a really hip idea and just very catchy- Im really diggin it!

The one thing Id think on doing is in your break- Id make a bit more going on rhythmically- you actually came into the break with a triplet thing - why not keep that idea flowing throughout the break part of it? that way when you come back into the lyrics its like you worked up a 'head of steam'. (apologies for the bad pun, just too tough to resist)

anyway- nice.

[Robtoons]

Hey Nick,
I really like it! Puts you in that train groove mood.
Nice work, the second mix is a big improvement.
-Rob

[nick.moxsom]

For anyone who might still be interested, the definitive and final mix is up (damn, I said the word 'final').

Thanks Robert H, Rich and Rob Toons for your words of encouragement and your time.

Eddie, I hear what you're saying, but I wanted to steer clear of the Foley route. Thanks, man.

Andy, I'm indebted to you. Such a simple and effective trick. That one will stay with me.

Salty, took that on and employed it – thank you, buddy.

If I had the conversation once at the Rally, I had it twenty times – this forum helps me grow, learn and improve on every level, and the help and advice I get here is invaluable. It ceases to amaze me how people a) haven't heard of the peer-to-peer, and b) even when they have, don't participate. I mean, seriously, who'd turn away this much lurve?

Nick

[andygabrys]

yeah!!!! love it Nick!!!!

[roberthamilton]

Sweet!