New Song

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nakuser
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New Song

Post by nakuser » Wed Jan 04, 2006 10:15 pm

Hi GuysI am new here, please review my song called "Make up". This is just a ruff recording. http://www.broadjam.com/artists/artisti ... =25555Song: Make upLyrix : Nakedi Mabusela copyright 2005 SAMRO.Music : Nakedi Mabusela copyright 2005 SAMRO.Production : AJ Bukenya.Verse 1 Remember what I said Remember what we did when you loved me How could I forget? Remember what we had And the things we used to do honey loving How could I forget? But all of that is gone The only thing I want Is for you to come back to meChorus * 1 I just wanna make up Hold it down for your love Hold it down for the things I have done with you Forever I can show you What it feels to be lovedIt doesn’t matter if you’re not here with meVerse 2 I realise today That your love is really special Meant just for me How could I forget? I wish I showed how How much really meant to me Maybe you would’ve stayed How could I forget? But all of that is gone The only thing I want Is for you to come back to meChorus * 1 I just wanna make up Hold it down for your love Hold it down for the things I have done with you Forever I can show you What it feels to be lovedIt doesn’t matter if you’re not here with meBridge I don’t know what more to say girl To bring you back to me Without you my love is empty And surely not the same And I don’t know what more to do girl To make you look this way And say those words to me once more I can’t wait to hear you sayChorus * 2 that I just wanna make up Hold it down for your love Hold it down for the things I have done with you Forever I can show you What it feels to be lovedIt doesn’t matter if you’re not here with meChorus Extended * 4 until end. It doesn’t matter if you’re not here with me.

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Re: New Song

Post by nakuser » Fri Jan 27, 2006 12:18 am


rexman22583
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Re: New Song

Post by rexman22583 » Fri Feb 10, 2006 8:59 am

Hey Nakuser!! I really like your songs!! You really have a good voice and your a pretty good lyricist! Keep it up man! You've got soul man!-Rex

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Re: New Song

Post by hummingbird » Sat Feb 11, 2006 10:35 am

Hey, nice work. I know it's a bit rough, but the vocals feel a little pitchy in the verses. I think maybe it's too low for you? I'd try singing with more refined shapes... by that I mean make all your words 'round' like an 'oh', make sure you are -breathing in naturally and aiming the breath below the belt, -keeping your chin down & your head level as you sing,-never pushing the voice for volume, depth, range or mass, - the tip of the tongue should be touching the back of the teeth on the lower jaw (never pushed or shoved)... but gently guided to touch there. It will come away for consonants but is always there when we are singing the vowels (and singing is all about the vowels),-always initiate phrases gently, floating the voice on the breath as on a sigh.Some of the lyrics don't come across to me.. like:Chorus * 1 I just wanna make upHold it down for your loveHold it down for the things I have done with youI'm from a little town in Canada, so some of the current use of language (hey peeps, etc) is hard for me to get - "hold it down" doesn't have a meaning for me. Is that just me or do other folks have the same reaction?Forever I can show you What it feels to be lovedIt doesn’t matter if you’re not here with meGrammatically, it doesn't work to say "I can SHOW you - it doesn't matter if you're not here" - you can't show anyone anything if they're not there (unless they're on line LOL)"it doesn't matter if you're not here" - to me that feels like you are saying, "I don't care if you're not here" - which is not what you mean at all. I'd change 'doesn't matter' I feel like it would work better to say something like:Forever I can show you What it feels to be loved,and even if you’re never here with meyou will always be.. my honey loveand call the song 'honey love'.It seems to me that this verse contradicts the rest of the song... "I realise todayThat your love is really special Meant just for me"she's gone, you want her to come back... but 'her love is meant just for you'?how about something like..."I keep on thinkingyour love was really specialwish it was still mine"I like the melody and the feel of the song, I just think you could be more imaginative and accurate with the lyrical content... and work on the vocals to bring the words & melody out effectively.Please don't be discouraged! Keep working on it! warmlyHummin'bird
"As we are creative beings, our lives become our works of art." (Julia Cameron)

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nakuser
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Re: New Song

Post by nakuser » Mon Feb 20, 2006 5:15 am

Wow thanks, I just saw the replys today. Thank you for taking the time for such a detailed analytical riview. I appretiate it. I already worked on the pitching, breathing was a problem. But hey it's never too late to learn hey lol.I submitted the song to Song of the year and it was awarded a Honerable Mention : www.songoftheyear.com/webawards/n/naked ... a.htmMaybe if I got nice review like this I could have made some adjustments. Thanks again I really appreciate it.

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Re: New Song

Post by nakuser » Mon Feb 20, 2006 6:31 am

Thankx. rexman22583

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