New To Taxi, Fairly New To Writing (POP SONG)

[glender]

Hi, I retracted my last post, it was a little uncalled for. I think Casey offers some solid advise. It really doesn't matter what your first couple of songs sound like it will take some time to get pointed in the right direction in this business. As long as your getting better and better you should eventually get forwards and sign some deals. There's a lot of opportunity in the industry, but as Billy Joel once said "Only the Strong Survive" so don't expect miracles right off the bat. For radio play you'll be competing against the best in the business. Typically a five year plan is the best way to view it.

Welcome aboard

[Casey H]

Hello
You said you were new to writing so I'll chime in on the songwriting and leave production up to folks who have skills there.

First, please post the lyrics. If you do I may be able to come back and offer more feedback.

This is a pretty good start. It definitely has catchy elements and nice potential. In a pop song, the most important thing is usually the strength of the chorus. If it's a really good one that sets itself apart from the verse, you have a lot of the battle one. Of course, much easier said than done! I've got plenty of OK but not undeniably great ones like most of us. A&R folks will listen through the first chorus and if they are not sold, it's over. Musically, the chorus of this song is good but it needs more differentiation such as making the melody go to higher notes than the verse and "soar" a little. Get up to those higher notes, maybe stetch out a note to contrast it more with the shorter notes used earlier.

You have good sectional construction here and good production ideas such as breakdowns, etc. The song does a good job of the set up with verse/pre-c/chorus.

You didn't post lyrics but I do hear a lot of cliche rhymes. Yes, you hear those on the radio all the time but new writers are held to higher standards. It's a good idea to do a second pass on lyrics and de-cliche where you can.

Anyway, HTH... I will always say... It's easier to be full of the answers on OTHER people's songs than your own!

Good luck
Casey

[evanmcgill]

I'm 26, almost 27. I have a great "real" job and I'm no rush. I'm excited to learn everything!

[evanmcgill]

Hello
You said you were new to writing so I'll chime in on the songwriting and leave production up to folks who have skills there.

First, please post the lyrics. If you do I may be able to come back and offer more feedback.

This is a pretty good start. It definitely has catchy elements and nice potential. In a pop song, the most important thing is usually the strength of the chorus. If it's a really good one that sets itself apart from the verse, you have a lot of the battle one. Of course, much easier said than done! I've got plenty of OK but not undeniably great ones like most of us. A&R folks will listen through the first chorus and if they are not sold, it's over. Musically, the chorus of this song is good but it needs more differentiation such as making the melody go to higher notes than the verse and "soar" a little. Get up to those higher notes, maybe stetch out a note to contrast it more with the shorter notes used earlier.

You have good sectional construction here and good production ideas such as breakdowns, etc. The song does a good job of the set up with verse/pre-c/chorus.

You didn't post lyrics but I do hear a lot of cliche rhymes. Yes, you hear those on the radio all the time but new writers are held to higher standards. It's a good idea to do a second pass on lyrics and de-cliche where you can.

Anyway, HTH... I will always say... It's easier to be full of the answers on OTHER people's songs than your own!

Good luck
Casey

VERSE 1
I knew that instantly I’d fall
I saw your back against the wall
You were standin’ there
And I was merely wishing for all time
You were all that I could see
Me and you and you and me
You were like a dream
And I was merely wishin’ for all

Have I found a love that’s true?
You and me and me and you
Live our dream and do the things that all the other couples do
All that’s left for you to know

CHORUS
You’re the last
But clearly not the least
Because you know it’s true
That I want you in my life
You’re the last
You’ve made my life complete
I’ve seen you in my dreams
And I’ve known it all this time
That you’re the last

VERSE 2
Our days they felt so right
You’d hold me close all through the night
And you would not believe
That I was merely wishin’ for all time
Happiness for you and me
Somethin’ no one else can see
It is like a dream
And I am merely wishing for all

Have I found a love that’s true?
Get to spend my life with you
Live our dream and do the things that all the other couples do
All that’s left for you to know

CHORUS
You’re the last
But clearly not the least
Because you know it’s true
That I want you in my life
You’ve made my life complete
I’ve seen you in my dreams
And I’ve know it all this time
BRIDGE
That you’re the
Last for me
To carry out this dream
Remember the times we have
I can’t believe my lifes complete when I’m with you, babe, I love you

CHORUS
You’re the last
But clearly not the least
Because you know it’s true
That I want you in my life
You’re the last
You’ve made my life complete
I’ve seen you in my dreams
And I’ve known it all this time
That you’re the last
But clearly not the least
Because you know it’s true
That I want you in my life
You’re the last
You’ve made my life complete
I’ve seen you in my dreams
And I’ve known it all this time
That you’re the last

(C) Evan McGill 2010

[jefflaplante]

Evan,
Now that I read the words, I have to tell you...watch the cliches. There are tons of them in this song.

"love that's true"
"you know it's true"
"in my dreams"
"felt so right"
"for all time"
"babe"
"I love you"

How many times have these phrases been used in other songs? Answer: Thousands! (I'm not exaggerating)
Try being more original with how you say things. That is the first step to good lyric writing.

[watksco]

Not sure what age appropriate is??? I don't know what teens say these days and I'm 26! HAHA!

Listen to a LOT of the music in that genre - watch their TV shows.

Or...write songs that are appropriate to your age.

Scott

[evanmcgill]

Evan,
Now that I read the words, I have to tell you...watch the cliches. There are tons of them in this song.

"love that's true"
"you know it's true"
"in my dreams"
"felt so right"
"for all time"
"babe"
"I love you"

How many times have these phrases been used in other songs? Answer: Thousands! (I'm not exaggerating)
Try being more original with how you say things. That is the first step to good lyric writing.

Great advice! Thanks so much. Makes total sense.

[evanmcgill]

Got 7s and 8s on my first critque (6s for production stuff, but I'm not as concerned about that). They said I need better lyrics and that was the only glaring point. It didn't fit the listing they said.

I will ABSOLUTELY take that for my second song ever. More to come soon!

NOW HIRING: LYRICIST!