New To Taxi, Song Review

[djdale]

Hi Everyone!My name is Dale Ray. My wife and I have been a song writing for about 7 years, and I have been in the music biz for a long time.I've been reading your posts, and listening to your songs on here and I am honored to be here with such talent!Here is a song I would like you guys to review. It's called TREASURE and it is a country song.Thanks,(V1)I’m an adventurous manI’ve always had a planTo find emeralds pearls rubiesJettin’ off to foreign landsSiftin’ through rock and sandI thought wealth would make me happyI soon discovered One area uncoveredCHORUS I’ve dug for diamonds and goldSearched ancient ruins for riches toldBrought up ships from the ocean blueBut the greatest TREASURE I’ve ever found...is you(V2)I wouldn’t settle downI trekked the world aroundTo find a fortune everydayThen on a tropical isleI had to stop for awhileWhen a precious gem came my wayNow she’s home with meMy discovery(Repeat Chorus) BRIDGEDiamonds in her eyesLong golden hair Ruby red lips Girl I’m there(END CHORUS)I’ve dug for diamonds and goldSearched ancient ruins for riches toldBrought up ships from the ocean blueBut the greatest TREASURE I’ve ever foundThe greatest TREASURE I’ve ever foundThe greatest TREASURE I’ve ever found...is youIs you, Baby it’s youhttp://taximusic.com/stream/176692/Treasure.mp3

[djdale]

Maybe I should have said critique, praise, pick apart, dismantle?Dale

[zoom]

Hey Dale!Good tune! I like how you blended the island sound into this country piece... excellent vocals and strong musical sense. Could be a really great piece for film/tv placement or as a cut on your personal album, though I'm not sure how many forwards you might get in the contemporary country listings. I'm not an expert in country, but this seems too unique for artists looking for new songs here at Taxi.The chorus is pretty good, though I think it can be stronger lyrically by getting to the point a lot earlier. The verses tell about your explorations, your chorus IMO should concentrate on the one thing the singer can't find on any dive. The visuals are ok here, but they're kind of cliche... so I would suggest maybe revamping it with the main idea both up front and at the end of the chorus for maximum effect. Possibly one way to avoid the cliche is to compare "her" to all the treasures you can find at the bottom of the ocean, and how they can't compare to her. Just a thought.Hope that helps Dale.... really good piece overall.Welcome to the boards!

[djdale]

Thanks fo the idea. I had this one with a publiser for two years. I want to slice up the music into 60's, and see if I can get it into some production library or film.Dale

[matthoggard]

Could be in those cruise ship commercials and and travel agent promos.Did you perform and produce this? Production is well done and the singer has an excellent voice.Nice.M~

[djdale]

No I have an excellent producer in Nashville, and that voice is the one and only country star Buddy Jewell (demo'd before he was a star).Dale

[cameron]

Hey Dale,Welcome to the forums. Very unique song here... maybe you could sell it Mel Fisher as a theme song?? Actually imho it's a pretty good song and a very good demo. Nice to have Buddy Jewell singing your demo for you!! The demo singer I wanted for my demo tomorrow just got signed too... unfortunately that happened before he recorded my tune, so I'm out of luck. I do wonder if this song might be a bit too much off-center to get cut, as already mentioned, but sometimes those are the ones that DO get cut ("Shift Work", for example). But damn, if I was so smart I would be on my yacht after treasure myself instead of looking for my first Taxi forward.My guess is that it would be better for film/TV placement too, although I've yet to see a film/TV listing that has fit even one of my tunes.Anyway, I hope you stick around the forum as you do nice work and it will be good to have another country guy around to bounce things off of.Cameron

[djdale]

Cameron!Thanks for the kind words. Buddy is a friend of mine, and I intend to stick around here. If you want to share some info or collaborate on anything, PM me.i have quite a few Buddy demo'd songs.Seems many artists shunned demos with Buddy on it when he had a Sony deal...so now that he's Indie, maybe they'll take a listen.Dale