newbie to taxi - can I get some feedbck on my 'funny people'

[michaelzapin]

looking for feedback on my song. I'm a songwriter not a producer - I know the mix needs work but any critique is appreciated - THANKS, MICHAEL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bveUqb4e-0c

FUNNY PEOPLE

I should not display my heart.
I should speak in full pretenses.
Funny how she talks to me.
Unguarding me from my defenses.

It was so unusual.
I could feel her love.
Breaching past the darkness in my life ~~~~~~

Funny people dance on air.
A smiling face adds fuel to fire.
Suddenly she's gone from here.
And she leads a chase out on a wire ~~~~~

Am I just delusional?
'Cause I feel alive.
For the first time in a long time,
In my life.

I'm fascinated by her,
Intoxicated by her
This time of day,
This girl is gonna stay ~~~~

Funny people, dance on air.
They ain't got swag and they lack the precision.
But funny people, they just don't care.
'Cause they're in the skies, in a locked position~~~~

I was once unmovable.
And then she arrived.
And she got me quickly moving side to side.

I'm fascinated by her
Intoxicated by her.
This time of day,
This girl will stay.

I'm activated by her
Oxygenated by her
I want you to know.
I Love her
I won't let her go.
I need that love ~~~~

I need that love ~~~

I need that love ~~~~

[Sunset]

Hi Michael,

I do like your song... one thing that I'm looking for that I don't get enough of is a driving drumbeat - such as the 'Suddenly she's gone from here." phrase.(but then the motion kinda dies off)

.I was waiting for the song to get big with a driving drumbeat,but i didn't really hear that.. at least not until the "funny people" 2nd verse.

Also vox around the "I'm fascinated by her,
Intoxicated by her" verse- could you layer 3 part harmony rather than just the one backing voice? timing seems a little rushed to me..

Like the concept a lot..but to my ear, it needs more emotional points.. maybe lite percussion until the bigger build (the 2nd Funny People verse)?

BTW love the vocals- are they you?

just my .02

John

[michaelzapin]

John thanks for your comments. You know the equipment I'm using is dated. I've got a yamaha motif6 for all instumentation and a tascam dp24 digital recorder. That's it. I know the drums could be better. The challenge for me is that the chorus is 3/4 time and for the life of me - I can't find any drum beats in 3/4 on the motif that worked. I think I found maybe one or two 6/8 beats. So basically I had to lay the drums down manually - and I ain't a drummer.

The vocals were courtesy of studio pros. The online session company that will do anything you want them to do for a fee. I hired them for the vocals and was over all very pleased. They suggested I send the whole thing back to them for professional mix/master -- and they also suggested that could add in better drums. I intend on doing that budget permitting.

I submitted this to several listings. I got generally good feedback - but told that it didn't match the criteria that was contained in the listing.

[Sunset]

Michael,

"I submitted this to several listings. I got generally good feedback - but told that it didn't match the criteria that was contained in the listing"

you might want to include the specific listing and the screeners comments in the Peer to Peer section to see what members say about why the song didn't get forwarded

(if you haven't done this already) it's very helpful to listen to others' feedback and has helped me..

John