Newbie Would Like Feedback

[schroeder]

Hi --Just rejoined Taxi, have submitted 2 songs, and would like some feedback. You can hear my songs at: http://www.myspace.com/mccfreeneymusic and I'd love to know what you think.

[hummingbird]

Quote:Hi --Just rejoined Taxi, have submitted 2 songs, and would like some feedback. You can hear my songs at: http://www.myspace.com/mccfreeneymusic and I'd love to know what you think.Hi Dionne, welcome aboard. I'm not sure which 2 songs you submitted or which listing you submitted to. It would be an idea to pick a song and post the lyrics here as well.I listened to Love of My Life, and it's got a nice chorus, good vocals. There's something about the rhythm in the verses that makes it feel halting & too slow - too many pauses. I like the modulations when you go into the bridge. I'm no production expert but feels like the vocals are a little too dry. Imperfect me - again the vocals seem a little dry & I wonder if you are close enough to the mic or if the mic being used really suits your voice. In terms of songwriting, I again feel that pausing at the end of every phrase starts to slow the forward energy of the song - even if this is a hymn-like piece. I was just working with a singer/songwriter student of mine yesterday, and she was doing the same thing with a new song. And I said, you know I did that in the beginning too. I think because we are singers we want to draw out the ends of all the phrases. Above is just my opinion and my disclaimer is I may not know what I am talking about so keep or sweep.It's great to meet you and I hope you'll find the forum an encouraging & supportive place to be, because there are some fabulous people here. warmly,Hummin'bird

[schroeder]

Thanks for the feedback, Vikki. I submitted both the songs you mentioned. With Love of My Life, I was trying for a rhythmic thing that I probably can't describe that well -- as I write that it sounds like if I can't explain it I shouldn't do it, but anyway. I think slightly bigger production (a guitar line maybe, background vocals) would probably drive it a bit more. On Imperfect Me, there was a little reverb applied. It's all a bit, no, a lot, new to me, so I definitely appreciate the feedback. The lyrics for both are below.Love of My LifeYou're so warm and tenderLove so real and oh so gentleTouch me and I believe that you love me more than I could knowI need to know all I can about youTell me how to love youI want to be with you, can't live without youDon't you ever leaveCould you be the love of my life?The one that I've been searching for, love of my lifeThe one that I have prayed for,I think you're tryin' to sweep me off my feet I think you're tryin' to meet all of my needsCould you be the love of my life?Every moment is specialEven bad times feel like good timesIn you I found my lover and best friend; even my booty callCan't believe that you're here with meFor so long I have wanted love completelyI've never felt anything quite like thisTell me that you're realCould you be the love of my life?The one that I've been searching for, love of my lifeThe one that I have prayed for,I think you're tryin' to sweep me off my feet I think you're tryin' to meet all of my needsCould you be the love of my life?I have never been so blessedYou have got to be heaven-sentMy heart belongs to you onlyYou bring me joyCould you be the love of my life?The one that I've been searching for, love of my lifeThe one that I have prayed for,I think you're tryin' to sweep me off my feet I think you're tryin' to meet all of my needsCould you be the love of my life?Imperfect MeTake me as I am with all my faults, and all my scars from battleI am who I am and I am real, the one who loves you stillTake me as I am; broken, but here, with all I have, I give youAll that I can give and nothing less – I would give more if I couldMy heart is yours, my soul as wellMy flesh, my blood, I give youNo sacrifice too great to giveYou have my vow – I am hereTake me as I am; imperfect me in perfect love is givenI stand strong with you; I’m here right now, my hand I give to you

[johnnydean1]

Quote:Quote:Hi --Just rejoined Taxi, have submitted 2 songs, and would like some feedback. You can hear my songs at: http://www.myspace.com/mccfreeneymusic and I'd love to know what you think.Hi Dionne, welcome aboard. I'm not sure which 2 songs you submitted or which listing you submitted to. It would be an idea to pick a song and post the lyrics here as well.I listened to Love of My Life, and it's got a nice chorus, good vocals. There's something about the rhythm in the verses that makes it feel halting & too slow - too many pauses. I like the modulations when you go into the bridge. I'm no production expert but feels like the vocals are a little too dry. Imperfect me - again the vocals seem a little dry & I wonder if you are close enough to the mic or if the mic being used really suits your voice. In terms of songwriting, I again feel that pausing at the end of every phrase starts to slow the forward energy of the song - even if this is a hymn-like piece. I was just working with a singer/songwriter student of mine yesterday, and she was doing the same thing with a new song. And I said, you know I did that in the beginning too. I think because we are singers we want to draw out the ends of all the phrases. Above is just my opinion and my disclaimer is I may not know what I am talking about so keep or sweep.It's great to meet you and I hope you'll find the forum an encouraging & supportive place to be, because there are some fabulous people here. warmly,Hummin'bird "fabulous"! yeah I Know Vikki,I think you are mistaking a writing style for a writing fault or Vikki Versa I like it!!!mucho

[geo]

Hi, ho Geo here Newbie, again, welcome aboard. First off I can never fully explain on paper what I hear in my head on a song, I can only tried to translate it musically, it rarely comes out as I intended the first time, so keep trying for what you hear. I looked at your influences on your site and knew exactly what you were going for a "Superstitious" style electric piano boogie thingy (thingy is my new fav word) am I right? From what I can gleem from your post you are doing it all yourself (writing, recording, production?) which is a daunting task for all lot of us, myself included, so with that in mind I have a few things which I hope help you. (sorry, I'm actually familar with your genre) so here I go:Love of my LifeOpening piano seems to be a little distorted, like it clipped during recording and I'm sorry, I don't like the sound, it gets muddy during the chorus when the playing picks up, try a more standard piano sound maybe. Your bass/drum tracks could come up in the mix a bit. A guitar line/back-up vocals would help the chorus drive but also consider using a snare hit there instead of a rim which would give a "lift" to the section. I think the back up vocals will help a lot, you sound like you are clipping lines in the chorus to start the next line (last chorus esp) and back ups will give you a little room to let your voice soar. That being said Iike the song alot (although I'm on the fence with "booty-call", it feels like it doesn't fit the vibe of the song), how long have you been writing/recording?Imperfect MeLove the song!! We all seem to write our own version of this sentiment at some point in our travels and you do a good job of conveying the emotion. My one point here is the hook needs to be stronger, please consider:Imperfect me, Just what you see,Happy to be, Imperfect me.The second time I listened this popped into my head. You might consider using that as a chorus to break up what you have here, I'ts over the same melody you use. You can have that, no charge if you want, I think it will help the song a lot. Good luck with the subs, remember, collect a lot of opinions and then analyze what they say before you make drastic changes to anything, have a look/listen around and don't be shy, drop a comment on others and they'll have no problem helping you out... GeoP.S. Yeah, you're like Geo, huh, can't wait to you post a song