No Forward...I'm a little bummed

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aubreyz
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Re: No Forward...I'm a little bummed

Post by aubreyz » Thu Oct 26, 2006 5:36 am

Quote:Don't even assume that you know my character. You throwing that word out there let's me know more about yours though. I wouldn't have had to post what you said if your "posse" hadn't chimed in supporting all of your positive wisdom. I just didn't recieve the same in your message to me that's all. Those were your words that I posted and I thought it could have been more tactful, especially to a discouraged newbie. I said that it was taken out of context and that I only "heard" the negative. You did give me some advice in there that was practical but I missed it the first time I read it because of the two black eyes you gave me made it hard to see. Hurowitz gave some great advice recently and I respect that he didn't beat me up to get a point across. Well--- part of my character is that I can be very blunt. I say what I think and mean what I say. I also make mistakes. Like saying I was done with this topic. I just can’t resist a good debate. I’m in the middle of some very tedious non musical busyness of running a studio, and welcome a little break to post right now.First of all, maybe we should start over. I’m blunt – you’re sensitive. Neither are right are wrong, that’s just the way it is. I will try to be more tactful, and hope you accept my apologies for offending you.Think about this. What in the world kind of self-serving purpose would it serve for me to send a private message to you? The wording I used may have been unclear, but my intent was based solely on one factor – your potential. From your few posts, it was apparent that you didn’t have a real grasp on what it takes for success in this industry, and had unrealistic expectations. I took the time to listen to your songs and read your lyrics. As I recall, I decided to send you a private message because I thought you might misinterpret the comments as grandstanding if they were made in public. I was also busy at the time and wanted to be concise and frank.Bottom line, my opinion was that you had some great ideas but needed a kick in the pants to get real about how this whole thing works. And my opinion was honest. I get very frustrated by these “song mill” demo houses that will take anybody’s money and spit out a demo without letting the person know the song is not ready for market, or that they have little or no artist potential. It’s not worth my time to post or message someone that I think has no potential. What would be the point? I have plenty of ego in place and don’t need to nurture it by tearing someone else down.Had you walked in my studio, I would have told you the same thing. “I’ll record these and take your money, but the songs aren’t ready to compete yet”. I’ve lost some business over the years because I don’t pat people on the back to make a buck. You posted asking for feedback. I gave you the best I had to offer. Free advice is often worth the price you pay. I’ll be happy to give you a refund.

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Re: No Forward...I'm a little bummed

Post by davewalton » Thu Oct 26, 2006 5:37 am

Quote:I wouldn't have had to post what you said if your "posse" hadn't chimed in supporting all of your positive wisdom. I just didn't recieve the same in your message to me that's all. Sorry T, but Aub is 100% right on this. If he posted a PRIVATE message to you, then any response should have been in the form of a PRIVATE message back to him, not a PUBLIC message to the rest of us about his PRIVATE comments to you. People, including me, will be more than a little gun-shy in responding to your posts if we think that anything we say in private can and will be used against us in public.

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Re: No Forward...I'm a little bummed

Post by toncart » Thu Oct 26, 2006 6:05 am

Aub, I apoligize as well. You are right in the fact that you are blunt and it's always hard to tell in print if someone is blunt or just being a peckerhead. I took it personal and probably shouldn't have because you probably didn't mean anything by it. I am too sensitive about this stuff right now and just need to get over it. The fact is, I need to learn to accept critisism and grow from it rather than dwell on it and get discouraged. I only posted your comments because I was getting the feeling that you were a little more tactful to others when offering advice. I apologize for posting them as well. Again, they were posted out of context and that is how I precieved them even though your intent may have been totally different. I'm the type of person that if you praise me for 10 things and slam me for one, I focus on the one bad thing. That's just me and that is a character flaw. When I get criticized I do one of two things. I either shut completely down and throw in the towel or I try as hard as I can to prove people wrong. I became an off-road motorcycle champion because someone told me I sucked, but sometimes I go the other direction. I hate it. Please accept my apology Aub. I was wrong about you.

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Re: No Forward...I'm a little bummed

Post by aubreyz » Thu Oct 26, 2006 6:34 am

Quote:Aub, I apoligize as well. You are right in the fact that you are blunt and it's always hard to tell in print if someone is blunt or just being a peckerhead. I took it personal and probably shouldn't have because you probably didn't mean anything by it. I am too sensitive about this stuff right now and just need to get over it. The fact is, I need to learn to accept critisism and grow from it rather than dwell on it and get discouraged. I only posted your comments because I was getting the feeling that you were a little more tactful to others when offering advice. I apologize for posting them as well. Again, they were posted out of context and that is how I precieved them even though your intent may have been totally different. I'm the type of person that if you praise me for 10 things and slam me for one, I focus on the one bad thing. That's just me and that is a character flaw. When I get criticized I do one of two things. I either shut completely down and throw in the towel or I try as hard as I can to prove people wrong. I became an off-road motorcycle champion because someone told me I sucked, but sometimes I go the other direction. I hate it. Please accept my apology Aub. I was wrong about you. Apology more than accepted. Thanks. Most of us are here because we want to get better at what we do. I've learned and grown a lot since joining Taxi and this forum -- though some of the stuff I've learned has been tough to swallow. Don't throw in the towel. Get mad at the shortcomings and fix them. You didn't master that bike without some bumps and bruises I'm sure. This is a tough business for those with thick skin and an unwaivering belief in their own abilities. I'm way too old to be trying to achieve the goals I have for my own music, but I believe it can and will happen. That's what drives me to improve. I used to write a song in a day or two. I've been working on one now for a couple of weeks and it still sucks. It's as good as some of my other stuff, but not GREAT yet. But I believe it will be great, and am working hard to get it there.... if it ends up not hitting the mark, then I will shoot high again.Don't let any criticism stifle your belief. You can ride this bike!

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Re: No Forward...I'm a little bummed

Post by andreh » Thu Oct 26, 2006 6:40 am

Quote:Aub, <snip> I only posted your comments because I was getting the feeling that you were a little more tactful to others when offering advice.If I were to post some of the honest criticism Aub has sent me in private messages, you'd know that he ALWAYS speaks his mind! Swallow hard and use it to your advantage...his advice, as well as that of many others on this forum, has helped me move forward in my writing when I let it.Andre
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Re: No Forward...I'm a little bummed

Post by toncart » Thu Oct 26, 2006 6:48 am

Virtual round of beer for everyone. It's on me!!!! : )

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Re: No Forward...I'm a little bummed

Post by aubreyz » Thu Oct 26, 2006 7:47 am

Quote:Quote:Aub, <snip> I only posted your comments because I was getting the feeling that you were a little more tactful to others when offering advice.If I were to post some of the honest criticism Aub has sent me in private messages, you'd know that he ALWAYS speaks his mind! Swallow hard and use it to your advantage...his advice, as well as that of many others on this forum, has helped me move forward in my writing when I let it.AndreThis whole blunt vs. polite thing reminds me of a Yankee friend of mine who moved down south and experienced culture shock. I'm quite the diplomat compared to his bluntness, and he was offending people right and left. He made one of the truest points I’ve ever heard. “People in the South smile and are friendly but never tell you what they really think. They lie to one another and that’s called polite. I say what I honestly think and that’s called rude.”True dat.I must say here, as we’re having a round on toncart, that Andre’s feedback has been very valuable to me as well. Though more tactful than I, he’ll tell me what he thinks too, and I have grown to respect his opinion. A quick case in point that I’m harder on myself than I am on anybody else, here’s a snippet of an email I sent Andre in regards to a vocal I had just cut:So I get home... listen to blind side --- and start laughing. The first verse vocal really sucks. A real, what was I thinking moment....To the best of my ever escaping memory, I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone else they sucked!

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Re: No Forward...I'm a little bummed

Post by davewalton » Thu Oct 26, 2006 8:02 am

Quote:Virtual round of beer for everyone. It's on me!!!! : )

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Re: No Forward...I'm a little bummed

Post by matto » Thu Oct 26, 2006 8:26 am

Quote:Virtual round of beer for everyone. It's on me!!!! : )For those of you who can make it to the Rally, I'll buy you a real one...I actually welcome blunt criticism, as long as it's given by someone I know means well and doesn't do it to hurt or tear down.I think the problem with online forums is it takes a long time to really "get to know" people...real beers make quick work of that At the same time I certainly understand how it feels to face rejection and criticism. I may come on here and say "learn to live with it, it's part of the business"(which is a fact), but that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt when one of my songs gets rejected or passed over...I don't think that ever goes away.Unless you're a masochist who enjoys this kind of treatment...

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Re: No Forward...I'm a little bummed

Post by spariam » Thu Oct 26, 2006 8:40 am

Quote:A quick case in point that I’m harder on myself than I am on anybody else...I imagine we all do this from time to time. I have a hard listening to my own material, even just a few months after I've finished it. And that makes it real hard to finish a CD, which I've been working on (and off) for almost two years....however, I have just had to "let it go" a bit. It's hard to get much done while being a perfectionist.And ugh - I recently popped in a CD I made at home a few years ago. It's so emabarrasing that I took the remaining copies "out of print" so to speak - as Aub said, "What was I thinking"? Yet, I had somebody buy a copy not too long ago and now he wants three more for his family. Go figure...

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