Nothing Left But The Pain

[Duffy]

Trying to get my focus back on my writing. It's been too long since my last song.
Any ideas, criticism suggestions are welcome.

Bill


Nothing Left But The Pain
Written By: Bill Duffy

Verse 1
I’m standing on the corner
Just staring at my phone
Should I give you a call
Or just leave you alone

Verse 2
My life has really changed
Since your not around
I was feeling so happy
Till my life became unwound

Chorus:
Nothing left but memories
That use to be you and me
Nothing left of our love affair
I'm just another casualty

Nothing left to think about
There’s nothing left to gain
Just me and your memory
There’s nothing left ...but the pain

Verse 3
My friends say to move on
I can't live in the past
Its easy for them to say
But I can't forget that fast

Verse 4
I know it wasn't my fault
You just couldn't be true
But I'm feeling this heartache
I hope you feel it to

Chorus:
Nothing left but the memories
That use to be you and me
Nothing left of our love affair
I'm just another casualty

Nothing left to think about
There’s nothing left to gain
Just me and your memories
There's nothing left ...but the pain

Verse 5
As I go home at night
To a silence that I dread
I sit there in the bedroom
On your side of the bed

Verse 6
As my tears start to fall
I hang my head in shame
You where my everything
Till you played the cheating game

Chorus:
Nothing left but the memories
That use to be you and me
Nothing left of our love affair
I'm just another casualty

Nothing left to think about
There’s nothing left to gain
Just me and your memories
There's nothing left ...but the pain

Tag:
Just me and your memories
There's nothing left ..but ..the pain

[jonathansorensen]

I like that hook . . . .nothing left but the pain. The verses all hang together but don't have quite enough impact from imagery. Songs like:
"you're going to miss this"
"our song"
are really good examples of very strong imagery and story.

The lyrics are really good and you have a great hook. I'm just thinking of competing with the hits.

[inga]

-suggest change to-

I’m standing on the corner
- standing on the corner -

Just staring at my phone
- staring at the phone -

Should I give you a call
- should i call you -

Or just leave you alone
- or leave alone-

Verse 2
My life has really changed
- life has really changed -

Since your not around
- now you're not around -

I was feeling so happy
- was feeling happy -

Till my life became unwound
- before life unwound -

[inga]

Just staring at my phone
- staring at phone -

[RonKujawa]

The feel and language of your verses struck me as good overall and there seems to be a good flow when reading. However, there are a few phrases that didn't sound very conversational, like...

I was feeling so happy, till my life became unwound

If you imagine you were sitting with a friend and you were talking to a friend, would you say these lines? They felt a little forced to me. Maybe something like...

I don't know how it happened, but it all became unwound

Also, there is one line in your chorus that strikes me as out of place - "I'm just another casualty". It has me thinking I'm missing a big part of your story. To me, this line implies that this person is cold-hearted and has a history of doing this to others, but the only other reference is in verse 6 "you played the cheating game." My brain wants more of that story filled in. Maybe how you found out this person was cheating? You caught them? They admitted it? Someone told you?

I hope that's helpful.

Ron

[mikeShort]

Hey Bill-

I think you have a good start here. I agree with a lot of what's been said, but I'll add a few things:

"Nothing left but memories
That use to be you and me "

I think the memories are still "you and me" so this doesn't work for me. How about something like:

Nothing left but memories
Of what used to be you and me

(and "used" should have the "d" regardless of how you decide to go.)

You use the would "just" a lot in a way that doesn't add to the texture of the song. This often results in a missed opportunity, because it's using up a precious beat without adding anything of substance. There is usually a better word, or a better phrase available, with more detail, if you take the time to think it through. In the phrase: "there's nothing left/Just me and you", the word means Only, so it adds. But "just a casuality" is taking up space, as is: Just staring at the phone/Just leave you alone. And even in the case of Just me and you, "only" might be a better word (and it usually scans better, too!)

Just some thoughts. Thanks for sharing.