Oh My God It's You (Christian Contemporary)

[mikeShort]

First draft of a new song. Thought I'd see what you think!

Oh My God It's You
by Michael B. Short © 2012

Your hair is blue
With streaks of green
You've got more piercings
Than I've ever seen
Your clothes are black
Where there are clothes at all
And more art
Than a museum wall

Pre-chorus
What you say
The least of my brothers
What you say
The least of my sisters
Oh my God

Chorus
Oh my God it's you!
Oh my God it's you!
I couldn't see it
I wouldn't dream it
I'd never guess it was true
Oh my God it's you!

Your skin is brown
Your muscles hardened
Your English no good
As you work the garden
You family
Eats stuff in tortillas
I don't look
So I never see ya

Pre-chorus
Chorus

Bridge
Nobody's nobody
Everyone is somebody
And we're all the Body
We're all the Body of Christ

Chorus

[darkcountry]

I do like the message of the song. I am not quite sure what the pre-chorus is saying, however. I know its a scriptural reference, but would it be better if the speaker were addressing Christ and said "I know you said..."? That would make it a little more clear for me. Also, I think the song plays on stereotypes in the second verse that aren't very flattering for the speaker. If that is intended, and the song shows his or her spiritual growth, then I would wonder how that epiphany occurred. Maybe that could be revealed more in the bridge, especially since the pre-chorus shows the speaker is aware of the "least of my brothers" teaching.

These are the things that your draft reveal to me. Not sure how helpful it is or if I'm right track concerning your intent, but that's why we post here because we want to know what others see. I do believe you've got a great base and premise to work with.

God bless.
Steve

[AnthonyCeseri]

Hey mike - thanks for posting.

One thing I noticed here is that your switching people from verse 1 to verse 2. A lot of times the second verse is a chance to advance your story line, as opposed to start something new. It can just help the overall development of the story you're trying to tell. I hope that makes sense. If not, this may explain better:
http://www.successforyoursongs.com/past ... s/issue-2/

I think darkcountry is right. The overall message is good.