OK - I'M READY NOW

[cyndy]

OK Guys,Way back in Jan/Feb when I first joined Taxi, I posted my song "Back Away From The Edge" in the Peer-to-Peer section for comments. But it quickly became obvious to me that I wasn't really ready to objectively hear what others had to say about it.Well, since that time, I've grown to trust many of you immensely by watching how you've helped person after person with your suggestions/insight.So...can I put my baby out there again and ask for your help in developing it. Thanks a million for taking time to listen!!(WARNING: Country genre - beware!!)BACK AWAY FROM THE EDGEhttp://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fus....endID=365679086Back Away From The EdgeHe dangled his toes on the crevice of timeWell really, it was the diving board edgeHe looked down in fright at the watery sightAnd knew it was way 'oer his headSome boys called him "Chicken"And threatened to tossThe 3-year-old off, then they frozeAt a voice strong and low that the toddler did knowDad said "Son, back away from the edge."Many everyday people have now reached the timeWhere they're standing with toes on a lineThey've tried looking left & they've tried looking rightBut nothing is all they can findIt seems like the answer to all of their painIs to just end it all, there's no hopeCan't somebody get them away from the edgeAnd reach them with more than just ropeBut you've got cardboard cathedralsWith legos for people sitting there filling a pewIs it any wonder that some folks go underWhen trying to look there for truthEven hard-hearted people all know that a steepleShould represent more than a bellWhat we need are the kind of preachersWho'll teach to us creatures How to "stay-the-heck" out of hell.If anyone listening to the words of this songHas a moment when something goes wrongAnd it feels like the weight of the world's on your backAnd nobody cares you're aloneRemember the words that you hear in this songAnd know it's for you they were saidTake one more minute to ponder this thought"Please, back away from the edge"Take one more minute to ponder this thoughtAnd please, back away from the edge.Cyndy Tully - (C) 2007 BMI - All rights reserved

[zoom]

Hey Cyndy!Ok.... didn't hear the first version, but I'll give you some notes on my take of it!Great traditional country tune musically... and I agree with Warren it needs to be sped up a bit. It's kind of cheeky lyrically, so a faster tempo would help convey that too. I get what you're going after with the lyrics.... and there are some really good images... "cardboard cathedrals with legos for people" is my fav! But there may be a better way to get to "back away from the edge" than through the first example. When you head over to verse 2, the story from V1 really doesn't fit with the new information, and there's not really an overt call back to the story until the end.And, I'm no expert here, but I think you need a strong 4 line chorus that you can come back to -- even though stylistically may not work. I'm not really hearing a hook in the song (other than the notes of the melody), something that we can come back to time after time after time... and a chorus would help break up the story as well as give something memorable lyrically to latch onto. I don't know why, but I keep thinking of a song like "Que Sera Sera"....Overall, the musicality and production are really good, lyrics have some pretty cool imagery, and the style is right on track.... I think you're almost there.

[ncc1701]

Hey Cyndy. Glad to see you're hanging in there!The production sounds very good and appropriate for the traditional country tune. Musically, what sticks out to me is the vocals.DISCLAIMER: I am SOOOO not a vocalist myself that you can take anything I say from this point on and throw it out the window if you like. I've just heard some of this same advice that I'm about to pass along to you and it did help me out.I get the feeling you put a lot of heart and emotional investment into writing your lyrics. When you record it, the only way you have to share those emotions is through your voice. To be perfectly honest, what I hear when I listen to your song is someone who believes in her message but is underconfident, even a little shaky, about performing. The pitch is mostly there, but I don't hear strength or conviction behind the words.This happened to me a lot too at first. People who heard my recordings told me it sounded like I was singing the lyrics off a printout for the first time.Some helpful friends in the business gave me a couple of tips: 1) Turn your input levels down on the mic. You will have to sing stronger (not necessarily the same as louder) to hit the right levels for recording. (This may be something you can practice doing at home before you ever go into a studio.) 2) Close your eyes when you sing and fantasize you are a superstar. I know, it's silly, but that's what great performances are - performances. Half of good singing is good musicianship. The other half is acting.There. Like I say, take it or leave it. But I have a sneaky suspicion you could really knock some socks off if you put your heart on your sleeve and just let loose and SANG. Kathleen

[rld]

Along with those other ideas, when I sing parts, I really try and get into it. I make hand gestures, faces, anything to feel the emotion.Most of the time, I'm by myself and it would look pretty damn funny to others. Just something to try.

[allends]

Aug 27, 2008, 7:57am, rld wrote:I make hand gestures, faces, anything to feel the emotion.I saw that, Roger!

[jay10music]

CINDY.....I Thought the tempo for this track was just right... .Good country song with Good lyrics and your voice fits it like a glove... .The productions not great but it's good. The only thing that I feel is missing to make this song sail, is some harmony parts in a chorus... This is just my opinon....Good Luck With It...jay........