On The Threshold

[Twig]

Hello folks, This is my first attempt to have my work critiqued by anyone other than friends. There are some parts of the lyrics I'm not completely 'convinced' about. I would be grateful to any of you who would be willing to listen to the song and relay your thoughts.

Thanks,
Steve

"On The Threshold"

DEMO http://www.taxi.com/twilegar

I used to shoot my whiskey
Now I sip it slow
Hell bent for the devil
I had no place to go

A melody of madness
Burning in my head
Contemplating destiny
Maybe better off dead

CHORUS:
You go high and I'll go low
Never the two shall meet
And Drift away silently
Like a ship into the deep
Took a chance and paid the price
How could I be so wrong
Seems like it was yesterday
The notion was so strong

Remnants of my dignity
In faded photographs
Fighting with a Memory
I never really had

Don't be fooled by the painted house
Cold and empty inside
Like a flower on a thistle
She knows where to hide

CHORUS:

© 2011 Steven Michael Twilegar

[ocean]

Excellent, strong lyrics.
These lines:

"Remnants of my dignity
In faded photographs
Fighting with a Memory
I never really had"

Are fantastic.
I also like your musical expression. Rough, yet vulnerable.

[Twig]

Thanks very much Ocean. I appreciate you taking the time to give me feedback.

[nick.moxsom]

Steve,

Great song, powerful lyric, very nice indeed.

I feel you could turn this into something special with a few tweaks:

1) Whilst I appreciate it's by no means a click track piece, it feels like the guitar rhythm isn't quite tight enough to keep the pace going. Might be worth another pass with the acoustic.

2) Same goes for the backing vox. As they come in they sing a different rhythm from your lead vocal, and it's slightly distracting. I like a bit of interplay, but they come in a fraction too late, to my ears. And I might put the lead vocal straight down the middle with a b/vocal either side.

3) More volume on the guitar in comparison with your lead vocal.

Really enjoyed it, though, and I think if it's tightened up a bit it'll be bang on.

Nick

[Twig]

Nick,

I'm impressed at how ya'll are picking up on this stuff. The guitar and all the vox were first pass....and it shows. I adjusted the b-vox and guitar in REAPER but they are still sub-par at best. Thanks for that. I think I may have subconsciously put the guitar a bit further back than I would have liked to because I wasn't happy with it.

Putting the vocals in the middle wasn't something I was certain about. Good advice. Do you suggest putting the b-vox all on one side or split them to opposite sides?

Thanks a lot Nick. I really appreciate your taking the time to advise me on this project.

Steve

[nick.moxsom]

I think you should put one b/voc on each side (sorry, I tried to say that but it obviously wasn't clear), and pan them to 3 and 9 o'clock or thereabouts.

What I suggest (if I may be so bold) is that you determine a rough bpm for what you have already recorded, open a new session, use a click at that tempo, and retake the guitar so it's tighter. You could then drop the vocal wav's into the new session and move them into place – all of that, of course, assumes you did this on a DAW. Anywhichway, it's deffo worth another pass on the guitar. It's a strong song, but I don't think you've found the groove yet.

HTH

Nick

[Twig]

Nick,

By all means, do tell! I can use all the help I can get since I haven't been using my DAW for more than a couple months. BTW I am using REAPER and absolutely love it.

That is a great idea to use the metro. I'll give that a try. I see now where you very clearly said to put the b-vox on each side...missed that.

Thanks Nick! Very helpful!!!

Steve

[ernstinen]

I agree with most of the above comments. Really fine lyrics, and aching vocal. Nice!

Production ideas, which have been stated before: The vocal overpowers the guitar accompaniment. Some stereo panning is in order, like maybe using a slight delay on the backing vocals to make them more stereo; same with the guitar. Possibly pan the guitar and short delay hard left and right, and do the same with the BG vocals at maybe 9 and 3 o'clock to open up the whole sound more.

Other than that, really nice stuff! Oh, maybe the title should be the last line in the chorus? Just an idea!

Best Regards,

Ern

[sedge]

Hi Steve,
Hope we don't lose you to the grid lines of a DAW , I like the song!

My anti thoughts on the click if I may?

Rather than use a click - practising to get the song tight and right first is, in my opinion, the only way.

A good performance is easy to record/mix down.

If I find myself spending more time on the DAW than playing/singing then it really means something is wrong in the take and I should re record.

A good approach away from the click I found is, recording a free/live guitar and vocal live take first (no headphones, just play and sing in the room, having fun) - not moving on to mixing/recording techniques/ other takes until I have the tight guitar and vocal just the way I want it. (arm the track, get settled (few friends round helps!) and keep blasting a few out till we cant no more, have a listen through after, pick the best)

Grabbing this best take as a guide track to record the other parts over separately will keep and highlight the magical moments where the vocal and guitar become one!

Appreciate there are many ways to work and learning here too but I find this way keeps it free and fresh, each ping of the click is an authentic moment taken from us - Ban the click! ... and play to the click within
(IMO)

Sedge

[Twig]

I am just now beginning to get my head around how important it is to get a solid take before moving on to mixing etc.... Had I done that.... well, lesson learned. This has been insanely educational.

Thanks Ern and Sedge both for the advice. Very helpful indeed. Don't know what I would do without all the help!

Thanks again!

Steve