Photographs

[partyofone]

Hey stephen.. nice changes and voicings in that piece ('specially for a non pianist he he).. and yeah great vocal quality too.That's a real interesting chord sequence that steps up at the end of each verse line too.I like the song as well. The bridge honestly took me off guard with it's spot, which could be a cool thing. I couldn't make out a traditional chorus which is something radio may want... but I like the flow, melody, and lyrics so maybe screw a conventional chorus ha ha!

[stephen]

Thank you Patrick. I kinda like that chord sequence build up too. Took a lil while to develop because I needed it to fit with the melody just right. Some folks like it others don't some find it strange, others think I should change it. And there's still room to become a pianist all my lecturers think I have the ability.

[suzdoyle]

Hey Stephen;Awesome vocals and nice piano chords, too! Just a couple suggestions about the lyrics, mostly about making it more concise and less wordy:<<<I see the pictures that we have madeThat show snippets of our history. Wonderful colours, picture perfect memoriesAnd that’s just what they are hanging on my wall. >>>- 3 "that"s in the above series, + the word "snippet" feels sharp, when it seems the intention is softness. Howza bout:I see pictures we have madeshowing facets (?) of our history;wonderful colours, picture perfect memories,and that's just what they are, hanging on my wall.<<<I saw you smilingAnd you looked so beautiful,I remember that day oh so clear.We were just hangingEnjoying each other’s company <--- too many syllables But that was yesterdayHanging on my wall. >>>Can you make the above more concise?, E.g.:Your smile looks so beautiful,I remember that day, oh, so clear.we spent the day together,But that was yesterday, hanging on my wallBridge:<<<A picture can paint a thousand liesBut I know what we have is trueSo let’s take the pictures off the wallAs we take new photographsAlive and real each day. >>>{ The bridge confuses me, as the first 2 verses gave the idea that the relationship may be over. Perhaps I misunderstood 'em. And the verses seem to value the old photos, then the bridge seems to say pictures aren't always true, and wants to replace them with living 'em !! I get where you're going with this, but it feels unclear and a tad confusing. } Howza bout:A picture can paint a thousand lies,but I know what we have is true;So let's remove them from the walland create new photographs <--- some line that conveys "living" the reality of what's captured in a photo . . . <<<I see the pictures that we made yesterdayAnd they can’t be printed in the photo house.These are the pictures that no one will ever seeThat keeps our hearts togetherEvery day in love.>>>I hold the pictures we made yesterdayones that no one else can view;the images of love and _________ <-- (something)painted on our hearts . . . Words and music by Stephen John Jnr.Copyright 2008*********Anyhoo, those are just some ideas. I think you have a wonderful song in the making!Best regards,Suz

[stephen]

Thanks Suz great ideas worth considering. Yeah, the enjoying each others company is a bit long on syllables I'm still snipping here and there. Thanks for your comments, much appreciated.

[stephen]

Hey Suz My intention at the bridge was/is not to confuse. My thought pattern here was this; the one thing we all do for a picture is pose and smile regardless of what went or happened before. So in that way a picture can lie. However. the picture is just a small representation of time, so it doesn't reveal the whole story. Removing the pictures from the wall is not literal but, just a kinda wake up call that we need to live out our lives make everyday a special living picture.In the verses the picture are valued, however I came to recognize that I don't want to live on the past dwelling on that alone, but I want to experience all the joys and uncertainty that the future holds the experiences, pictures the memories that only two people share. That the message of the song really. I still love your suggestions will seriously consider them Thanks a million.

[suzdoyle]

Hi Stephen;Gotcha! I think the trickiest part of writing lyrics is to convey complicated ideas in very few words. It's tricky! Anyhoo, I think you have a great song going here, and I look forwarding to hear it as it evolves.And, again, your vocals and piano work are AWESOME! ,Suz

[stephen]

Thanks again Suzzie. I'll keep working on all aspects of my craft. My lecturers think I should upgrade and do a piano major as well. I seriously considering it as I have to work out the extra time to practice ( working and studying part time is not the easiest thing in the world especially when the grading is very high a C is 70%). Thanks to all of you for your encouraging comments.

[mojobone]

Lovely. I get the Stevie Wonder reference, no shame in being compared to a classic, right? Could do, and do well, for an "a la".

[stephen]

No shame at all thanks Mojo.

[stephen]

Ok I may get an opportunity to pitch this song to some folks directly. If they asked me which artist I think would be suited for this song I would say something like ahmmm Brian Mc Knight or something like that. Any suggestions for you great folks here (taking into consideration the a la Stevie Wonders suggested earlier)