Please review :) Savannah Moon

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johnnyguest
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Please review :) Savannah Moon

Post by johnnyguest » Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:44 am

No oak trees were harmed in the writing of this song. A few erasers were abused severely, however.Savannah MoonBaby, let's get awaySecretlyAll I want is for you to dance with meHold you in my arms and slowly spin aroundIn that sweet oldGeorgia townIf it's on a rooftopor in a parking lotI just want to dance with youUnder the Savannah MoonIf it's on River Street downBy the dockI just want to dance with youUnder the Savannah MoonThere's an old oak treecovered in Spanish mossDown in Oglethorpe SquareWhere lovers can get lostIn a long slow kissOr in a secret smileI'll meet you there at sunsentAnd we'll dance a while...chorusbridgeBaby let me look in your eyesbefore the sun goes downI need to see it's for real...This good thing I've foundBut before we go there'sOne thing we have to dochorusYou can hear a scratch track of this here:www.myspace.com/ihearttheautomaticsThanks guys!Johnny
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bucyboy
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Re: Please review :) Savannah Moon

Post by bucyboy » Fri Jul 31, 2009 2:29 am

Hi Johnny. This sounds a bit like a Paul McCartney song to me. Maybe it's your vocal. It has a nice flow to it. Will you being doing a full demo? You should get more feedback if you post this under peer to peer. IMHOBuc

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Re: Please review :) Savannah Moon

Post by wordwoman » Fri Jul 31, 2009 4:34 am

Johnny....I haven't listened all the way through yet....am on my way out, but wanted to let you know that I am a songwriter...and I am about an hour away from you toward G.R. Always nice to meet someone on here from my homestate. I will try to get back and listen and let you know what I heard on the first listen....so I'll talk soon. pm me and let me know about your group, your writing, your goals...thanksJanice

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Re: Please review :) Savannah Moon

Post by johnnyguest » Sat Aug 01, 2009 3:22 pm

This song will be on my upcoming album, "Leavers and Non-Believers"...full band, lots of layers. I'm trying to capture the feel of Savannah itself. The way you can just saunter around and see incredible things all over the place...Thanks for your comments...Keep 'em coming!Johnny
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Re: Please review :) Savannah Moon

Post by waltl » Sun Aug 02, 2009 8:56 am

Johnny,I like the song, in particular the specific, concrete images that fit the feeling expressed in the song and that paint a picture of what a night in this city would look like.One nitpick - the word "secretly." It's a pretty strong word especially to come at the beginning of the song. It suggested to me that there was something going on in the relationship, as though the man and woman had to meet secretly. But that idea isn't developed in the song. Instead, they get together in a very public way.Walt

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Re: Please review :) Savannah Moon

Post by watksco » Sun Aug 02, 2009 3:50 pm

Aug 2, 2009, 11:56am, waltl wrote:Johnny,One nitpick - the word "secretly." It's a pretty strong word especially to come at the beginning of the song. It suggested to me that there was something going on in the relationship, as though the man and woman had to meet secretly. But that idea isn't developed in the song. Instead, they get together in a very public way.Walt+1 But I'd say the first two lines. V1 and V2 don't match rythmically. That may be deliberate, but it'll make keeping the melody consistent between the two difficult.Maybe try something like:V1Come and take my handMy sweet baby please...??Just my opinion.Cheers,Scott
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Re: Please review :) Savannah Moon

Post by johnnyguest » Sun Aug 02, 2009 3:50 pm

Wow, Walt!Ya know...when I wrote that, I MEANT that two people would sneak out of town together, be they married or what ever, and get away for a romantic kind of thing...I see how it came across to you.If I rewrite it, I could say, 'you and me' but I'd be using me again in the next line...I'll think on that a while.Thanks!Johnny Guest
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Re: Please review :) Savannah Moon

Post by johnnyguest » Mon Aug 03, 2009 3:55 pm

Hey Scott, thanks! I don't know how I missed your comment the other day.I see what you're saying about the difference in the verses. I'm kinda running with your idea...Baby lets get awayto a southern breezeAll I want is for you to dance with me...I'll work on it!Thanks a ton!Johnny
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Re: Please review :) Savannah Moon

Post by waltl » Tue Aug 04, 2009 10:06 am

Johnny,That rewrite (above) sounds like an excellent way to start Verse 1.I posted two lyrics. If you have the chance, I'd appreciate your checking them out. The titles are:If It Aint BrokeA Little Taste of the Good TimesWalt

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