Young singer songwriter looking for critique

[annathomas]

I am a soon to be 13 year old singer songwriter. I have this song "Trace of Light". You can listen to it on my profile: http://www.taxi.com/annathomasmusic(Is there a way to link to just the song? - If you please tell me...)Curious about arrangement, the bridge, should I add full band? Anything as I am a sponge and grateful for critique.Here are the lyrics:Trace of LightVERSE 1:WITH EVERY BREATH I’M FLOATING FARTHER AWAY FROM THE SHOREWITH EVERY CRY I’M SINKING DEEPER BUT I AM IGNOREDAND IF I TRY TO CRY OUT IT’S JUST MUFFLED WITH THE WAVESMY DESTINATION IS OUT OF VIEW NOW IT’S JUST TOO FAR WAYAND THOUGH THE SHIPS SAIL BESIDE ME THEY KEEP STILL ON THE COURSEMY EYES ARE STINGING WITH SALT AND I’M PREPARED FOR THE WORSTBUT SUDDENLY I SEE A FLICKER OF LIGHT ON THE TIDEAND I KNOW I’VE FOUND A LIGHTHOUSE AND I’LL BE ALRIGHTCHORUSI’LL HOLD ONFOR AT LEAST ANOTHER NIGHTI’LL TRY TO CARY ON CAUSE I HAVE YOU IN MY SIGHTAND I’LL PUSH MYSELF TO FIGHT THIS FIGHTCAUSE I’VE FOUND A TRACE OF LIGHTVERSE 2I WAKE TO SOUNDS OF THE OCEAN COLLIDING WITH THE SANDI HAVE MADE IT TILL THE MORNING, ALIVE AND ON LANDI HAD FORGOTTEN HOW IT FELT TO FEEL SO SAFE AND AT EASEMY LUNGS CAN STEADY AND RELAX AND I CAN FINALLY BREATHECHORUSBRIDGE: WHEN WAVES WERE RAPID AND ALIVE, I DIDN’T THINK I COULD SURVIVEMY HEART WAS ACHING FOR A RESCUE BUT NO ONE ARRIVEDAND WHEN MY WORLD WAS CAVING IN, I THOUGHT MY FEARS WOULD FINALLY WINBUT YOU CAME AND OPENED UP MY LIFE AND NOW I’M ABLE TO LIVEWHERE ALL THE OTHERS WALKED AWAYYOU TOOK THE TIME OUT AND YOU STAYEDAND NOW YOU HAVE CALMED THE STORM, I DO NOT HAVE TO FEAR THE WAVESThank you for your time...

[joeymurillo]

I think your acoustic version is good maybe a second stronger acoustic..A full band feel would do it justice as well..that uptempo feel some great drums but ofcourse not overdone.. Where did you record it? Very sweet natural voice..Dont change to much..Opinions are a dime a dozen and your on the right trackJoeywww.taxi.com/joeymurillo

[mojobone]

This is really, really good, and not just 'good for almost thirteen'. Yes, the song might benefit from a larger production, I think that's a very good idea. I would start with fretless bass and some relatively subtle drums, and maybe see if you can't get a little more sparkle into the guitar sound. Songwise, something you might want to work on is prosody; making sure the strong beats of your music/melody are aligned well with the strong syllables of your lyrics. I love where you went with the chords in the bridge-I wish I'd written it. Might could use a lyric tweak here and there, as well. For instance, you have the ocean colliding with the sand; I would have had waves collide with the shore, your metaphor for emotional turmoil is better supported that way, cuz waves on a beach are rather soothing, and heavy seas crashing against rocks conveys an image more appropriate to the emotional situation.

[jwebbinspired]

Wow. This is really good. You have a very good, current-sounding voice and delivery. I really like your lyrics. Like Mojo said, I can see some places to work on, but overall I think this is solid. I really like your bridge both musically/lyrically. Arrangement-wise...I think this doesn't need much more. A gentle piano accompaniment might be nice...but a fretless bass would be sweet (check out "Birmingham Road" by Jeff Black for a sweet fretless bass sound)Also, I read your bio...I am a huge fan of Nicole Nordeman and Bethany Dillon (Bethany is from where I grew up in Ohio). I can hear their influence in your music.Andy

[gburgess]

I agree with Joey, Mojo, and Andy in terms of lyrics and vocal.Wonderful presentation.Your voice is very mature for someone your age. Also your grasp of taking a subject and presenting it is very mature as well. I've got to believe that there are many songwriters much older than you that have not written a song as well as you have.In terms of instrumentation, in my opinion, it's all about what you want to do with your music, and who you want to share it with. In a day and age of bigger is better, far too often the thing that speaks loudest to me is a simple vocal with an acoustic guitar or two, or an acoustic guitar and piano--a simple presentation. What you want to do with your music will have a lot to do with how complex the supporting instrumentation should be. Wonderful. Keep up the fine work.GB

[mirabeam]

Sounds great Anna! I love your tone and delivery, songs are good also, very current especially in America.Good luck with it!Nathalie (Mirabeam)

[djb]

Anna, Very nice. Your voice is beautiful and your songs are strong and emotional. For me ,music should come from the heart and evoke a feeling in the listener, and yours do just that. Best of luck in all you do. Dave

[annathomas]

Wow! Thank you all! I think I may try to get into the song a little quicker...I got feedback from taxi that the bridge may be too long for an unknown artist...

[jwebbinspired]

That's good feedback from Taxi...a little nit-picky...but hey that's their job. As they say, Anna..."don't bore us get to the chorus"...in most pop and country music you should be singing the hook-line within 60 seconds...you have a little flexibility being a singer-songwriter...but remember that most listeners don't have a very long attention span...so what Taxi is suggesting will make your song flow a little more...and get back to the chorus sooner. Andy

[partyofone]

Wow hi Anna,Yeah sounds like you've already got the feedback you needed here but wanted to say I dig the song and you have a great voice! I'm sure you'll have great success and that's great that you're so focused at 13!!!