Re: Moral Support for Songwriters

gwenknittweis · Post by **gwenknittweis** » Fri Dec 28, 2007 10:02 pm

Dana,I am getting tremendous inspiration in the stories shared here. What a fabulous group of folks. I've also spent at least an hour reading old threads and, in general, this place rocks. I'm really blown away as well by how broad the geographic distribution is on these forums- I expected to see mostly LA, NY, and Nashvillians for some reason. I plan to read the "Debra Russell" article that Steve gave a link to tonight. Thanks all for sharing. I'll be back LM

jchitty · Post by **jchitty** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 2:44 am

Quote:I live in the same world as y'all. Sometimes, it does make me very sick and depressed. I think that its potentially terminal as well. Meaning, unless I actually get a cut with a major artist, I have no way to prove to these 'significant others' that my effort is worthwhile, and I'm actually very good. Kind of like saying ' I'm an astronaut, but I haven't flown the shuttle yet..... I could complain that my wife isn't supportive, but to be fair, it is kind of ridiculous to have 9 guitars, 3 basses, 3 keyboards, and 3 recording machines, when I only have me and my two hands to play them. (Its made it hard to argue her for having 5 different sewing machines....) We've been married 23 years and she's always "let me" have a studio and instrument collection of this proportion. I call that supportive. On the other hand, I was in upstate NY visiting her family over the holiday. Her mother is recouping from leg surgery at a rehab center. I suggested it would be nice if I brought my guitar over and played some Holiday songs for the patients. Negative reaction doesn't begin to describe her response. At that moment, I felt genuinely "disowned". Which is an emotion I frequently encounter, like 'uh... I don't know this person....' I think I've seen that from my kids and close friends as well. I think those are the hardest unspportive moments to deal with.ArkJackMy husband is very supportive of me. He's a one man cheerleading section. He even took up the banjo so he could participate in my hobby and feel a part of it...now he plays some of my songs. He says his banjo playing also relieves the stress of his job now. But when it comes to other friends and family, I don't share my songwriting that much with them unless they are really into music, and while I've had some very good responses, I've learned that I can only go so far. I've also learned to 'feel people out'......there are some friends who just resent what you do because they feel like they've never pursued their dreams, so they don't want you too either. Or there are the friends who think you're worthless because you don't have a big hit under your belt. Then there are those fair weather types who only kiss your arse if they feel like you're successful or you can 'do something for them.' All these types of friends are the ones I avoid discussing my music with at all costs....I don't need extra negativity in my life...I have enough rejection from the industry, thank you very much. I can understand getting depressed too....not to dismiss other genres, I know it's very hard for them as well, but country songwriters have it particulary tough. I feel particularly underappreciated at times. Nashville is such an insular town, and most of us country writers toil away behind the scenes in virtual obscurity. There are only so many rewards to go around, and the majority of us will never get that cut. But if you're like me, you do it because it's just what you do....kind of like your kindly old uncle who collects antique salt and pepper shakers.

ragani · Post by **ragani** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 5:59 am

This is just the best thread! Thanks for taking the plunge into the forum with this post, LHMias-- what a real upper it is to real all these heartfelt posts! Now I know why I stick around here-- there is so much support for musicians here, and it's a super place to let the musician in me find some real and heartfelt camaraderie. LHMias, clearly you have already found your friends here. When you have songwriting in your blood, connections with like-minded people (like those in TAXI-land) are absolutely vital to the enrichment of your life. It's like life-support. Can you imagine wanting to develop your love of snow sculptures if you lived in Bali? Finding a supportive community environment and a place to let your wings unfold is like breathing life into the heart. So plant your feet here, spend some time among friends who support your dreams, and go for it! Life it too short to waste with people who won't encourage us to live our dreams!! And it's my firm belief that once we understand that our deepest dreams are important for vitality and absolutely well-being, there is little time to be wasted in places where there is no support. Life is too short! Once that decision (to live among the supportive ones) is made, life swings open it's doors (and windows!) in a big way, and we wonder why we didn't make those decisions a lot earlier. We're all rooting for you, LHMias! Thank you for starting this thread, and for sharing something that strikes a deep chord with so many musicians and songwriters. May all your dreams come true. Raags

telaak · Post by **telaak** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 11:29 am

I know exactly where you're at...most people I know don't even know I play guitar, OR that I write songs..these days if you're not on the radio or have something musically going on..people look at you like you're some kind of dreamer/lunatic..even after a decent amount of what I consider success, I rarely bring up my music in social circles..it's sad too..because it's one of the most important things in my life..it changed my life..and @ times I think it saved my life..If I do slip up & mention my music @ a family function I usually get that look..you know..the one where they want to seem interested and use that "tone" when they talk to you about it..I mean very few people understand how radio & the music biz works..so almost everybody thinks "if your stuff is so good - why isn't it on the radio ?"to even attempt to answer that question is an exercise in futility..you know this the only person who always wanted to hear my songs was my mom..she died yesterday...thanks for posting this..took my mind off it for a while..songwriting IS part of you..the people close to you SHOULD respect it..they don't have to love it..but they should respect it..hope that helped..john

jchitty · Post by **jchitty** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 1:07 pm

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, Telaak. I know that nothing can take the place of a mother's love and support. Hopefully in the days to come, this board might be a bit of a comfort for you. Yes, we all share the same journey as songwriters.

squids · Post by **squids** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 1:22 pm

Quote:I know exactly where you're at...most people I know don't even know I play guitar, OR that I write songs..these days if you're not on the radio or have something musically going on..people look at you like you're some kind of dreamer/lunatic..even after a decent amount of what I consider success, I rarely bring up my music in social circles..it's sad too..because it's one of the most important things in my life..it changed my life..and @ times I think it saved my life..If I do slip up & mention my music @ a family function I usually get that look..you know..the one where they want to seem interested and use that "tone" when they talk to you about it..I mean very few people understand how radio & the music biz works..so almost everybody thinks "if your stuff is so good - why isn't it on the radio ?"to even attempt to answer that question is an exercise in futility..you know this the only person who always wanted to hear my songs was my mom..she died yesterday...thanks for posting this..took my mind off it for a while..songwriting IS part of you..the people close to you SHOULD respect it..they don't have to love it..but they should respect it..hope that helped..johnOh, John, I'm so sorry to hear that....your mom. That's such a loss. Please accept my most heartfelt condolences, not only because she was your mom but because she was a great supporter.And I agree with you. I do the same......very few people know what I do with music in this area anymore. I don't mention it socially, although lots of people I hang with have gone to my shows when I do them (I still occasionally dip into the waters). I guess I figured out a while ago that while they like it okay, they don't get it and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable or anything. Plus, I stopped working with amateurs and that changed some things around here too. Some folks thought I was getting snooty but the truth is, it was a lot of time and effort and not a lot of ROI. So now I lay pretty low in my hometown and while it's not the way I'd like it, I'm finally okay with it. It's a bit lonely sometimes but I don't think I got into music because I dreamed of fame or whatever, mostly because it was something inside of me that wanted a way to express itself and that hasn't changed. Putting people between me and the source sometimes only clutters the landscape. Anyway, I'm glad you found us on the forums. And I'm really sorry about your mom.

squids · Post by **squids** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 6:29 am

Lots of sick folks down here. It's sad, especially in light of the fact that we've been complaining about it for two years and they spent about that much time denying there was anything wrong. Okay, back to the thread. Interesting discussion!I'd like to add that my husband actually told me I had a really nice voice the other day so I'm celebrating! Ooh, and it's Valentine's Day! Happy V-Day to all who have a partner, to those who don't but are looking and to those who don't and aren't looking. We're all our own Valentines.

jchitty · Post by **jchitty** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 6:45 am

Quote:Lots of sick folks down here. It's sad, especially in light of the fact that we've been complaining about it for two years and they spent about that much time denying there was anything wrong. Okay, back to the thread. Interesting discussion!I'd like to add that my husband actually told me I had a really nice voice the other day so I'm celebrating! Ooh, and it's Valentine's Day! Happy V-Day to all who have a partner, to those who don't but are looking and to those who don't and aren't looking. We're all our own Valentines. I'm guessing the government denied it 'coz they didn't want any lawsuits, plus, the people who manufacture these products wouldn't want it to get out 'coz it's bad for biz, if you know what I mean. And course, those trailers were all they had to offer folks.Your hubby is very lucky to have you, and Happy Valentine's Day to you too.That was very sweet of him to tell you that. I can understand, if I was a family member, you'd be like a radio to me...I'd ask you to sing everyday!

squids · Post by **squids** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 5:19 pm

Quote:Hey telaak,I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I'll be praying for you. Be strong my man.As far as support from my family...zero...nada...zilch...absolutely nothin'...I've been doin' this too long to even care...Whenever I mention to my mother...like chits' mother-in-law, she'll change the subject. So I definitely don't do much talkin' to her about it. I decided some time ago, that I was really only gonna' associate with folks that were musicians, producers, singers, etc...because we're all usually on the same page. For me, to try and make friends with folks that don't have the same interest as I, musically, has usually turned out to be either useless, worthless, and sometimes even costly. So I'm very careful in this day & age about the people I associate with. If you're not one of the above mentioned type of folks, we're probably not gonna' be seein' much of each other. And in most cases, that's fine with me. I've trimmed alot of energy draining, dream stealin', time consuming folks from my life over the years. I feel alot better these days because of it.I've got my focus on something else. Everybody's got their focus on whatever it is they've got their focus on. Don't feel guilty or less than because your focus is where it is. Stand your ground...if this is your passion, don't let anyone sway you from it. Sometimes, people's motives are to sway others from their passion(s), because they have none of their own, or might secretly be trying to sabotage your passion(s) for fear of you possibly advancing and moving forward, and no longer having a need for them. I've been down that road quite a number of times in the past. When I finally stopped allowing it to happen, all was well with me. People have all kinds of motives for what they do when it comes to circumstances like this. All I can say is...don't empower them. Keep your power for yourself! Oftentimes, tough to do, but almost always necessary. My .02.ibanez468Well, color me a non-musician friend! I'm about 3/4 that anyway. We'll, like, I don't know, whatever it is they do. (Take meetings? Do lunch? ) You know, whateva that is.