Rock: Keep or sweep? "Trapped In Public"

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devin
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Rock: Keep or sweep? "Trapped In Public"

Post by devin » Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:51 am

A good friend of mine wrote this dark tune, but he's strictly an acoustic singer/songwriter...so I did a "one day demo" to check it out as something edgier. Would this song be worth fixing up for some of the rock listings?I was going for pensive at the start of the vocal (anxiety), but I liked it enough after the second verse gets going. Of course, I don't have to pay to hear my voice, so it's worth the money to me Just making a mix with my vox too hot is an accomplishment, normally I reduce my voice to "ambient" http://www.thepondstudio.ca/TIP.mp3Trapped In Public© John Crossman & Devin MelansonFear of public speakingFear of public breathingReeking and revealingAll the fear I'm feelingTime to cut the air outTime to finally find outWhether inside out isThe worst thing that could happenI'm cracking up the side of meLightning on an oak treeBurning from the insideFire is eating me aliveFear of higher climbing (trapped in public, etc)Fear of this decidingIRolling down a steeper hillClutching at the roots and stillBed of nails, I'm lyingIn slower motion dyingA suicidal gestureI wasn't even tryingNo time left to crash the carToo late I've gone too farI can hear the sirens wailTestament to life so frailFear of public seeingFear of public beingWrecking and forgettingI ever had a feelingI'm cracking up the side of meLightning on an oak treeBurning from the insideFire is eating me aliveTestament to life so frail
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Re: Rock: Keep or sweep? "Trapped In Public"

Post by feaker » Mon Nov 16, 2009 8:06 am

DevinThat second chord between 5 and 9 seconds sounds out of tune. The backgorund chords sound great???I that you singing?Man you sound alot like Cam with your final verse words. Like the way you growl some of those words.Very powerful sound.Went south for me about 1:57.Some parts are tight enough, but many are disjointed without direction?Tune that damn guitar:) Good luck with the tweaking.paul

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Re: Rock: Keep or sweep? "Trapped In Public"

Post by devin » Mon Nov 16, 2009 8:19 am

Thanks Feaker!Ya, I took the whole dissonant thing too far I guess...sounded good at the time with the chorus etc all going...
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Re: Rock: Keep or sweep? "Trapped In Public"

Post by k o star » Tue Nov 17, 2009 12:29 am

This is a good tune Devin... though I felt the vox is a bit too upfront...It's got some Nick Cave feel to it...Yea, I think if the vox is mixed a little bit softer... it would be Gr8...Nice lead too...Kel
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Re: Rock: Keep or sweep? "Trapped In Public"

Post by k o star » Tue Nov 17, 2009 12:30 am

Oh yes... & I think this is worth fixing up yea!
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Re: Rock: Keep or sweep? "Trapped In Public"

Post by devin » Tue Nov 17, 2009 2:30 am

Thanks Kel!Ya bro, no one is more surprised than me to hear my vox mixed too high...that's a first hehehe.
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Re: Rock: Keep or sweep? "Trapped In Public"

Post by willwillp » Tue Nov 17, 2009 8:54 am

cool song...yeah I hear the Nick Cave vibe a bit and I like the song. It definitely has a cool vibe. I'm not much of a Rock guy these days...I think Bad Motor Finger was the last Rock record I bought and then the whole genre just lost me, and I am not an expert on songwriting....But from the little I do hear on the radio, this doesn't sound contemporary...but I guess it would depend on the listing and what they're looking for. There are definitely some listings for different vibes. Something else that I noticed is that the lyric is really more of a poem than a lyric in that while the imagery is great, it is a bit vague and doesn't have that story feel to it with a beginning, middle and end. But again...I think it would depend on the listing and what they are looking for.

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Re: Rock: Keep or sweep? "Trapped In Public"

Post by devin » Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:02 am

Thanks Will...your input is very appreciated!
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Re: Rock: Keep or sweep? "Trapped In Public"

Post by teleblaster » Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:24 am

Interesting piece Devin. My first listen makes me want one more section to come in sooner. It feels like the emotion/energy is building for a really long time, and I want it to get there sooner, a HUGE chorus or something sooner than the guitar solo at 2:20. Patience is not one of my hallmarks though...Your voice has a hint of the dude from the Moody Blues, something about your tremolo and phrasing. I think this could be a great alt. rock cutnice demo, thanks for postingErich

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Re: Rock: Keep or sweep? "Trapped In Public"

Post by willwillp » Wed Nov 18, 2009 10:30 am

no sweat Devin...your song rocks

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