Please Critique

[anne]

The electric guitar sounds good, it's really driving the action. I like your voice too. The drums are doing there job (loose the drum riff in the chorus) and I don't hear any bass, if it's there bring it up some more. The spacing between the verses seems untypical of a rock song. When I thought the next verse would start it was delayed one measure. Tighten that up and add a guitar solo, I mean really it is a rock song right? So cut loose on that guitar one time. . As far as the lyrics go I listened to the song three times and I think they could use some polishing. Make the story better and tighter. I think these lyrics can work with this music but they need to flow from beginning to end effortlessly. Over all I would say yes you have a song here and I liked it , but still a work in progress not a polished gem ready for submission to a publisher.Hi Mark - I would agree most with Glender's comments. I think you have a good track here in the making. I like your vocals on this, and I think the song could work together with emotion in the vocals that match the aggressiveness of the backing track. This is a track that could be made pitch-ready with some tweaking - if you could, please share if you would be using it as an artist demo, to pitch to a publisher, or as a tv track, or on your own CD, that would help to frame the work that should be done to it.Nice start!

[mfowler]

I think it is important to post opinions that are repeated or similar... I know it help me get a consensus... if only one person posts an opinion and others agree but don't convey that, one may not take the advice as seriously..... Marlin

[renips]

Nov 17, 2009, 8:51am, anne wrote:The electric guitar sounds good, it's really driving the action. I like your voice too. The drums are doing there job (loose the drum riff in the chorus) and I don't hear any bass, if it's there bring it up some more. The spacing between the verses seems untypical of a rock song. When I thought the next verse would start it was delayed one measure. Tighten that up and add a guitar solo, I mean really it is a rock song right? So cut loose on that guitar one time. . As far as the lyrics go I listened to the song three times and I think they could use some polishing. Make the story better and tighter. I think these lyrics can work with this music but they need to flow from beginning to end effortlessly. Over all I would say yes you have a song here and I liked it , but still a work in progress not a polished gem ready for submission to a publisher.Hi Mark - I would agree most with Glender's comments. I think you have a good track here in the making. I like your vocals on this, and I think the song could work together with emotion in the vocals that match the aggressiveness of the backing track. This is a track that could be made pitch-ready with some tweaking - if you could, please share if you would be using it as an artist demo, to pitch to a publisher, or as a tv track, or on your own CD, that would help to frame the work that should be done to it.Nice start!Hello Anne,You pose a very good question. This song is intended for my upcoming CD. If along the way a listing comes along that I think is right then I will submit for that listing as I have done so far in my first year. All of the opinions and suggestions have been very much appreciated. Thanks

[anne]

The reason I asked is because when a song is for your own personal CD that you sell to your existing network, you (of course) want it to be the best it can be, but you also have a lot more lattitude in the way of song structure, vibe etc. What I hear in the song you have is something that your existing fans would likely enjoy. What I also hear is a good solid start to a song that can be made to be forwarded to listings through taxi. I'm assuming you have the capability to record at home or locally, and that this is where you made the track you posted. Other than technical issues that can be taken care of later, like removing the extra bar after the verses so it flows better from one verse to the next, and blending the vocals in with the backing track etc, I would start with the vocals. I don't know your background so forgive me if I seem presumptuous in these recommendations :If so, I would think through the meaning behind what you are saying in each line. Write down on your lyric sheet what emotion you are getting across in each sentance - they can all be different from each other. Think about how those emotions tie into the aggressiveness of the backing track - are you anxious, are you passionate, are you enraged, are you desperate? Your lyrics are sweet, but the track is heavy - you have to make them tie together with the emotion you put out through your lyrics. Let yourself feel that emotion when you are doing another take of your vocals, and I think you will see a big difference right away, and it will make the rest of the task easier to tackle. Be intrepid, don't worry about hamming it up a bit for now - this will help you settle in on a much more emotive vocal performance which will help the listener understand where you are coming from as the "main character" of the song. Let me know if this kind of advice is helpful. I found the biggest detractor in the track was that the emotion of the lyrics and the track were very different. Remember, on a cd the listener can't see you, and the music / words / melody / and the emotion of all of it needs to come through from your performance. HTH

[renips]

Nov 17, 2009, 12:22pm, anne wrote:The reason I asked is because when a song is for your own personal CD that you sell to your existing network, you (of course) want it to be the best it can be, but you also have a lot more lattitude in the way of song structure, vibe etc. What I hear in the song you have is something that your existing fans would likely enjoy. What I also hear is a good solid start to a song that can be made to be forwarded to listings through taxi. I'm assuming you have the capability to record at home or locally, and that this is where you made the track you posted. Other than technical issues that can be taken care of later, like removing the extra bar after the verses so it flows better from one verse to the next, and blending the vocals in with the backing track etc, I would start with the vocals. I don't know your background so forgive me if I seem presumptuous in these recommendations :If so, I would think through the meaning behind what you are saying in each line. Write down on your lyric sheet what emotion you are getting across in each sentance - they can all be different from each other. Think about how those emotions tie into the aggressiveness of the backing track - are you anxious, are you passionate, are you enraged, are you desperate? Your lyrics are sweet, but the track is heavy - you have to make them tie together with the emotion you put out through your lyrics. Let yourself feel that emotion when you are doing another take of your vocals, and I think you will see a big difference right away, and it will make the rest of the task easier to tackle. Be intrepid, don't worry about hamming it up a bit for now - this will help you settle in on a much more emotive vocal performance which will help the listener understand where you are coming from as the "main character" of the song. Let me know if this kind of advice is helpful. I found the biggest detractor in the track was that the emotion of the lyrics and the track were very different. Remember, on a cd the listener can't see you, and the music / words / melody / and the emotion of all of it needs to come through from your performance. HTHAnne,I want to thank you sincerely for some very constructive thoughts you have conveyed. Your advice is very genuine and I thank you. You have a grand vision of what a songs potential can be. Most of all you have communicated your ideas in a way that I can really relate to. Thank you very muchMark

[Kolstad]

Hmm Mark, I like the lyric, your voice (sounds a bit Ozzy), and most of whats there.I guess I think it's in a pretty early production stage. I would have wanted to hear the drums and bass way more up, and perhaps more dynamics in the guitar (if you have a clean track, you can perhaps mix between more clean and dirty to separate the sections).I agree somewhat with the other comments, that this particular arrangement doesn't sell the song too well. As is it sounds kinda bad 80'ies IMO, and I could hear this with a Eurythmics kind of vibe, or a more heavy nu metal type of vibe, with even heavyer guitars.. or perhaps a blend of those two to make it sound contemporary I don't think you've made the best of this yet..

[glender]

I would agree with a lot of what's being said (what a cool web-site) and I would suggest you lean towards giving the lyrics a little more edge. For example instead of starting out with a happy light hearted phrase like "painting the town a light shade of red". How about coming out with some serious conviction and say "We're going to paint the town three shades of red" Let your audience know your not screwing around. Rock songs need rock lyrics and lot's of attitude. BTW I won't sue you if you use that lyric, the first one is on the house

[renips]

Nov 18, 2009, 9:45am, glender wrote:I would agree with a lot of what's being said (what a cool web-site) and I would suggest you lean towards giving the lyrics a little more edge. For example instead of starting out with a happy light hearted phrase like "painting the town a light shade of red". How about coming out with some serious conviction and say "We're going to paint the town three shades of red" Let your audience know your not screwing around. Rock songs need rock lyrics and lot's of attitude. BTW I won't sue you if you use that lyric, the first one is on the house Hello Glender. It is a "subtle shade of red". Not a "light shade of red". I appreciate the suggestion though.ThanksMark

[glender]

One small suggestion, start the song with tapping drum sticks counting it down. Maybe a little quick drum action on the 4th beat, then blast off. This song starts with a very fast attack I'd like one measure of warning before the guitar kicks in. (Food for thought)