Lyrics to review please :) Savannah Moon

[johnnyguest]

No oak trees were harmed in the writing of this song. A few erasers were abused severely, however. Savannah MoonBaby, let's get awaySecretlyAll I want is for you todance with meHold you in my arms andslowly spin aroundIn that sweet oldGeorgia townIf it's on a rooftopor in a parking lotI just want to dance with youUnder the Savannah MoonIf it's on River Street downBy the dockI just want to dance with youUnder the Savannah MoonThere's an old oak treecovered in Spanish mossDown in Oglethorpe SquareWhere lovers can get lostIn a long slow kissOr in a secret smileI'll meet you there at sunsentAnd we'll dance a while...chorusbridgeBaby let me look in your eyesbefore the sun goes downI need to see it's for real...This good thing I've foundBut before we go there'sOne thing we have to dochorusYou can hear a scratch track of this here:www.myspace.com/ihearttheautomaticsThanks guys!Johnny

[squids]

I like it.....nice melody on the verses and chorus, and sweet ambiance. With a great production and stronger vocal with more phrasing, it'll get you a forward, I bet. I think the bridge could maybe use a bit mo work.....I've always gone with the feeling that the bridge oughta be a bit more dramatic or there's no point to it.

[johnnyguest]

thanks Squids!I've been rethinking how all of these songs should be sung, going into the studio soon.Savannah Moon is kinda country-ish, but I'm not really sure what all genres it might work for. What do you think?

[squids]

Well, it's the south.....but the theme is universal. I think you could go both bluegrass (ala Nickel Creek) and alt country with a more stripped down, clean, emotional version. And, okay, this is actually a better idea but one you probably are going to say "we can't do that, it's too weird!" but jazz would work too. It has that timeless kind of quality to the writing that would fit with jazz standards really well.Also, keep this in mind - I'd keep a copy sans vox, add some nice acoustic bits here and there and shop it for film/tv.Jes some thoughts. It's really pretty.

[watksco]

Hey Jonny,It's a great lyric and seems strong melodically. I agree with what squids said RE full production/stronger vocal. It's got lots of space in it so the vocal is going to be critical.I thought the intro/turn-around into V2 were too longGreat writing. Cheers,Scott

[johnnyguest]

Thanks for the great advice guys. I think I will take it!I got a cool fortune cookie today: Many receive advice, only the wisest profit by it. I think that sums up what this forum is all about.Scott, I'm planning only once through the intro, and that would set the precedent for the next one to be shorter as well. Thanks for the input!Johnny

[johnnyguest]

It was suggested by a friend to change the tag line of this song a little bit.I realized I just needed to lose a syllable!He came up withI just wana dance with you'neath the Savannah Moon...Seems to work!A sincerely appreciate all the comments on this song. I'll have a look at which others are in need of keen objectivity, and post 'em up!Thanks a ton,Johnny