Country Song?

[kepa]

Kia ora everyone, thought of pitching this song as a country song. The vox are okay and there are some phrasing issues as she doesn't know the song very well, recorded it in her closet on a dictaphone. Anyway all feed back would be great but I'm really focusing on the song side of things.The song is "How Can I Stay?" atwww.myspace.com/kepsmorhttp://soundclick.com/share?songid=7617558LyricsV1There is something that I wanna sayBut I can’t find the words cause my mind goes astrayIt’s the thought of hurting you that makes me feel this wayI don’t wanna lose you but I cannot stayCHORUSWhere did we go wrong to cause each other so much painWe would’ve seen the sunshine if we could've only stood the rainAnd things could’ve changed but they stayed the same So how can I stayTell me how please won't you tell me howPlease tell me how can I stayV2This has got to be the hardest thing to doTo say goodbye after everything we’ve been throughThese tears will be the last to fallDon’t wanna cry no moreTime to carry on, time to be strong and pick my heart up off the floorCHORUSWhere did we go wrong to cause each other so much painWe would’ve seen the sunshine if we could've only stood the rainAnd things could’ve changed but they stayed the same So how can I stayTell me how please won't you tell me howPlease tell me how....................... BRIDGE...........can you expect when there’s no love or respectTo carry on like nothings wrong, love don’t work that wayCHORUSWhere did we go wrong to cause each other so much painWe would’ve seen the sunshine if we could've only stood the rainAnd things could’ve changed but they stayed the same So how can I stayTell me how please won't you tell me howPlease tell me how can I stayThanks againKepa

[cameron]

Kia ora, Kepa! I was born up the road from you in Warkworth, so I knew we had another Kiwi here as soon as I saw your greeting. I have to run out the door to work right now but I'll comment on your song when I get home tonight. It's a nice song... will have to think a bit about whether it's better for country or adult contemporary.Cam

[cameron]

Kepa, this is a nice song but it's more adult-contemporary or even pop. I guess when you say "country" you mean the American country market, but the melody just doesn't lend itself to that. Furthermore, American country lyrics are full of imagery which is just not present here. Do a Google search on lyrics for "Smoke Rings in the Dark" to see what I mean. However, as a pop or a/c song, I think it's really strong. Musically, you sound like a pretty good writer to me. I especially like the chorus melody and progression.Lyrically, there are a few too many cliche's, rain/pain, for example... pick my heart up off the floor, etc. I think I would try to find a few clever ways to say the same things.For the second line of the chorus how about "It would have worked out better if you hadn't left a stain." Just kidding... there's that Kiwi dry humor (I mean humour) again.Seriously, I like the overall feel of the song. Go for a/c or pop and spend some time tweaking the lyrics.Cam

[heinsite]

2 KIWIS? now that is great!have to agree with the other "guy"--this isn't as country, and it's pretty rough, but it has potential musically and structure-wise. lyrically i have to agree with cam, a few too many cliche's here. nothing else to offer, like the music for maybe adult contemp or even for somebody like that Josh chick, some of the contemp young piano ladies--sorry, can't remember the names. as a matter of fact, a piano only with a solid female vocal and a lyric fix would put this in the running.thanks for the listen, all the best,warren

[kepa]

Thank you guys so much for the awesome advice and I will definitely be reworking the lyrics. This is helping me to fing the best genre for my songs. I totally agree with everything you guys have said. Cam, that was a good one alright you got me but I think I could something like you left my "heart stained"'. Thanks again guys. Hey Cam, where do you live now?Kepa

[cameron]

I live in Arizona. My family came to the States when I was six, so really I'm an American now (but don't let my older sister hear me say that). I'm a U.S. citizen and served in the U.S. Army. Lost the accent long ago and all my schooling except the first year was in the States. Of course, when George Bush was running the place I was embarrassed so I became a Kiwi again for awhile. I think they used to call that a "turncoat". Cam

[jwebbinspired]

Just now listening, your melody is really cool. I bet Jimi could turn this into a great sounding country song, but I definitely wouldn't pitch it as country as is. The lyrics definitely aren't country. I agree this is adult contemporary/pop. Andy