Lonesome Avenue

shawncullen · Post by **shawncullen** » Mon Apr 27, 2009 4:39 am

My second tune on here...http://www.taximusic.com/download/21127 ... venue.mp3I really think this one has legs. Any views much appreciated. Lyrics herewith...Made a wrong turn tonight but you were drivingThrough the windscreen I saw the signIt said "Lonesome Avenue", yeah I know it wellBecause I've been here beforeDon't want to be here anymoreI'll dig in as I lock the door...Streetlamps fizzle into life as darkness sets inTelephone rings, and the operator singsI'm on "Lonesome Avenue", I know it wellI've been here beforeDon't want to be here anymoreDig in as I lock the door...ChorusMidnight store is closingDash reads 11.45Old man he collects the trashThat's the only way he'll surviveOld girl she stands against the wallWill she be lucky tonight?There's a runaway kid in a cardboard boxAnd I've got it bad?Yeah right.Have submitted it but answer was no. But we live in hope!Shawn

ciskokidd · Post by **ciskokidd** » Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:41 am

Hi Shawn,Melodically, this is a pretty good song, but I really have no clue what the song is about. I get the feeling there is some sort of social message, but I'm no quite certain of that.Anyway, this may be something that holds you back. I'm not sure if you are shopping this as an artist or as a songwriter, but if it is as a songwriter you will need to rework the lyrics.Best,Cisko

lyricboy · Post by **lyricboy** » Mon Apr 27, 2009 2:50 pm

I'm having trouble NOT thinking of Hearbreak Hotel, down at the end of Lonely St.Sorry. Just had to mention it.

gburgess · Post by **gburgess** » Mon Apr 27, 2009 4:30 pm

Shawn,Pretty tune.GB

shawncullen · Post by **shawncullen** » Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:15 pm

Thanks Cisko - my lyrics can be a bit like that!! In essence it is a love song. "Made a wrong turn tonight, but you were driving" - it's a metophorical journey through love and the end of a relationship, the wrong turn being the wrong turn in the relationship. The parts about the old man, the old girl and the runaway kid is literally saying, okay, we've fallen out of love, but am I in a position to complain when I see all this other, really serious stuff around me? Thanks Lyricboy - I certainly see where you're coming from but at least you got the idea behind the tune.Back to the drawing board me thinks!Thanks for all the comments, they really are appreciated.Shawn

feaker · Post by **feaker** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 12:25 am

ShawnNice sound.Just a couple comments.- intro too long-vox nice, needs space to shine through (EQ) maybe a little verb-chorus should come in before one minute, yours is a 2:13-piano very nice-don't do lyrics Could be a great tune, keep at it.sincerelyPaul

381 · Post by **381** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 1:43 am

Shawn, here is my "IMO" I would get rid of the guitar in the intro , I don't feel it brings anything to the song (that is soooo... painful for me to suggest). I do agree that the song could be shortened a bit, it has a long intro. Also, I would bring the vocals down a bit, not in the mix, the range. The range is limited as you have it now, almost every line is in the same octave, try to start lower.. Lyrically it is a very sort of ethereal , fizzle maybe sizzle instead, lyrics are fairly personal so i don't want to get to deep here. Nice melody.. keep on writin'Craig

shawncullen · Post by **shawncullen** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 1:56 am

All these great comments and suggestions are very helpful. I would hope to produce another version of this tune shortly, taking on board some of the suggestions.ThanksShawn

Lonesome Avenue

Lonesome Avenue

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