"The Stalker"....opinions and advice needed.......

[mcanty]

Ok.............I wrote the lyrics to this song intending for them to be somewhat humorous............however, I don't think that is the mood conveyed...........turned out to be a very dark / wicked song. I think it sounds like The Offspring on steroids. I just hope it doesn't cross the line into the realm of taboo so much that it prevents forwards............basically the song is about a stalker and the twisted thoughts in his mind........and no it's not about me, lol. I'm not sure why I'm so worried about it when the content of popular rap songs is far worse, just curious what others think.Do you think the subject / lyrics will prevent forwards?Any comments about performance / mix?http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplaye ... 2937&q=hiI know secrets thatWill destroy youFunny thing you don't know meI've been watching andI've been waitingTaking notes so carefullyI know what you do when he walks out the doorI know who you're with and I know so much moreI've seen you beforeI'll see you againYou're living a lieYou're living in sinI'm calling you outI'm taking you downYou won't feel a thingUntil you hit the ground soLove me, Love me, Love me, Love me please!One house down across the streetI'll tie your hands and bind your feet soYou can love me please!I've got time for thisI'm so lonelyYou've become my only friendYou're my fantasyYou're my onlyYou'll be with me in the end

[feaker]

MI am twice your age and really like this sound. Weird aaayyy?The vox is a perfect match. The production is excellent and the guitar excellent.Really like the licks behind the prechorus.With that chord structure this has to be dark.Just a little bit too long:)Paul

[mcanty]

Thanks Paul!

[mcanty]

This song is so wicked and scary that Paul is the only one brave enough to comment. Just kidding, although I am curious what others think. Good or bad, let me have it. My co-writers and I need the feedback.

[toddt]

Hi Mark,Refreshing piece of music.Productionally, you've got a good sound going on, though I think it needs more of a lift into the chorus. I also think you need to add slightly more effects to the Love Me bit because although you're trying to create separation it's a little too sticky-outy and in-your-face. I think a quiet section would work well too (i.e. filter most of it out for a subdued chorus). Finally, maybe a bit more treble growl on the rhythm guitars could help, but I'll leave that definite suggestion to a better engineer than I.Lyrically, it would have a specific market, but maybe (and I don't want to offend here at pain of being followed ) while it tells a definite thematic story, another dimension would be worthwhile (i.e. get that humour back perhaps)? For example, where the object of your stalking is actually stalking you too?Anyways, good stuff.tt

[mcanty]

Good suggestions tt!!

[djb]

Mark, A little out of my league but I can tell you this: My two sons who are currently big Ozzy fans love this song of yours. "Crank it up!" You guys sound tight and current to me. Dave

[bigbluebarry]

hey Mark,I think you need to spend some more time on the drums, they sound too mechanical to me, especially the hi-hats. I agree with Paul, the song is probably a bit too long. If it were me, I'd cut the intro and start the song right around the 0:16 when the vocals come in. I'd also consider taking the 3 lines that start with "One house down..." and make that be more of a bridge and let the chorus end on the "Love me, love me, love me, love me please" line. I actually think there could be a market for this song, if you find the right project. There are plenty of movies that deal with stalking so I think this could get placed one day. But I would consider shortening the song and re-doing the drums (if possible).Just my $0.02.- Big Blue

[ideascapes]

Mark,Well done. Agree with tt that the "love me"s could use some processing. And I'm with BBB on the drums. If you can't/don't want to redo, I'd work on the snare sound at least--not powerful enough.At 2:12 (over vocal, "door"), there a little beating--maybe the guitar and bass are playing different notes momentarily?Vince

[mcanty]

Thanks Vince. I agree with you and BBB about the love me's.