lover's game

[feaker]

Hi.I don't know what I have created here. Was hoping someone would say "it sounds like"....Or"you need to take a little break from your music" Lover’s GameIn the middle of a frozen moment Barely within a dreamI heard you calling my name Keeps circling in my mind Some reason why you left meOr could I be to blameTime weighs on this tattered heart Why are we apart Broken promises still warm in my earI still see your face so clear The sun will rise, how will I begin I miss your touch The warmth of your skin There’s no one at fault There’s no one to blame I simply have lost At this lovers gameDesperation has filled my sensesIt took me prisonerI’m locked up and feel I could dieI’m so tired of this helpless feelingIt’s slowly killing meAll I do now is cryThanks for the listenPaulhttp://www.taxi.com/feaker

[billg]

Paul, this song crys out for some tremelo guitar and reverby "whammy" textures in the verses! Also, there is such a contrast in moods between the verses and the choruses it might be cool if you changed up the beat a bit more in the choruses.This is pretty different, but cool. The feel of the chorus was totally unexpected for me.

[feaker]

BillGreat idea. Fun tools to try.Don't know where the chorus came from.That is what happens when you create as you go.Thought it might work for elevator music, but folks might doze off in transport:)ThanksPaul

[djb]

Paul, Nicely crafted song. Smooth listen with good ideas in the vocal arrangement.

[k o star]

Paul... this is an awesome song!I have a very strong urge to suggest this: I think it's nice the way it is... but if U wanna, U can add an edge to this track... By doing a Chris Isaac approach to the voice...Try singing this song sexy... think very sexy...When listening I can really picture it being that way...I hope that helps cos I'm really trying hard to explain what I mean but I don't know if I can get the message correctly across by just typing... hmmm, anyways, Awesome composition!oh yes, "Wicked Game" reference track to what I'm saying ^_^ HTH-Kel

[k o star]

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fusea ... 1779007610

[feaker]

djbThanks for the kind wordsKELGreat wake up stimulator at five in the morning.After watching the video, I completely forgot about my own song:) Wow!What do you think Kel, can a 60 year old bald man sing sexy? I think my 16 year old niece can, but how to ask?This is not my best atttempt at a song, but I did receive some very nice positive feedback.Thanks for all of your extra help.SincerelyPaul

[k o star]

heheh...I don't know Paul.. I thought abt it hard & I realized I can't really answer that...cos I'm 35... however, I do hope that the answer is yes cos I plan to be 60 someday =)I must say Lovely song... and it reminded me of one of my favorite Chris Isaac songs..Kel

[ideascapes]

Very interesting tune, Paul. I wouldn't worry too much about the "create as you go" approach as it will yield some great ideas. If you consider what you've recorded to be a work tape and improve from there, its a great way to go about it. And this is a good start.The first thing my ear noticed while listening is that you sometimes sang un-important/un-accented words in prominent positions in the melody (e.g., "or" in 6th line of song). If you review your song again, pick out those instances, re-write and re-sing, you'll have an immediate improvement. That's where I'd start.Vince

[heinsite]

hey Paul,i dig this, the entre musical vibe and your productions are getting so much better!i generally like the lyric ALLOT....just a few places where the lyric is a bit too cliche, and a few lines that a bit crowded in meter...but not many for the style you have going here. very nice work. the tremelo idea is a good one...i LOVE the "call back" 2nd voice of this "said you'd never hear me," etc.--VERY nice effect and form. i love it. and your harmony is very nice.man, a very nice piece of work paul! i personally think the way you phrased the verses are just fine BTW.all the best,warren:--