A New Song About Little Red Riding Hood

[annathomas]

Here is a rough cut of a new song idea I thought I would share. Plan to finish it in the next week but wondered if there was any feedback or production ideas...Thanks!http://www.broadjam.com/artists/songs.ph....sion INDEX=2979

[ciskokidd]

Hi Anna,I haven't heard the melody so I can't comment yet on that but I'll point out a few things if you will humor me.First of all, I totally think this is a very creative thing to do - taking a different angle on a tried and true fable - so kudos for that right off the bat.My comments are firstly on point of view. While I didn't find the change in POV too cumbersome, I think you may be better suited picking one or the other. You start out from the POV of a passive observer/storyteller - I personally think this is the better way to go. Then you change in the chorus to an active POV for the rest of the song.Generally you should try to maintain the POV for the betterment of the song. This is easily accomplished with changing a few pronouns and won't affect the crux of your lyric.Here is an example on how easy it is to keep the POV straight by rewriting the pronouns (lower case):LITTLE REDshe's SO JUDGMENTALWHAT has she DONEHE HAD POTENTIALHE NEEDED her AND she CLOSED THE DOORLITTLE REDshe's NOT WELCOME HERE ANYMOREMy other comment is that I don't understand the following lines and they sort of took me out of the story for a bit:BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONE TO SET THINGS STRAIGHTBECAUSE I HAVE A HEARTUNLIKE SOMEONE I KNOW WHO GAVE UP ON HIMFROM THE VERY STARTActually, aren't you as the narrator trying to set things straight? I think you are and that's what is cool about this take on the fable!!I would rework these lines and it probably won't take you too much effort to pull it off.This is a wonderful idea and I'll be anxious to hear the music when I get the chance.Best,Cisko

[billg]

Cisko has a great point on about the lyrics.You said you liked The Beatles . . . how about production that's along these lineshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RL4RFBsfjTkThis is The Fray doing a great live Beatles cover. I think a sound and feel something like this would be great for this song.

[k o star]

I love the tempo change at "he need you..."I'm not much into lyrics but I love the melody, harmony and structure of the track...ok... the bridge could use some work... doesn't quite gel with the rest of the song...Apart from that... Gr8 song with lots of potential yea!-Kel

[ciskokidd]

Okay, listened to the music and I LOVE it!!It does indeed have shades of Fiona Apple, but even cooler is that it has a very Stevie Wonder 70's feel to it as well.Give the POV change in the lyrics a try and see how it feels to you.I know it's a rough cut, but I wanted to make a suggestion to you production wise.See if you can dig into the performance a little more on the lead vocal. It's almost there! Imagine you are consoling your friend the wolf and give the vocal some sass. If you can really convince us with the performance that Little Red is a little heart breaker then you will have something extremely cool on your hands.Best of luck with it!!!I so dig this tune - my favorite so far... Cisko