She's Doing Me (With Her Clothes On) R&B

[Mark Kaufman]

Hey Suprafly, Mark Here. Yeah, production and musical concept needs more work, and it needs to be targeted closer to a style that's happening right now. Keep working it, you'll find it. I read your lyrics about a half an hour before I listened to the music (I'm at work, a pizza place). When I read the lyrics, I liked the idea. The hook in the title is killer. It's hot as hell...and when I read the lyric, I see you worked that angle pretty good throughout the song. But now I want to hear it a little smarter, a little deeper. I want to know a little more about what she's doing...I want to see more pictures of her. You make us see a lot with the description of the sexy clothes, and the chorus is great, because whatever she's doing there we can leave to happy imaginations. But in the verses, I think there's a little room to put across something memorable about who she is...something about her personality that's hotter than hell, other than just the clothes...one line could do it...and something about her face. Really. We see a body, but if you bring in something about the face...a smile, eyes, raised eyebrow, anything...then we'll have her in our minds...male and female listeners will see someone, and like her too. But when it's all body, it's a little more common and harder to remember, lots of songs like that. This one is a real cool idea and I'd look at it like it's still getting worked up to something great.And IG88, no one ever gets great through getting put down. Yeah, we need to be honest with a critique. We can do it without kicking each other in the pants. Sorry to get all blunt...I know that straight talk is necessary and even rare, that in the long run it's like doing a favor to lay it all out as we see it, unfiltered. A lot of people agree. It's just that I think when we make a critique harsh enough to make the writer feel the work is ridiculous, then it really IS filtered...with contempt. Lots of that available in the real world, but most of us come here to get better. It's good to have a place where you can get the same straight talk, but from good companions.Whoa, who put this soapbox here? Time for a beer.Work it, Suprafly! I wanna SEE her.-Mark

[hummingbird]

Mar 17, 2009, 6:58pm, ciskokidd wrote:Mar 17, 2009, 5:30pm, hummingbird wrote:Opera is Italian Yes, I know - I know.And my favorite composer all time is Austrian so I'm aware it's not just about America.I just don't like people who are seeking a little help and may not have their skills up to par being torn apart the way IG did in his post - and then he takes his little swipe at Americans as if we are the only ones who consume our popular music.Warmest,CiskoI know and I agree.

[suprafly]

Hello everyone,Woke up this mourning and saw all the comments .Didn't know this would generate such a controversy !!! I'd much rather hear what people consider wrong with the song, than people telling you "it's good"! I think a lot of people don't want to hurt an individual's feeling by negative comments. I'm from Chicago's south-side (Homicide central ). There's very little that one can say that will effect me .Cisko's comments were right on the ball as far I'm concerned and that's is exactly what I'm looking for. This isn't a completed record, but a concept. I'm hoping to flesh it out here and take it to that level.IG88,you do have valid point's and I still would not disregard your comments. I do like the bluntness of the comments. It make me reassess the work more and work harder on it.Mark, thanks for comments. Generally, my thoughts for songs are a little more adult contemporary, but this idea came up from a phrase someone stated while we were conversing. I'm much more of a lyricist, than a producer.This is first song that I have set to music, so I've got a huge learning curve. If anyone would like to collaborate on this, I'm in .To all the individuals who are a part of Taxi and who may feel that there music is not good enough to be heard on a public forum, this is for you. Follow my lead and put it out there!!! Take the comments and grow.Again, love it hate or hate it. I'm so glad I put it here and got all the feedback (positive and negative).Guess I've got some work to do and I'm ready !!!

[ig88]

Mar 17, 2009, 6:58pm, ciskokidd wrote:Mar 17, 2009, 5:30pm, hummingbird wrote:Opera is Italian Yes, I know - I know.And my favorite composer all time is Austrian so I'm aware it's not just about America.I just don't like people who are seeking a little help and may not have their skills up to par being torn apart the way IG did in his post - and then he takes his little swipe at Americans as if we are the only ones who consume our popular music.Warmest,CiskoQuote from Immortal Technique"If you go platinum its got nothing to do with luck, It just means that a million people are stupid as F***"

[suprafly]

Thanks Geo and Casey,Already in the process of re-write. Sorry to all, was just looking for some feedback. Didn't mean to start an international war with a song post . Maybe next time I'll post a country tune .

[Casey H]

And peace will guide the planet... At least I hope...

[sgs4u]

Mar 18, 2009, 8:21am, ig88 wrote:Also WTF is 4 on the floor disco? Please explain. Your lack of knowledge and people skills are showing. And you could get hurt here. Do not underestimate your opponent. Never bring a knife to a gunfight.

[ig88]

Mar 18, 2009, 10:00am, sgs4u wrote:Mar 18, 2009, 8:21am, ig88 wrote:Also WTF is 4 on the floor disco? Please explain. Your lack of knowledge and people skills are showing. And you could get hurt here. Do not underestimate your opponent. Never bring a knife to a gunfight. I have amazing people skills, watch me give you this cyber massage via internet.... feels good right? Now because i didnt know a term of cliche dance music that i do not create i decided to ask seeking knowledge from such elders, is that so wrong? Besides that what lack of knowledge would you be referencing? I really dont see myself getting hurt here because I can take constructive feedback, blunt or not. Hmmm hence my bad people skills? Maybe thats why I have no friends.

[ciskokidd]

Mar 18, 2009, 12:22pm, ig88 wrote:Sorry about the thread Hijack SupraflyMe too! Sometimes this happens on this forum. I hope don't think this is a daily occurrence. You've already said you are cool with the blunt hard and cold facts, so thank you for indulging our little battle here.Best,Cisko

[suprafly]

Man, for a first post, that was crazy . I'd like to end this thread here. Anyone who comes through Chicago is welcome to stop by and hang out. I'm not all about rap and hip-hop . I listen to everything from Tool - Cesaria Evora - Kate Bush- Pepe Auguilar... and enjoy them immensely. Have friends in Chicago who started the house music stuff (JM Silk) back in late 70's. All music is to enjoy. Let's not fight about it. Peace.