Farewell Tour--I Still Miss Her Kiss

[heinsite]

and here's my other fav country tune of mine...here's my next failure...LOL...a country try that WILL get picked up someday (he said, never giving up hope...) don't know if anybody gives a damn to listen to my fav tunes, but hell, i'll have a NEW one tomorrow.... http://www.taximusic.com/download/25310 ... 0Kiss.mp3I Still Miss Her Kiss (demo produced by Beaird/NashvilleVerse 1In this bar called WhiskeylandIt's my same old worn out storyCuz my ring's gone from her handIt's cocktail napkin purgatoryMaybe I wasn't good enoughMaybe not bad enoughMaybe I wasn't "cowboy up"Like that sticker on my pickup truckChorusOh lord her smile's now just a dreamAnd this cheap bar's jukebox has no songs for meThe girl that I live for is lost in this smoky mistI now know it's hopelessBut God I miss her kissI now know I'm hopelessBut I still miss her kiss, her kiss...Verse 2If that's the way it has to beTo live without her loving meI guess I have to face the factShe is never comin' backI'm still clueless who's to blameWhy she didn't want my nameEverlasting love is goneI must be stupidBut I still don't know what went wrong

[bigbluebarry]

hey Warren... I'm definitely no expert in this genre, so I don't know how helpful I can be, but I do like the song. It actually reminds me of Toby Keith a little bit. I do have a couple of thoughts for you though.One thing that I personally would do, would be to wrap up the chorus after "But God I miss her kiss" and not do the tag there. Then I would bring the tag in at the very end of the song. The last line of the 2nd verse felt a bit awkward for me from a musical/arrangement standpoint. I would cut that line in half so that you don't have to add the extra measure in between the verse and the chorus. Does that make sense?Like I said, like the song, and country is definitely not my genre, so do with those comments as you see fit.- Big Blue

[heinsite]

thanks Blue!!no screener has mentioned those ideas before, so shhhhhh! LOL..but i appreciate the ideas nontheless. THANK YOU!wh

[jwebbinspired]

I like this song Warren. Sounds like a Dwight Yokam tune. I'm a big fan of Dwight. I only see minor issues with the lyric. "Cuz my ring's gone from her hand" didn't seem to match "Why she didn't want my name" in the second verse.Probably the main reason you didn't get far was because it's a pretty somber song. And theses days they only want Disney, American Idol, Miley Cirus BS songs...Andy

[heinsite]

thanks andy!! yeah, if it aint one thing it's another....this tune's been up, down over and out so many times with the screeners here, well,,,,i'm just gunna leave it alone, all said...the best,wh

[heinsite]

since i mentioned my 2 best country tunes, i'm bringing this one back up in case there are any comments..the best,warren

[ddusty]

Hey Warren,Here is my .02 - these are mostly nit picking. I don't think any of my comments are big deals, just somethings i noticed.Lyrics in country music tend to be more conversational, these tend to feel a little too poetic."Cuz my ring's gone from her handIt's cocktail napkin purgatory"these do a good job to tell the story, but they are not things you would hear in a conversation.This one is REALLY nit picking... "Cowboy up" is something you do (like step up to the occasion), not something you are. that probably bothers only me, but it makes the last two lines of vs 1 sound like someone singing about a cliche' as apposed singing about themselves.The only other line that strikes me as too poetic is "lost in the smokey mist" . To me that feels a little forced to find a rhyme with kiss, and not a conversational line.I like Barry's ideas of tagging the second chorus as well. I think the extra measure at the end of the second vs may work better as a build to a bridge or solo section, then it may feel more natural. Which reminds me, i think this needs a bridge. Feels a little short with the Vs Ch Vs Ch arrangement.Damn, I hope it doesn't seem like i am dumping on your tune, i actually liked it These suggestions are only valid if you are in agreement that to get an artist cut in country music as an unknown, your song has to be BETTER then the hundreds of songs they are going to hear from everywhere else. So it needs to hit on every cylinder. Right now the song is good, but IMHO not great yet.Rob

[heinsite]

hello Rob!i think you have some valid points--hell, this has been turned down by so many, some have said a couple of yours!i don't do a good job of defending my tunes, and i hate it--sounds like whining, i just write 'em, maybe too "poetic"that cocktail napkin line has been described as genius and on the other hand JUST the way you've described it...just seemed natural to me...smokey mist was the best way i could describe that bar,...haze maybe? maybe. lots of stuff rhymes with haze......and that cowboy up thing, well, you hit the nail on the head, and that's exactly why i used it there, and them stickers on so many trucks i've seen (or used to...) well, it just seemed to fit. yeah i twisted it a bit...BUT thank you for the comments--i DO understand them. at some point the world will catch up to me, or i'm too damned behind. problem is, i think that country music too often aims straight at not only the heart and soul, but FORGETS the head--NOT a cut on it, but this idea that for country ever word is analized by the average listener under a microscope is IMHO absolutely absurb--but i'm getting that they are microscoped by the BUYER of the writer's tune, so i'm gunna have to get with the program, or not write to that genre (which is the case right nowthe best, warrenoh ps--my all caps is not yelling, it's how i highlight stuff...i'd never yell at a review by a peer here...THANK YOU AGAIN!