"Heartless" - Ready for production?

[partyofone]

OK this is a super rough recording of super pop-y tune. Vocals are pitchy and playing is sloppy. Barring that...How are lyrics, melody, and flow? Is it ready for production ?Heartlesschorus/It's so cruelHow you turn and look awayYou're the coldestOf the heartlessYou don't careThat I'd doAnything for youYou're the coldestOf the heartlessverse 1/I've tried all yearTo make you careI even changed who I wasit's like I'm not even thereBut now I know you'll never seeWon't ever seeWho I really amOr who I could beDon't you know what you do to me?verse 2/I used to careJust what you thoughtIf I you wanted meIf I was good enoughNow I can seeJust who you areAnd all the games you playWhen you're breaking hearts Bridge/You can tell me I'm wrongBut I know it's a lieThere's all proof that I needWhen I look in your eyesThanks as always!http://pleasurejunkie.net/heartless_rough.mp3

[rld]

I took a listen...Damn it!...your posted lyrics don't match the song! He he... I certainly don't hear anything that makes me think this wouldn't work.IMO, success in this genre depends a lot on the production.Lyrics seem fine...nothing groundbreaking but that's not necessary.Melody seems good and I can remember it after hearing...always a good sign.I guess you've got the green light from me! Now go make us proud.

[partyofone]

Ahh yeah... thanks for the listen RLD! Doh, yeah I posted not quite right lyrics but I fixed them up a bit. I agree production is king in most pop music so I'll have my work cut out for me.

[bigbluebarry]

I gave it a listen and I'm in agreement with RLD... now go get 'er done!- Big Blue

[mcanty]

I listened, and if you produce it right this could be great. Very catchy.

[mcanty]

the thing that sucks in my case is that my rough demos always have a better "feel" to them than the finished product............keep us updated. I like it.

[andreh]

Mar 6, 2009, 8:26pm, mcanty wrote:the thing that sucks in my case is that my rough demos always have a better "feel" to them than the finished product............keep us updated. I like it.I'd take this up with your demo producer; maintaining the life and feel of a song should be a top priority for them.André

[cameron]

Patrick,It's got legs man! Get 'er done!Cam

[southpaw]

Third, (or fourth) that.. Great commercial potential! Strong melody's Patrick. Very familiar and a unique sound to it. Sounds like a good one to put some heavy production work into!Jamie

[deantaylor]

Yeah, I think it is ready to produce. I like it a lot. Very poppy.