Ladybug

[kitz]

Just wondered what kind of feedback you guys and gals could provide on this old tune of mine. All aspects are fair game...http://www.taximusic.com/stream/158082/ ... itzLadybug I've known you Won't you come and share the joyOf days when we were both so young And I was just a boyLife was watchin butterfiles And searching for the wayTo Robinhood's green forest And castles made of clayWe used to love the breeze at nite And friendship wasn't hardChasin bees and climbin trees That grew in my backyardAnd oh we lived on fairy tales The three bears were good friendsStopped by once at suppertime Well they said oh please come inAnd I kept you in a matchbox On the table by my bedAnd everynite I said my prayers Slept next to old bear TedThe sandman came to close my eyes And I would dream of you The still old hoot owl's big brown eyes The honey bees and PoohAnd on that cool light summers day You said you'd show me howTo fly across the milky way Well I said oh show me nowI climbed up top the river rock Fell down to the groundCried myself to sleep that nite For the hard way I had foundThat flyin was for ladybugs And birds and buzzin beesAnd if I couldn't learn to fly I'd stick to climbin treesOh its ended early We've grown up way too fastLadybug my ladybug We should have made it last.

[billg]

Very nice song, good lyics, melody & production imo. You might hear the 'ol "where's the chorus" from someone who thinks all songs are supposed be be structured like "radio pop".

[heinsite]

WHERE'S THE CHORUS?--i'm joking kitz, screw the rules (most of the time)i find this a very light hearted vibe that gets seriouser and seriouser, lovely, nice (said in a positive way) , simple, half story, half philosophy--my kind of tune!only problem i had with the tune personally was just the very last line--"We should have made it last" implies you COULD have made it last...and that one line doesn't make sense to me--but i'm dense sometimes...don't know what would be better though..."How could we make it last?" dunno, i hate it when folks try to fix what may not be a problem...but that's all i got.i really like this tune kitz, great job. charming as hell!the best,warren

[matthoggard]

Friggin beautiful man.Captured the whole childhood vibe really well. Love the guitar work.M~

[feaker]

KitzLeave it alone if you like it as much as I did.Both the vox and guitar are very good indeed.Would be fun to mess with a chorus though.Paul

[kitz]

Thanks You Guys!!Bill, funny I've submitted this 2x and was rejected for not quite right but no one said a word about the missing chorus.Warren, I know what you mean about making it last but hey - we can't control everything even if we think we should be able to.Thanks Matt!!Paul, I have tried and tried to build a chorus but the song is long as it is and was not willing to sacrifice a verse in exchange so that's what I got.Wish I had TV so I could see you guys all get grammys! Oh well - maybe next year...Kitz

[jonathanm]

Hey, kitz. Great job on the guitar and the vox. The vox especially has a nice delivery. I like the wistful tone of the tune. I'll echo the call for a chorus.As is, the lyrics seem to ramble along. I liked the imagery, but it left me wondering where it was going. I didn't figure it out until the last four lines.If you create a chorus, maybe use the thought from those last four in the chorus. That'll give the listener an earlier peek at what you're getting at.

[billg]

Feb 8, 2009, 8:11pm, kitz wrote:Thanks You Guys!!Bill, funny I've submitted this 2x and was rejected for not quite right but no one said a word about the missing chorus.Warren, I know what you mean about making it last but hey - we can't control everything even if we think we should be able to.Thanks Matt!!Paul, I have tried and tried to build a chorus but the song is long as it is and was not willing to sacrifice a verse in exchange so that's what I got.Wish I had TV so I could see you guys all get grammys! Oh well - maybe next year...Kitz You don't need a tv (or a chorus!)-

[teleblaster]

Really nice guitar playing. I'm not a lyric guy so I'll stick to the mix, and instruments. I might bring the guitar up a bit in the mix. Might not be an amplitude thing, maybe bring it forward some. This could probably stand alone as short solo acoustic cut too.cheers

[kitz]

Thanks You All for your comments!!I will keep all your suggestions in the forefront when I reproduce this. Currently working on 4 new instrumentals and 1 vocal tune so I am just buried. My son Jesse is involved in an intense orchestra (violin age 10 but rivals much older players) he has basketball and he just won a trip to Villa Roma for an essay he wrote on the DARE program. Chris in jazz band and serious computer geek (age 13) and Jake (age 19) 2nd year in college living at home. Swamped and hard to maintain focus much of the time. Appreciate all your help --- it may help me cut through all that's going on.Best to you all,Larry Kitzmiller