Ice Cream and Arsenals

[wignelson]

Yeah, yeah yeah,Here's another one for Singer/Songwriter. http://www.songramp.com/mod/mps/viewtra ... ckid=70090

[digidog]

I'm not sure how you recorded the song. it sounds like it was live with a drum module and pads.If so, I might rethink those toms.You clearly have a decent voice and it seems everyone knows how to play.I don't really feel a hook.The swing feel of the music is fine, but the vocal melodies seem discombobulated and out of place, i.e. they are trying way to hard to feel relaxed and emotional but come off as stale and without direction, potentially lazy.And somewhat off time.I think it's the contrast between your vocal melody and the fairly consistent swing of the guitars. They create a dissonance between each other.Having said all of that, I think if you concentrate a bit harder on the vocal melodies, you have a good idea so long as it's channeled.

[matthoggard]

Hey Wig,I like the sentiment. For some reason Im hearing some Bowie in the delivery. I think the melody is right. Like one of the songramp comments ill say less annunciation on the lyric delivery. Guitar is cool. Let us hear it after youve tweaked it some.Matt

[wignelson]

Jan 31, 2009, 1:06am, digidog wrote:I'm not sure how you recorded the song. it sounds like it was live with a drum module and pads.If so, I might rethink those toms.You clearly have a decent voice and it seems everyone knows how to play.I don't really feel a hook.The swing feel of the music is fine, but the vocal melodies seem discombobulated and out of place, i.e. they are trying way to hard to feel relaxed and emotional but come off as stale and without direction, potentially lazy.And somewhat off time.I think it's the contrast between your vocal melody and the fairly consistent swing of the guitars. They create a dissonance between each other.Having said all of that, I think if you concentrate a bit harder on the vocal melodies, you have a good idea so long as it's channeled.Thanks for the input digidog. Yes, i did start with a live recording and then added some parts and tried to change the drum part.The mix is very rough and I'm not sure where it's going exactly.There might be some dreamy effects like "dreamvox" eventually. Plus I think an acoustic guitar might be added.The vocals are tough to harmonize with this melody. I might cut a bit of that also.Wig

[wignelson]

Jan 31, 2009, 5:43am, matthoggard wrote:Hey Wig,I like the sentiment. For some reason Im hearing some Bowie in the delivery. I think the melody is right. Like one of the songramp comments ill say less annunciation on the lyric delivery. Guitar is cool. Let us hear it after youve tweaked it some.MattThanks, Matt,Maybe this song needs a dirtier vocal. I'm going to look at some effects. I'll repost when I have anything worth while to offer.Wig

[carlosgomez]

I'm getting a Gordon Lightfoot vocal vibe. Perhaps you can post the lyrics here. Ice cream and arsenals american made? Nice live sound. A little garagish but perhaps that was your target.

[kitz]

I like the uniqueness of the tune Wig. It could use some fuller toms and maybe a little more work on the cymbals. I'm getting Cat Stevens vibe. Articulation on the vocals seems too pristine - dirty 'em up and see what you get.Kitz

[heinsite]

hey wigs--i like this tune, it really doesn't have a chorus to my ears, but so what? i'm with Matt and Kitz on the presentation of the annunciation/vocal--a bit too careful, but in recording, i understand why...think you might need to tweek some of the lyrics to either be more IN YOUR FACE--or oddly maybe, LESS so...difficult to explain, but all i'll try to say is, either make the point with "tough" love, or make the point with a bit more mystery--you're somewhere in between, but i only listened once...sorry..had to hit and run tonight...all the best,warren

[geo]

Hey Wig...Tough to really hear this one with the mix... ride/cymbals seem too hot... I like the hook line....Could you post lyrics? Your lyrics are always cool but I find it easier to read along while I listen/type...I would like to hear the next version of this....Peace, Geo

[wignelson]

Here is the next version.Sorry for not posting the lyrics.Here they are.The first version had floating lyrics around the beat.Hopefully this one is more centered.Piano was added as well as some acoustic guitar.http://www.songramp.com/mod/mps/viewtra ... d=70090Ice Cream and ArsenalsByWig Nelson c. 1,000,000 BCMaybe it's only a dreamWe are eternally American madeSifting together extremesIce cream and arsenals American made(Chorus)Now we can flyHigh in the skyWith ice cream and arsenalsAmerican madeMaybe I'll go back to schoolPapers and prophesy American madeNow I believe in the rulesOf deadly democracy American made(Chorus)I'll teach the world how to laughThey'll watch the comedy American madeSplit all our atoms in halfIs it unsettling American made(Chorus)Everyone's ticking awayAcres of attitude American madePower for pleasure in tradeIce cream for arsenals American made(Chorus)