The Break-ing Point

Casey H · Post by **Casey H** » Mon Jan 26, 2009 8:02 am

This is a rough-- not at all a broadcast quality performance or production...This is a roughThis is a rough(Did I mention that this is a rough?) How does it strike you? (I did post a version of this a long time back... Made some songwriting changes...) Hook? Lyrics? Does it work? Thanks Caseyhttp://www.broadjam.com/transmit/index.p....77 ... com/caseyh ... Last song.The Break-ing Point (c) 2008 Charles P. Hur*witz(Verse 1)Just as I thought / you want to do more than talkCos now you're inviting me inKeep your keys where they are / let me walk to my carMy defense is getting thinWhat was black and white / seems so grey tonightThere are lines that shouldn't be crossedBut the way that you look / is the bait and the hookThat I can't seem to shake off(Chorus)3 O'clock in the morning and I know I shouldn't be hereMy body's sending me warningsThat the break-ing point is nearIt's near(Verse 2)In our lives we both said / how the passion is deadAnd how long since we felt this wayWe just wanna be touched / like teenagers in lustBut to play you've got to payNow the price is so high / can I close my eyesAnd make her face just disappearThere's an angel on one side / a devil right behindWresting at the doorway here(Chorus)(Bridge)And I knowI'm one step awayFrom a lifetimeOf pain and regretAnd I knowShe doesn't suspectI should be homeOh no no noI should be going home(Instrumental)(Chorus)

geo · Post by **geo** » Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:16 pm

Casey, tried to play and download and got a page of written code both times.... will check back...Peace, Geo

Casey H · Post by **Casey H** » Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:20 pm

Jan 26, 2009, 2:16pm, geo wrote:Casey, tried to play and download and got a page of written code both times.... will check back...Peace, GeoThanks... Sometimes people have trouble with that company's player... I'll also upload it elsewhere and be back... Casey

Casey H · Post by **Casey H** » Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:35 pm

I added it to www.taxi.com/caseyh ... Last song...

geo · Post by **geo** » Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:21 pm

Hey Casey.... that works.... I like the verses, the melody is vaguely familar, emphasis on vaguely, no worries there... I like what's going on here though I might rework some lines....Just as I thought / you want to do more than talkBut I know that I shouldn't go inKeep your keys where they are / let me walk to my carBefore my defenses get too thinWhat was black and white / seems so grey tonightThere are lines that shouldn't be crossedBut the way that you look / is the bait and the hookThat I can't seem to shake offI think they work with the melody and might strengthen the general message you have going... I like the imagery of the last two lines...The 2nd verse is cool but I might change the ending rhyme (here) as that is used in the chorus....I don't think the hook works.... I get the double entendre(that's gotta be spelled wrong ) but I don't think it fits with the feel of the verses which feel more emotionally directed... I dunno if that makes sense.... the breaking point for me brings up images of snapping.... going nuts.... frustration..... I do like the melody/feel of the chorus so I think it's worth reworking....I like the bridge... although you may want to say the "should be home" line differently.... maybe...And I knowI'm one step awayFrom a lifetimeOf pain and regretAnd I knowShe doesn't suspectShe's really not the one for meOh no no noAnd this is not where I should beOK that's not great but the home limits it to a cheating husband but by using something along these lines it's just a cheater, boyfriend, husband doesn't matter it applies in both cases so the appeal might be broader....I like it Casey.... what production style do you envision?Peace, Geo

ideascapes · Post by **ideascapes** » Tue Jan 27, 2009 1:16 am

Casey, is this a rough? {;-)I'm with Geo on the hook--it just doesn't seem to get enough power and emphasis to qualify as a payoff to the verse. "Near" gets more stress than "breaking point." The beginning of the chorus sounds like a classic pre-chorus to me, with the build. Then, what qualifies as the chorus after that is pretty short.Otherwise, you have some good advice from Geo on other lyric items.HTH!Vince

Casey H · Post by **Casey H** » Tue Jan 27, 2009 2:15 am

Thanks Vince and Geo!Just what the doc ordered--- some objective, outside views... In the bridge, I created pronoun confusion when I used "she" in "she doesn't suspect"... "She" was referring to the woman back home but my lyric obviously needs a fix there. Question on the hook: I agree that " the breaking point is near" just isn't the right phrase and there is too much emphasis on "near"-- a less important word in the whole thing. How much of the issue do you think is musical vs lyrical? e.g. would it be effective enough with a better set of words?Thanks again! Casey

Casey H · Post by **Casey H** » Wed Jan 28, 2009 6:00 pm

I uploaded a slightly changed version-- very subtle update on how the word "near" is sung...

momof4 · Post by **momof4** » Thu Jan 29, 2009 4:31 pm

okay, so for what it's worth, i really like your lyrics. i just feel the emotion behind it, i think it's well-written, and i think it accomplishes what you intended it to. i didn't listen to it (crappy computer of mine), but based on lyrics alone, it seems like a great song! erin

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