"Dreams Are Made"

jwebbinspired · Post by **jwebbinspired** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 3:03 pm

Hello all. This is a song I wrote early last year. I feel it has a lot of promise, but I wanted some opinions. I sent it to a publisher last year. He said he liked it but didn't have a placement for it. yada yada I feel it might need a bridge in there to give it a lift of some kind. If you guys think it is good, I will probably have a professional demo made. Please give me any feedback. If there any places I should improve please, please let me know. I know my production is bad. As always.New version: http://www.taximusic.com/stream/199771/ ... p3Original http://www.taximusic.com/stream/199323/ ... mp3"Dreams Are Made"©2008 Andrew S. WillsShe always dreams of being a doctor,To help sick little kids,So she worked her way through college,Choosing books over her friends,And on her graduation day,Her Dad asked "How does it feel?"She said, "This life never felt better,""Since I took the wheel"And everytime, Someone says I'm lucky,I say, dreams don't come true,Dreams are made,He dreamed of writing songs,For singer from Tennesse,So he pulled out his old guitar,Started in the key of GHe searched down in his soul,Where the words run free,He said "I don't set goals""No, I write history"

ideascapes · Post by **ideascapes** » Sun Jan 11, 2009 2:53 am

Andrew,Nice message in the lyric. I wonder if there's a way to rewrite the title line so that it has more power. "Dreams are made" sounds OK, but I guess suffers a little because it's in passive voice.The most noticeable thing about this song for me is that the phrasing in the verse and the chorus is nearly identical, in terms of where you start to sing and the shape of the melody (start before the "1" beat; go up, then go down a little). Since you don't have a bridge, this similarity seems to bring the song down in interest.There were a few times when the phrasing of words sounded a little awkward, e.g., "hell-elp" in line 2.Hope you get some other helpful feedback.Vince

deantaylor · Post by **deantaylor** » Sun Jan 11, 2009 3:40 am

Andrew,I think this has excellent potential. Overall I like it. It has emotion and feeling. But I think it could use a little refining.I see what Vince is saying about the hook/title .. maybe he is right ... but for me, the title words seemed fine. What I think you need to do is rework the melody there and get more hook/emphasis on the title line.2 lyric things:1. the phrasing 'to help sick little kids' just doesn't work for me. maybe 'to help a child who gets sick' or .....2. this part of v2 doesn't really seem to fit with the chorus message that 'dreams are made'He searched down in his soul,Where the words run free,He said "I don't set goals""No, I write history"In fact, it is the opposite message of verse1, where the girl did set goals. I think you are mixing your message here or are trying to convey something that is to 'vague/subtle' for most songs. I try to do that too sometimes, but I've heard it said that a good song should be about one thing and only one thing.Dean

jwebbinspired · Post by **jwebbinspired** » Sun Jan 11, 2009 11:17 am

Thanks for the detailed feedback guys. This will be very helpful.I will definitely work on this. Let me try to redo the melody and fix that last verse and I'll see if it works. Hopefully the title lines works better with the melody repaired...

chrisbondy · Post by **chrisbondy** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 2:31 am

Great song!! I'm not just saying that because you complimented my song either, the lyric is clever. I do have a couple of suggestions for the lyric: first the line, "started in the key of G".....how about "strummed the key of G", "strummed in G" or "strummed the G"? Secondly, I think the Chorus would be enhanced if you could find a way to rhyme the second line with the last line.....How aboutI've been chasing my dreamfor a decadebut dreams don't come truedreams are madeI realize this totally would change what you are trying to say in the chorus so not sure how well it works for you......by the way, great line here: "I don't set goals, I write history"

jwebbinspired · Post by **jwebbinspired** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 3:49 am

Thank you Chris, I understand your point of rhyming the 2 and 4th lines of the chorus. That would definitely help solve the problem with the hook being hidden. Let me think about it, I'm really attached to my chorus...I need to get past the emotion here. This song is about my wife and I. I'm glad you are suggesting changing the line about the "key of G" because I addressed that in my current rewrite. I wrote "Strummed the key of G" but I don't know if that makes sense? AndyPS I intend to post a new version today. I will look at the chorus lyrically as well.

jwebbinspired · Post by **jwebbinspired** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 3:54 am

I like your chorus idea, by the way, Chris, but I'm torn because "lucky" is a key word of the song. I'm looking at my options.

jwebbinspired · Post by **jwebbinspired** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 7:39 am

Hello. Here is my new rendition. Things I changed: -melody during the hook -added a bridge -wrote a new second verse Please comment on those changes. I'm putting links to the original and the new version for comparison purposes. Thanks guys.New Version: http://www.taximusic.com/stream/199771/ ... p3Original: http://www.taximusic.com/stream/199323/ ... ade.mp3New Lyrics:"Dreams Are Made"©2008 Andrew S. WillsShe dreamed of being a doctor,Since she was a kid,So she worked her way through college,Choosing books over friends,And on her graduation day,Her Dad asked "How does it feel?"She said, "This life never felt better,""Since I took the wheel"”And every time, Someone says I'm lucky,I say, dreams don't come true,Dreams are made,”He dreamed of writing songs,For singer from Tennessee,So he pulled out his old guitar,And strummed a GSo many have the dream,But never take the chance,When his song went number one,He said “it’s not circumstance,”You can dream your life away,Or someday you can say,

deantaylor · Post by **deantaylor** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 11:40 am

Andrew,I like the new 'kid' line. Guess your wife is a doctor, huh? The 'strummed' line .. seems like it needs more syllables .. might be better that way.The last 4 lines of v2 are much better, imo ... if you are using 'circumstance' right .. grammatically .. it seemed fine, until I thought about it .. then I wasn't sure .. lol ... I even looked the word up in the dictionary ... confused me even more .. lol .. maybe I shouldn't think too much.I love the build of the first 3 lines of the chorus ... love that .. you really got me waiting and anticipating and wanting the hook .... and the new hook for line 4 .. yeah, I think that is better.Bridge .. I like the lyric.Dean

jwebbinspired · Post by **jwebbinspired** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 11:49 am

Dean, Yeah. She's a pediatrician. She just finished her residency last year and this song was kind of a tribute to her hard work. I am sure I can figure out more syllables for that line. Thanks for the feedback Dean. I will look at the line about "strumming" and see what I can do. I'm going to wait and see if anyone else has some input too.Andy

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