In Our Other Life - Enough of a chorus?

matthoggard · Post by **matthoggard** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 7:09 pm

MR. Cam,First of all, let me comment on your vocal work. You are really sounding great my friend. I remember the first work of yours I heard (7 months ago i guess) and you sounded unsure of yourself. Man now you have confident voice and your delivery is superb. I seriously got choked up here.I think what you need is a pre-chorus or lift going into each chorus. Dont cut a verse just turn it into a pre-chorus and walk up to the chorus musically. The verse lines should work. Try a walking music line to get to the chorus. Lyrically you may need just a tweak here and there but this is almost complete.Think of how Elton John would get to the chorus's. Almost always a big lift going in.Great work brother. Now its Cam Earnshaw "SINGER/SONGWRITER".M~

ideascapes · Post by **ideascapes** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:13 am

Cam,Not sure how I missed this earlier...now listening for the first time.Really powerful song here--very emotional and I connected right away. If I were producing, I'd probably stick with vocal and piano just as you have.Structurally, you got some great advice above. Most pros would say 1:39 'til the first title line is way too long. "In Another Life" flows well.On the line, "seeing you this chill came over me": I understood what you meant as I had the lyric in front of me, but it sounded more like the modern usage, "seeing you this chill," meaning "seeing you this relaxed..."One way to address the structural issue--if there is one--would be to rewrite this as a verse/refrain song, and use your existing chorus as a bridge. To do this, you'd just want to (by the "rules") use your title line, or some variation, at the end of each verse. I don't think it'd be hard and is probably worth a try. That way you could keep the emotional flow of the existing lyric and the bridge would still be a little lift/contrast.Vince

jwebbinspired · Post by **jwebbinspired** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 9:07 am

Wow Cam, What a song. I think all the big things have been addressed. If you're going country you'll defintiely have to clean up the rhymes. But I love this song a little off center. It fits well. It depends what you want to do with it. The feel of this song, if you wanted to go country, is totally George Strait. Andy

cameron · Post by **cameron** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 4:36 pm

Matt - Thanks for the kind words bro. Nothing like listening to your own singing through headphones for hours on end to hear what works and what doesn't. I guess that's helped my singing, but I still can barely tolerate it.Vince - Thanks for the comments. Yeah, it looks pretty clear from everyone's comments I need to get to the chorus sooner and maybe a lift on the way to it, like Matt says. I'm working on a re-write now.Andy - Glad you like the song. Also glad you hear George Strait potential in there as that's the direction I'd like to go with it if I do a studio demo.Thanks also to everyone else who responded to this thread. You've all given me some good direction.Cam

matthoggard · Post by **matthoggard** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 5:02 pm

That's what were her for.Just remember us when you are turning out hits with Jeff Steele and Craig Wiseman. Maybe I could vacuum your writing room or something! M~

cameron · Post by **cameron** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 7:39 pm

Well, I wish that were true, but the more I see of Nashville the more I realize there are thousands of us chasing after the bread truck for a few crumbs. Seems like the main industry in Nashville these days is selling books, classes, critiques, contests or whatever to the dreamers like us who want to be the next Jeff Steele and Craig Wiseman. That's not stopping me though. Just signed up for a "Play for Publisher's" workshop in Nashville at the Bluebird Cafe. Just bring your three best songs and $275.

matthoggard · Post by **matthoggard** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 4:56 am

When are you going?Ill probably be out there during the Tin Pan event. M~

cameron · Post by **cameron** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 5:38 am

Feb 26-28 are the dates of the workshop. I'll probably fly in on the 25th and leave on March 2nd. FYI you have to audition for the workshop. I won't know whether I've been accepted until Jan 23rd.What's the Tin Pan event you're talking about?Cam

jwebbinspired · Post by **jwebbinspired** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 4:08 am

I'm going to try and make Tin Pan too. I know I'm going to NSAI's Spring Training the few days before (I think it's considered part of Tin Pan South). Tin Pan is a huge songwriting event. Writers like Jimmy Webb and Rivers Rutherford, etc. speak on songwriting and you have time to co-write with people. I haven't been, but I'm looking forward to it. Good luck on the Blue Bird Audition. Let us know! I'm in Nashville about once a month and I'd like to come by in Feb to hear you.Andy

cameron · Post by **cameron** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 5:40 am

Thanks Andy. Yeah, not sure if I'll be performing anything personally or just playing CDs for pitch/critique sessions, but I'm practicing a couple of my tunes to play live just in case. I don't know about you, but I tend to learn my own songs just long enough to record them and then forget 'em and move on to writing another. It's pretty embarrassing when you can't remember how to play your own song. Anyway, it would be cool to see you there if you're able to make it.Cam

In Our Other Life - Enough of a chorus?

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