new Country song

[adrienne]

Well here goes nothing This is my first time posting in the section. I'd appreciate your feedback on this song. It's a country song, probably in the style of Sara Evans or Sugarland. It's written in an AABABA format which is common in country but a format I don't traditionally write in. So I want to make sure I've pulled it off.Please note, THIS IS A ROUGH DEMO. I can't emphasize that enough. I can't play guitar very well, and my recordings skills should barely be called skills. So please don't hold the quality of this demo against me If the song is good enough, I will get it professionally demoed.Thanks for your help!Never A Bridehttp://www.adrienneleopold.com/NeverABride_Leopold.mp3(c) 2008 Adrienne LeopoldMy baby sister she just tied the knot With her high school sweetheart on granddaddy’s farm The whole town attended to share in their joy Everyone asked me where was my special boy I heard them whisper that I’m past my prime Always a bridesmaid never a bride Mama’s ashamed cause this ain’t supposed to be She wanted grandbabies, I got a degree When it comes to family, I don’t fit the moldI did what I wanted and not what I was told Some say love at my age is harder to find Always a bridesmaid never a bride BridgeCause I don’t need to marry I’m single and happy I’m chasing my dreams and living my life And when I’m ready I’ll become a wife I left for the city which broke mama’s heart Got an apartment close to Central Park After some time mama said she was proudI followed my dreams instead of the crowd Happiness comes in all different kinds Always a bridesmaid never a bride Repeat BridgeI came home to visit at Easter in spring To tell the family and show off my ring It’s true love will happen if you give it time Always a bridesmaid, now I’m a bride.

[matthoggard]

Adrienne,Good job with the lyrics. Everything flows well and the phrasing is definately consistent.Melody is pretty and you do a good job of raising the pitch in the bridge.Now......Why not write a chorus into this? Sure the story is easy to follow and you do have a great twist at the end BUT Just giving your Hook half a line at the end of the verses isnt going to do this justice im afraid.I think you could use the good key change in the current "bridge" and make it a big ol sing along chorus. Or save that for a more traditional bridge before the "twist" comes along.Thats the only thing that caught my attention is the lack of a real Hook and big beautiful chorus. WIth your voice you could be belting out a killer melody and harmony that people will sing in the shower or in the car etc.Before I got married, the bridesmaids were always considered "fair game"! M~

[adrienne]

Thanks for your feedback Matt. That was my concern. I really love this format for a song but have yet to pull it off! I thought this idea might have been the one, but perhaps not. I have tried to write a chorus for this tune and couldn't make it work, but you have some interesting points here that I will think about and see if it triggers anything. Thanks for taking the time to listen and for forgiving my horrible demo Now about your bridesmaid comment... Hmm...maybe I should consider attending more weddings - lol!

[deantaylor]

Hey Adrienne,It's a very good song. It all works for me. I guess the only thing 'negative' that I can say about it is ... I think it is very good .. BUT not great. Yes, a chorus might help, but mainly for me the title/hook and the lyric and the story are all good, but a little too 'standard' and too 'predictable' ..... there are not any real fresh lines or ideas ... the story is good, but told before ... no great wordplay.So it is JUST 'very good' not 'great'. lol Of course, I think many contemp country songs are like this, too .. so maybe it is a hit!!!!Dean

[ontariolightning]

In my opinion, it doesn't need a chorus, the two bridges are fine that don't mention the hook and there are plenty of number one songs like this, it is a good good refrain you have!I kind of wanted her not to be married at the end but I hate happy endings so, this song probably would work better with a happy ending so it was probably the right moveI liked it a lot thoughShould get it demoed

[jwebbinspired]

Adrienne, Great great topic!! Great topic. You've got a really great idea here. Lyrically I think you are almost there. One little thing I would like suggest on your line "I left for the city which broke mama’s heart, Got an apartment close to Central Park" I would state something about you leaving "the farm" or something to show the contrast country/city and the similarites farm/Central Park. And stating your apartment is next to Central Park already says you went to the city.Finally, lyrically speaking, there is something about the bridge that I'm just not buying. I'm not sure why. I do think that she should get married at the end, but I think you should take a different approach, I think the chorus should be about when you stop looking is when you meet him. My sister is going through this very song right now and the best advice I can give her is that if she starts living her life and stops worrying about Mr. Right, then he'll come along when she doesn't expect it. I really think you should change the message slightly, I think it needs to be hopefully as well as content. Not just content.Line I loved: "I followed my dreams instead of the crowd"AndyPS I could go on and on explaining what what I'm visualizing and still not make any sense. Feel free to PM me if you want me to clarify.

[Casey H]

Hey AdrienneAlways love your work & this is no different... One thing that hit me on the lyric is the change at the end where you come home with a ring is a little abrupt-- you go from not needing to marry to coming home with a ring very quickly. Maybe you don't need that type of ending at all? Could you just leave it that you don't need to marry until someday when you are ready?Great stuff! CaseyPS I think it's great to see you post a rough demo! It's better to get some thoughts on a song as a 'song' before investing in a studio version and this is a good place to do it! And your 'rough" is fine as "roughs" go!

[devin]

Hey Adrienne!Your song quality is perfect for what you're trying to do...and as Casey said, putting something up so early in it's raw form is great for getting feedback before committing to a demo. Great job on putting it out there!The following points are just my $0.02, as always!- A very good concept for your song, the situation is completely believeable.- I'm OK with your song structure, especially if you can punch up the impact of your hook during the demosomehow. I'm not as experienced as either Matt or Ontario for current country though...and I think I'm leaning towards Matt's view that you'll need the sharpest/catchiest hook possible to get the right attention for your song. You can probably do that in production, but I see alot of folks (me included) struggle with making it "pop" enough.- I have just a minor lyric suggestions for you to take (or leave):.."She wanted grandbabies, I got a degree " <-- this is a great concept, and so true! ..I think modifying it to say "She wanted grandchildren..." sings just a bit better (as long as ..the word "children" works well enough for the genre?).

[adrienne]

Thanks to everyone for their feedback. You've given me a lot to think about and I'm working on a rewrite as we speak. I'll post it up once complete. And thanks for being so kind about my rough demo...I was really scared to do it. But I really appreciate you looking past the demo and just at the song in general. I'm even considering posting another rough demo now

[deantaylor]

Adrienne,I agree with Casey. Better to get comments before doing the real demo. I updated my comment above to give you a bit more detail on what I think. Real good song.Dean