Mr. Giraffe, now with MP3

[twilsbach]

Just finished this song for Modern Pop/Hot AC-type listings. (well, I still need to sing the bridge)Thoughts on lyrics, melody structure and any mixing/production tips on this master would be appreciated.Mr. GiraffeMR GIRAFFEHello Mr. Giraffe,I see you hold your head so highProud as a colorful birdI bet you think you can even flyThe view up there is thinYou need direction from your friends But you don't ever lean downSo we never see eye to eyeAnd the rest of us, want to talk to youWhat we see from the groundMight help you make it throughMr. GiraffeHead in the cloudsWon't you let us knowwhen you're coming downthere's blue sky all aroundblue sky all aroundJust like Pinocchio,Mister, you’ve got such a tale to tellYou think your make-believe is realWell we’ve got some news for you cause the rest of us, would never lie to youwhat we speak is the truthIt might help you make it throughCHORUSWe won’t wait for you foreverWon’t send good vibes after badSun or rain we stick together‘Cause the blue sky doesn’t always lastThanks!

[sgs4u]

Dec 23, 2008, 11:07pm, twilsbach wrote:Just finished this song for Modern Pop/Hot AC-type listings. http://www.taximusic.com/stream/195534/Mr.Giraffe.mp3MR GIRAFFEI dug the singing, the style, phrasing, was a convincing performance. out of tune a bit, (you might want to fix that). The quick phaser on the guitar in the solo, didn't enhance my mood dude. But I dug the song overall, it's cool. I didn't read the lyric at all, I just listened and enjoyed.

[ideascapes]

Tim,Super production--drum sound especially stands out. I'm with Steve on the guitar in the solo. And the instrumental break that followed didn't seem to serve a purpose--maybe drop out some of the drums during that or eliminate/enhance that section?Lyrically--don't laugh--my first impression (cuz I'm literal) was, "Modern Pop/Hot AC?" A song about a giraffe? Then I figured out what you were getting out. I think there are 3 ways to take my first impression: - Submit this for Childrens Songs listings - Rewrite to emphasize the metaphor (more biting tone in vocal? specific examples of bad behavior?) - Forget about it (spoken like the Sopranos)Vince

[twilsbach]

Thanks for listening guys, great feedback.Wish I could claim the drum sound as my own. Those are Beta Monkey Music loops. I just combined, compressed & EQ'dI hear the out of tune vocals. Must address by re-performing, don't have autotune or Melodyne There are supposed to be vocals in the 'empty' section, but what I have so far....how do I put this....really sucks. Haven't quite found it yet, and the forward momentum on the song kinda took hold. I plan on adding that, just don't have the right idea yet.I thought the guitar sound was hip and cool, but as I mentioned to someone else re: this song--My objectivity is gone.Vince, I've been living with this song for a couple weeks, and just now started thinking that maybe this was more of a Tween/Children's song in its current form. Glad you pointed that out. Not sure how to fix that really, but its clear I need to. Let me ask you this...if the title were different, say "BLUE SKY ALL AROUND", might that have given you a different perspective going in?

[ckbarlow]

Tim: I dig it. And... I'd have to agree about the children's song idea -- kids' songs utterly mimic current adult styles and get more sophisticated all the time but use gentler metaphors like this. (I'm saying this based on listening to my friends' kids' CDs when we vacationed together last year -- I heard stuff that surprised me, it was so good) I think you have an excellent contender here for a "smart" children's song. I know that's maybe not what you wanted, but I still think it's a success.Last two choruses -- your vocal "Mr Giraffe" blows out a bit on "-raffe", particularly the second-to-last. And right before that second-to-last chorus, the drum fill sounds like a trip-up. You've just inspired me to maybe attempt some rock songs again for the first time in a decade, because children's as a genre might fit me as I become kinder and gentler in my old age.... LOL....So that's Beta Monkeys, eh? Good stuff!

[billg]

Tim, cool song, me likes! I was going to ditto the comment about the instrumental section after the solo but then read your explanation. I don't think it would hurt anything to leave it out.BTW you're my hero for just doing another take instead of auto tuning it!

[twilsbach]

Dec 24, 2008, 6:09am, billg wrote:BTW you're my hero for just doing another take instead of auto tuning it!LOL Only out of neccesity. Its a strange thing being neck deep in your song for awhile thinking its one thing, then getting a bigger perspective of it (with some help) and realizing that its not the thing you thought it was at all. All right then, bring on the Tween/Children's listings.

[matthoggard]

Us 40 year old children dig it!Does that count??M~

[liamkelly]

TimGood work. Very cool There were three albums released in South Africa in the last three years which comprised original 'animal' songs for kids done by a well-known local performer. All went platinum.I'll PM some details. May be worth an email.Happy Christmas!Liam

[Casey H]

Dec 23, 2008, 11:07pm, twilsbach wrote:Just finished this song for Modern Pop/Hot AC-type listings. (well, I still need to sing the bridge)Thoughts on lyrics, melody structure and any mixing/production tips on this master would be appreciated.Mr. GiraffeMR GIRAFFEHello Mr. Giraffe,I see you hold your head so highProud as a colorful birdI bet you think you can even flyThe view up there is thinYou need direction from your friends But you don't ever lean downSo we never see eye to eyeAnd the rest of us, want to talk to youWhat we see from the groundMight help you make it throughMr. GiraffeHead in the cloudsWon't you let us knowwhen you're coming downthere's blue sky all aroundblue sky all aroundJust like Pinocchio,Mister, you’ve got such a tale to tellYou think your make-believe is realWell we’ve got some news for you cause the rest of us, would never lie to youwhat we speak is the truthIt might help you make it throughCHORUSWe won’t wait for you foreverWon’t send good vibes after badSun or rain we stick together‘Cause the blue sky doesn’t always lastThanks!Hi TimMerry Xmas!I really like the vibe, musical approach- nicely recorded, and vocal style. For modern pop/hot AC, these lyrics won't fly. They come off much too children's-like. However with totally different lyrics, this might fall in well with the sound of young & modern rock and pop acts. I'd blow off the words and write it all over with a more fitting lyric such as one that is 'universal' for film/TV. With some work you might do well-- even if not Pop-Hot A/C, something in a fairly current rock/pop genre. Musically, the chorus doesn't feel quite right- I can't put my finger on it... maybe it feels like the style changes from the verse from modern rock/pop to something more retro or middle-of-the-road. Hard to put in words and I could be all wet here... BTW, I wouldn't open the chorus with the same lyric as the verse.Lots of potential Tim... Best! Casey