Submission advice, please

[ideascapes]

Thanks Andy and adrienne (the one with the cowboy hat).V>

[jwebbinspired]

Vince, Just thought I'd let you know that I found myself humming this melody this morning. Apparently I think it's catchy. Think I'll stream it again.Andy

[teleblaster]

Hi Vince,Great tune; I was drawn in from the first bar. You got to the chorus quickly; great pop songwriting. One quick nit: Sounds like the low end on the piano is ringing out and fighting/clashing with the bass around 2:10-2:15.Great memorable tune. I think it's a perfect fit for the listing and predict forwards and deals! Thanks for posting this.Erich

[suzdoyle]

Awesome song! I had the same feeling mentioned by others here that the chorus didn't have quite enough "lift" at first -- but I think it's the choice of chord causing that and where it is relative to the last chord of the verse.I'm curious if an alternate bass note with that first chord might give more of a feeling of lift, relative to it following the 5 chord at the end of the 2nd verse . . . in other word, something that alludes to a return to the one chord . . . Either way, though, very effective song! Excellent vocals and lyrics.Suz

[ideascapes]

Andy, I apologize for my song taking over your brain!Erich, thanks, you gave me something to listen for that I hadn't noticed before.Suz, I'll toy around with an alternate bass note in the beginning of the chorus--I guess I have 11 to choose from!V>

[devin]

I'd absolutely submit this tune to that listing Vince! Great job I found the keys and vocal tripping over each other a little during the bridge. The piano sounds a bit "smeared" at the ending too with all the great stuff going on.I say that with the following disclaimer though: I have a really bad listening set-up at home (10 year old laptop soundcard) that loves to generate artifacts...so let me know if I'm outta whack. If others aren't hearing it, then it's just me!

[ideascapes]

Thanks devin. Nobody else commented on the keys, but I think I know what you mean. They're playing more syncopated than anything else so it could sound a little smeared/stumbling. I'll give that some thought/listen.V>

[twilsbach]

Hey Vince,Nice production and a well crafted song. You'll have to update us on whether this gets through or not. I'd submit it as-is, but I don't think its quite a home run yet.It sounds a bit dated and not very modern to my ears. Especially the chugga chugga guitars. Very 80s. I get the 'not modern enough' comment a lot from the screeners and am overly sensitive to it. So my opinion might be slightly colored by that. Take it for what its worth. If you're familiar with Robin Frederick's ghost song exercise, give that a try with these lyrics and a recent ala artists' song with about the same tempo and see if you hear a difference.

[heinsite]

hi vince!!late here, sorryi like the production, nice job, i also get the not modern enough stuff, but i don't hear this with this tune. only comments on the neg side:--believe it or not, i think that you pound the hook/title line almost too much--i think you should vary the line before the last one in both words and at least the last note, it got a bit tedious for my ears even with only one listen, and on the 2nd/3d i was thinking that a few change up lines, just a couple, would help it allot IMHO, and easy for you to do--"my sad thoughts won't leave me alone" for the final line and even sparsely used in a couple other chorus'sss is cool, but i'd consider changing up the same line before that a couple of times, different lyric, just for interest....and VARY the last note UPward a few times for interest too. of course i'm told i break the rules too much, but your structure is solid here, so i think it would work fine--the bridge is simple, yet way cool with the chord change within the bridge.--the 3rd verse goes in circles and kinda doesn't say much, i'd rework it, as a matter of fact, my bet is the screeners might say that the lyrics need tightening in several places, (i hope not...) but just my thoughts...of course, that's what they always tell me...so maybe i'm dead wrong...that said, i love the tune's general energy, the movement is modern to ME....the structure is solid, so good luck with it.all the best,warren

[ideascapes]

Thanks for taking the time to listen, Tim. I think I know what you mean about the chugga chugga guitars making the song sound dated, but this is probably the most modern sounding thing I've ever recorded, so maybe there's no hope for me!!! I've not tried the "Ghost Song" exercise--is that where you try to write new lyrics to an existing song?Good comments, warren. Lyrically, I'm vulnerable on this one, but hoping the simplicity wins out. Concerning repetition in the chorus, I'm personally inclined to change things up all the time, but kept getting hammered by the "pros" for not enough simplicity/repetition, so...I'm still on the fence, I guess...V>