another Country song

[adrienne]

So here's another country song that I wrote that I'm debating to get demoed. Again my disclaimer....THIS IS A ROUGH DEMO. I'm not a musician nor am I an engineer so please forgive the horrible quality. If the song is good enough I will get it professionally demoed.I think this song has some great lines but I don't know if overall it's good enough to demo. Does the story make sense? Would you see it being sung by a guy or girl? Someone mentioned to me they thought it was a Reba song. What do you think? Any feedback on this would be greatly appreciated!!She Had His Backhttp://www.adrienneleopold.com/SheHadHisBack_Leopold.mp3(c) 2008 Adrienne LeopoldAn orphan child without a home His heart was as hard as his calloused handsWhile out on a limb she came up to himAnd brought him back from no man’s landHe didn’t believe the power of love could ever be so strong But she showed him forever means a lifetime and beyond ChorusShe meant every word of For better or worse She made him a rich man No matter his worth There for him through thick and thin And he never had to ask Even if he lost his shirt She had his backThey shared love like in fairy talesBut they lived far from easy streetWhen money was tight she would sacrificeTo find a way to make ends meetWith a needle, thread and a dash or two of a heart of goldShe turned a tiny shack into that home he’d never knownChorus BridgeA man likes to know he can do it aloneAnd show the world that he’s made it thoughBut she had a way of saving the day Without him feeling he’d been rescuedWhen he was down she’d always lift him upShe was the momentum when he got stuckExtended ChorusShe meant every word of For better or worse She made him a rich man No matter his worth There for him through thick and thin And he never had to ask She meant every word of Till death do us part She was wrapped around his finger He was wrapped around her heart There for him right to the end And he knew their love would last Even if he lost his shirt She had his back Even when he lost his shirtShe had his back

[ideascapes]

Adrienne,My reaction to a quick listen is the verses and pre-choruses are pretty strong, but you lose some momentum in the chorus. You might experiment with repeating the title line more in the chorus instead of just waiting 'til the last line. The melody in your pre-ch goes up pretty high, so that could be contributing to my reaction as well.I think a female could pull this off as a singer, and you did a good job on the demo.Vince

[adrienne]

Thanks for listening Vince. I fear that the demo I did doesn't demonstrate the lift of the chorus that I envision because I'm not a good piano player. But I see your point. I will give it some thought. Thanks so much! Happy new year!

[questor]

Hi Adrienne,Your voice (except for a couple of end notes here and there) really shines in this song...This is a perfect song for your range I think. This song had me hearing both Jewel and Lisa Loeb. The lyrics were quite solid and the general melody was very good. Only issue I heard with the lyrics was there seemed to be an awful lot of "she" and "he" pronouns (especially in the extended chorus)... you may want to break it up a little more with "they" or a perhaps general universal question/statement using "we"...you know, something like "Why can't we have a love like that" for example. While "we" will break the she/he usage up, it will also make the song more personal for the singer (as well as the audience) as singer is then also making some reference to her own situation.Of course, that's just one person's opinion.Overall, really solid job on the lyrics and again I thought this song fit your vocal style very well.Regards,Q

[adrienne]

Thanks so much Q. I'm not sure if going the "we" route will still fit the song but I will give it another look. Thanks for the kind words on my voice. I thought the demo was pretty bad, so that means a lot!!

[jwebbinspired]

Adrienne, I really think your voice is quite lovely. Nothing to disclaimer anyway. This is another great idea. I agree with Vince partly about the chorus. But I can see how big the chorus could be, and I actually got that from your demo. I think I'm caught up partly on the "thick and thin" it doesn't seem to sing well, and it doesn't look like it's rhymed so it might be a simple fix I guess. The melody seems to really work. And the lyrics are very good. I like the words of the chorus a lot. I think the only thing I really don't jive with is your hook. "She's Got His Back." It's not bad, I just think it sounds too platonic for the deep love you're describing. Things that come to mind are "She was the diamond in his rough" "She makes better out of worse" or simply "He was a rich man" and just title it "Rich Man." Just some thoughts. Great stuff Adrienne.Andy

[adrienne]

Thanks for your comments Andy and for liking my voice It's interesting what you say about the hook. My guess is you didn't catch the whole hook, which I guess would be a problem. The hook is actually set up by the line before - "even if he lost his shirt...(then hook) she had his back". They kinda go hand in hand...that's what I wrote the song based on. If I change the last line of the chorus then it's really a totally different song. It was intended to be a play on words....the meaning of losing your shirt implies falling on hard times, and the meaning of having his back implies that she stands by him. Was that idea clear? If not, then I probably have to make the rest of the song stronger to support that idea.Thanks!

[ideascapes]

Adrienne,Yes, that hook/title line was definitely clear to me and is clever. Clever works in country, but I still think it could be bigger in the chorus prior to that. You could sing the title prior to that last line and not lose much of the hook surprise.Happy New Year!V>

[adrienne]

Jan 1, 2009, 8:51am, ideascapes wrote:Adrienne,Yes, that hook/title line was definitely clear to me and is clever. Clever works in country, but I still think it could be bigger in the chorus prior to that. You could sing the title prior to that last line and not lose much of the hook surprise.Happy New Year!V>Phew! Thanks for that Vince. I'm going to see what I can do about making the chorus bigger or adding the hook twice. Happy 2009!!!

[jwebbinspired]

I'm sorry Adrienne, I don't think I explained myself well. I think your hook is clear and I definitely understood it. And it is very clever. That wasn't my issue at all. I just feel that "even if he lost his shirt she had his back" doesn't sound like the emotions of a marriage to me. And I could obviously be wrong, and Vince doesn't seem to think that that is as big as an issue as making the chorus bigger. And I duly agree that a big chorus is essential. Sorry about the misunderstanding.