Lies (At The Tableside) [Alt-Rock. Pop]

[heckxx]

Just finished up yet another song mix...this song is sort of a mix between some Sara Bareilles and Muse influences, and it is one of my stronger songs, vocally. Its still a relatively rough mix, but I would like to know what people think of it. Genre-wise, this song is relatively broad compared to some of my other songs, so I hope you will all enjoy it!I'm still working on making this song better, so any comments are more than welcome http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7145576All the things that you sayAs I begin to roll the tapesAll the phrases so clicheAnd all the words carefully placedIf I could reach to youThere's nothing I could say to make this rightSo I let it all subsideYou erase all the painAnd make us feel so empty insideYou replace the pain with liesYou feed us liesAt the tablesideWhere virgin tongues will dieYou make us smileAt the tablesideWith bloodshot eyesYou erase all the painAnd make us feel so empty insideYou replace all the painWith drugs and pesticidesAll the things that you sayAll the news spun in your wayAll the stories you create

[cameron]

I like it! Very good production, to my ears anyway. The vocals started out a bit unsteady to me, but I think that's acceptable in this genre. Good build to the chorus, but I wasn't sure when you got there which part was the chorus. Is it the "you erase all the pain" sequence, or "you feed us lies" part?Anyway, really nice work!Cam

[twilsbach]

-Interesting melody, I like where its headed.-Other than that there is stacatto, bouncy piano in this track, I'm not really hearing the Sara Bareilles reference.-Production is nice, although I think you're a getting ahead of yourself a bit, your songwriting isn't finished yet. (I'm guilty of same...maybe that's your creative process, IDK?)The lyrics are leaving me scratching my head though. Its not clear what you're trying to communicate in this song, or to who. The thoughts seem disconnected. I would really dig in and focus the emotional message you're trying to deliver.Overall this is a good start though, keep working it!

[heckxx]

Dec 15, 2008, 7:34am, twilsbach wrote:-Interesting melody, I like where its headed.-Other than that there is stacatto, bouncy piano in this track, I'm not really hearing the Sara Bareilles reference.-Production is nice, although I think you're a getting ahead of yourself a bit, your songwriting isn't finished yet. (I'm guilty of same...maybe that's your creative process, IDK?)The lyrics are leaving me scratching my head though. Its not clear what you're trying to communicate in this song, or to who. The thoughts seem disconnected. I would really dig in and focus the emotional message you're trying to deliver.Overall this is a good start though, keep working it! Thanks...well yeah, the Sara Bareilles thing is just that piano part, I tried very hard to make it not sound like I'm ripping off her, and I guess that worked out fine because no one thinks I did that, lol.Production wise, I still need to sing better -or- more in tune (or pitch correct it), do vocal layerings, and possibly more fx-typed stuff.These lyrics are some of the best I've written, but I guess they do seem a bit cryptic still, huh? It's about being fed lies and watered-down news from the media on television, and at the same time, how addictive television is. The media controls what we watch and what we don't watch, and they make it as painless and sterile as possible, it seems. The lyrics also partially reflect a "Brave New World" type world, where it seems that us, as individuals, surrender our control to the government or media. Hope this make sense!-Jeff

[twilsbach]

Hey Jeff,With that explanation it begins to make sense. I can now see some glimmer of connection between the thought process you've explained and the lyrics you've offered up.Your explanation clearly exemplifies that you have a strong sense of what this song is saying. You have to let the rest of us in on the story with JUST the lyrics and the melody. So, try this--take that paragraph you just wrote in reply and mine it for some lines in the song.You gotta put that detail in there, you know?

[foglyte]

Jeff, I like the song very much, good production IMO. The vox seemed a little in the "back" but got stronger, or sounded better to my ears, as the song progressed, but initially I thought they need an extra punch or something. Just my opinion.I like your lyrics and after reading your explanation I like them even more. I like cryptic lyrics myself, but for TAXI I agree with Tim, a little more detail will bring us into your world.Nice work.Fog

[heckxx]

Dec 14, 2008, 10:28am, cameron wrote: Good build to the chorus, but I wasn't sure when you got there which part was the chorus. Is it the "you erase all the pain" sequence, or "you feed us lies" part?CamI know what you mean! I tried changing the "you replace the pain with lies" part in the pre-chorus to help differentiate it from the chorus, but it just made it sound worse. I think what I will do is add some vocal layerings to "you feed us lies" in the chorus to help establish that this is a louder more dominant vocal part.

[heckxx]

Dec 15, 2008, 9:38am, twilsbach wrote:HSo, try this--take that paragraph you just wrote in reply and mine it for some lines in the song.You gotta put that detail in there, you know? Dec 15, 2008, 1:40pm, foglyte wrote:I like your lyrics and after reading your explanation I like them even more. I like cryptic lyrics myself, but for TAXI I agree with Tim, a little more detail will bring us into your world.Nice work.FogYeah, I think I will change a few lines I have, but at the same time, I would like the lyrics and meaning of the song to be relatively generic and broad, so that even someone who may not interpret the song the same way I do can still take something away from it, if its just a specific phrase or line that a listener attaches to. I know I am this way, sometimes I just love a certain line in a song I listen to, and yet I don't really think about the meaning of the song as a whole. I just love that one line.-Jeff

[partyofone]

Jeff, dude I loved the tone on that guitar solo and that little music box sound was bad-a$$! (Reminded me a bit of some stuff Failures "Fantastic Planet".) As usual your production is very strong my man.Also, I love the half-time shift in your chorus (I think that's the chorus).What I'd like to hear is to maybe take the melody higher in chorus or something to make it pop like more harmonies. I think you have makings of a great tune though man! Cheers.

[heckxx]

Dec 15, 2008, 9:53pm, partyofone wrote:What I'd like to hear is to maybe take the melody higher in chorus or something to make it pop like more harmonies. Yeah, I would like that too, but I haven't found a way to make the melody higher without making it not sound right. But I still need to add harmonies, as you mentioned, so I think that may fix that problem as well.