Hurtins all Over feedback please

[marcblack30]

Hello all,I'm working on a new country tune with one of my highschool buddies and would appreciate feedback for this tune across the board, ie lyrics, music, production etc. and were we should be pitching this one.i finished producing this one tonight so i'm sure there are some things that will need tweaked a bit.i was thinking the below listing would be a good start and it comes with a critique, but i do enjoy the feedback from the board to make sure i'm on track.GREAT CONTEMPORARY and NEO-TRADITIONAL MALE COUNTRY SONGS in the range of Randy Travis, George Strait, Clint Black, Bryan White, Toby Keith, Trace Adkins, Kenny Chesney, etc. are wanted by a Major Producer who has been producing one of Country's biggest stars since the beginning of his career. This Producer is looking for solid songs that cross a range from Contemporary to Traditional, with an emphasis on cohesive and compelling lyrics. Solid melodic hooks and a Chorus section that is undeniably memorable will also be key factors for this one. The bar is very high here, so be sure to present your absolute best material! Great demo recordings and performances will certainly help to sell the song - be sure you only present songs that have male vocals and are from a male lyric perspective. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD, include lyrics. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than December 16, 2008Hurtins all Over : Tony fullen & Marc Blackwellhttp://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_id=1933 ... rueHurtins All OverA year ago today I felt like dyin'As unloved and unwanted as a heart could beBut time has a way to keep me from cryin' And now the hurtins all over, all over meYes the hurtins all overBut the nights keep growin’ colderWhat started in my heart has spread all over meWell the time did its part and Took the pain right from my heartAnd now the hurtins all over, all over meNow my arms ache to hold you like they used to do And my eyes strain to see the love, you once had for meHow I miss your caress and all the things I loved about youYes the hurtins all over, all over meYes the hurtins all overBut the nights keep growin’ colderWhat started in my heart has spread all over meWell the time did its part and Took the pain right from my heartAnd now the hurtins all over, all over meWell they say time can heal or mend a broken heartThat all things get better with timeAll I know is that I feel like my whole world has fallen apartYes the hurtins all over all over meYes the hurtins all over all over meYes the hurtins all over all over memany thanks,Marc

[partyofone]

hi marc,I like the lyric and the concept here. I'd like to hear a quick chord change in between "all over... all over me" OR a hookier melody twist when you resolve on "...all over me". Seems like you guys have good bones to work with! Good luck!

[matthoggard]

Marc,I hear more of a Willie thing here. Thats not a bad thing at all.I think you have too much space between the first chorus and the second verse. Either shorten is or fill it with a really cool instrumental hook.The chorus doesnt lift quite enough IMO. The melody is fine but I think maybe a bit more emotion in the delivery?I know its the 11th hour for the submission so maybe spend the 5 bucks and get the critique?Overall its a good tune and has a solid frame. I like the melody and it fits the music well.M~

[billg]

Marc, I like this and the playing & production are good (especially considering this is an artist pitch). I'm not sure that the chorus is going to be strong enough for the nature of the listing. As it was said from someone at Taxi in regards to some of my songs and the artists' pitches, "what needs to be there is a hook that grabs the listener around the throat & pulls them in". Anyway, it's worth the $5 to find out & I hope I'm wrong (and if it makes you feel better, I'm wrong more often than right!)

[marcblack30]

thanks for the comments.after looking at this listing again i'm thinking it may not be a good fit, like matt mentioned, it's got more of a willie vibe, it might be too "old" for this one but it's worth the critique i suppose.i won't limit this to just artist pitches but thought it would be a good one for that.anyone play the fiddle or pedal steel, or know where to get some decent samples?thanks all,Marc

[motomyrtle]

Hi Marc, I certainly wish you good luck with this one. I like the lyric and the concept is a good one.For me the topic and tempo didn't quite match up. The melody was fine, it was just a teenie bit too fast for my taste. I'm not a musician - that's just my gut reaction.Cheryl

[heinsite]

hi marc!i'm thinking that they'll be looking for more "contemporary" on this listing--but i do like the tune, and think it fits for a more "traditional" listing--if they're forwarding c/w tunes at all--and bill's point up there is exactly right, the chorus is good, and if this was a more VERY traditional listing, it might fly, but these days damn if it aint hard without a chorus written by god and edited by jesus--hey, there's your next tune "written by god and edited by jesus"...hmmagain, i like it, good luck with it!all the best,warren

[kitz]

Marc,The tune has Texas swing written all over it. The Nashville production just kind of stifles the swing potential of this tune. Don't get me wrong - I thinks it's a GREAT tune - just needs a little reorienting in my view. I do know a great pedal steel player if you are interested, I've used him on my material. This is a Bob Wills kind of happening.Keep 'em coming,Kitz

[devin]

If I was learned enough to help, I'd speak up. For now, I'll just munch my popcorn and enjoy your tune!

[marcblack30]

Devin my man, you are learned real good!i was expecting you'd say, " you know what this track needs, is some banjo"!I wouldn't disagree, what would it cost me for some real live banjo?