Here I Stand - Wedding Song

[sgs4u]

I was reading the other thread about how long people take to finish tunes. I'm not like Bill at all, often wish I was. Sometimes it takes me 10 years to get around to finishing a song. I wrote this song, sang it at our wedding while my wife walked up the aisle. It was kinda pompous. And it has been difficult to analyze it objectively, to put it mildly. I am finally ready to get some opinions on this. I need to know how clean the lyrics are, and how decent the melody is. This is one of the very few songs that I've ever composed that wasn't a co-write. But please rip it up or tell me truthfully what you think. I ain't scared. Click on the song title to get to my soundclick page. Here I Stand © Steve SoucyTime is standing still, like slow motion destinySuch a precious moment's hanging in the airYou're taking my name, in front of all our friends and familyToday is the answer to all my prayersJust what did I do, to deserve a girl like youAnd how did you know, I could never let you goWhat you want me to be, is the best I can beFor the rest of my life, please be my wifeCause here I stand, more than I amHere I stand, your manIt's the sound of your voice, and the beauty of your smileThe touch of your skin, so much softer than mineIt's the joy in your tears, and the love that's in your eyesOh God, how am I gonna stop myself from cryingJust what did I do, to deserve a girl like youAnd how did you know, I could never let you goWhat you want me to be, is the best I can beFor the rest of my life, please be my wifeCause here I stand, more than I amHere I stand, a much better manHere I stand, your man

[sgs4u]

Dec 11, 2008, 7:52pm, cameron wrote:Let me be the first to say, this is a very, very nice song. Very touching, and something anyone who has been married and very much in love can relate to... OK, so now I see there is a big pussycat underneath that gruff exterior of yours!p.s. So what's with the Paul Shafer avatar photo? Must be Canada Day? Cam, thanks so much for taking the time to check it out, and post your thoughts. It is an honest song, but unfortunately someone told me a long time ago that it would only ever be a lousy demo of an Ok song. With what's going on in my life with my wife lately (great stuff!), the song very recently fell back into my field of vision. It's time to rework it, and plug the holes. Glad you like the tune! Think I'll rewrite the title melody, using your advice. You're probably right that it needs a bigger hook. I certainly do want to hear what some more people think, hoping some others jump on it! My gruff exterior is really all show. I only use it to mirror someone's else's behavior. I keep expecting that everyone knows that, but I guess not. I also pretend to be a tough guy that doesn't mind arguing once in a while because there usually seems to be great information traded as a result of the more emotional exchanges. The Paul Shaffer thing is just me playing Hammond Organ, being bald and having glasses. You're not the first to notice, hehe, but I could take him in a scrap.

[sgs4u]

Dec 11, 2008, 9:52pm, slowdance wrote:Steve,Are you still married!?!Totally, happily, committed! (She does know how to drive me nuts tho ) But what did you think of the song?

[sgs4u]

Dec 11, 2008, 11:33pm, fretnoise wrote:Hi Steve, I've written a couple of songs like this for my wife as well. In my case I've chosen not to do any surgery on them so I'm hesitant to do any on yours.What I hear in the song is absolute sincerity so wouldn't altering it for commercial purposes be taking something from that? Maybe you see it differently... it sounds to me like 90's pop country, maybe Steve Warner or Randy Travis or something, except for the production which sounds more pop. I like the form but I tend to like unconventional forms. Hey Elser, thanks very much for taking the time to listen & comment. Truthfully, I have no attachment to it from a " keep it the way it is," perspective. That's why I've posted it. I think the sincerity can stay in there even with a rewrite. I'm trying to figure how how to make it more marketable. The form, with a very long B section or climb is kinda weird, maybe too different. Your scalpel comment about it being '90's Pop country is pretty much n the money. I think I need to hire a dobro player to countrify it. And of course make the title sound like a BIG chorus.

[sgs4u]

Dec 12, 2008, 4:18am, bmete wrote:Steve,Really liked your song... and voice.I thought I heard a high hat in the background- my only suggestion would be to bring the that high hat forward, some little brushes on cymbals to accent certain phrases, and I think some percussion on the chorus , something simple light and breezy would really lift the song...Bob.hi Bob, thanks for listening, glad you liked it.Really I'm going to demo this again, and want to make sure that the lyric and melody are bulletproof. The demo was 12 years ago, when I knew less about production stuff. I'll be a lot more discerning this time, the last demo was just about getting it done in time for the wedding. hehe Good idea about the brushes, I'm going to run with it. I don't even remember what I did for drums on the original.

[wignelson]

This is a nice song, Steve. The piano playing is very good as expected. The rhythm git in the background is just that. Does the job and stays out of the way. The vocals are good, but I'd lose some of the harmony unless you want to make it super tight with V-vocal or melodyne.When there is no harmony, the vocals like just what the song needs. Sincerity. Since you are only one man, think about having only one voice sing it.The lyrics are honest and present the message, but as mentioned, the hook could use a transfusion to give it more vitality.I'd be glad to tweak your lyrics, but you probably don't want me.Good song. Nice message, good luck with the remake. Wig

[mojobone]

First off, FAIL for using the word "destiny" right there in the first line. (okay, this is a pet peeve of mine, talk to me after you've heard the same whiny singer-songwriter drone on about it for six minutes at a time at four straight open mic nights and it's the only intelligible word in the entire two-chord "song"-I've been this way since nineteen eighty-something, gotta admit that clown sure made an impression...) Some of the lines could use a more conversational flow, (particularly the first line) and I think the hook melody could be more dynamic. Maybe a descending line for the words, "here I stand" would suggest coming to rest; planting yourself in the fertile soil of her, erm, love. So to speak.

[sgs4u]

Dec 12, 2008, 2:19pm, mojobone wrote:First off, FAIL for using the word "destiny" Doh, Ow. I understand...

[allends]

Dec 11, 2008, 5:00pm, sgs4u wrote:...This is one of the very few songs that I've ever composed that wasn't a co-write. But please rip it up or tell me truthfully what you think. I ain't scared. Hi Steve,I'll bet you could outdo yourself with this lovely song if you revisited it again today, but I'm too sentimental to critique such a heart-felt song. Thanks for the warm reminder of how it felt for my sweetheart and me 26 years ago.-Allen

[partyofone]

Hi Steve!I like the overall flow melodically and section to section. What I'd like to hear and to me what would grab me more in chorus is to have the 2nd line ascend more melody wise. For instance, on the 2nd "here I stand" in the first chorus I'd like to here it lift more or maybe instead of melody have some different chordal motion. Sorry that's vague! Also, IMHO, the "friends and family" line didn't seem to flow as much as some of the other lines... (although I'm sure you could make a case that it's cooler that way).Your piano playing is great! Best of luck on it!