Doubting Thomas

[Mark Kaufman]

Another collaboration with Couchgrouch. This one is probably going to change quite a bit...I'd like to make it more country...not sure if that can be done just by using country instrumentation, vocals and playing-style, or if it needs a full rewrite...Couch mentioned hearing more "Almost Home"-style conversational approach to the verses. I'd love to hear any feedback and suggestions, as this one has me more uncertain than most new ones do. Thanks! http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7136374Doubting ThomasLittle Thomas had a secret scarOn his innocent and fragile heartAnd a strength beyond his tender yearsOnce beside his bed he felt so scaredHe knelt with his mama deep in prayerLost for words that would describe his fearsTiny fingers squeezed her handAs he fought to make her understandHis mama realized too lateThe worst mistake she’d ever makeWas doubting Thomas, and what he’d told herFrightened teardrops, head upon her shoulderScreaming nightmares, painful childhood traumasLife seemed so unsure, cos those he trusted wereDoubting ThomasThomas wouldn’t sleep without a lightSunday mornings he would run and hideAs if he feared something at their churchWeekly bath time for her precious boyHe had plastic submarines and toysAnd a bruise said more than all his wordsAll the tears, the sorrow and the griefOver what it took so she’d believeHugged him there on the bathroom floorBeggin’ God to forgive her forDoubting Thomas, and what he’d told herFrightened teardrops, head upon his shoulderThere’s no comfort, gentle as his mama’sLife seemed so unsure, when those he trusted wereDoubting ThomasThomas never ceased his prayersReaching for the healing thereNever questioning the LordForgiving his mama forDoubting Thomas, and what he’d told herFrightened teardrops, fade as he gets olderHe believed in, heaven’s steady promiseWhen life seemed unsure, and those he trusted wereDoubting Thomas Copyright 2008 by Robert George & Mark Kaufman

[davekershaw]

Really clever song Mark.Nice to hear Robert's words put to music.We've got a big debate going on regarding child abuse in the UK at present, so this is very poignant.Personally, I like it in the style you've done it.Very Bowie!Excellent.Dave.

[Mark Kaufman]

Thanks Dave! Yeah, I thought these lyrics were very poignant...I've been thinking about them for many weeks, then finally composed something for them.Appreciate your thoughts!-Mark

[davekershaw]

Yeah Mark.It's a very powerful lyric, and would resonatein a lot of countries I'm sure.Even the photo you used is poignant.Do a Google on "Baby P" to see what I mean.Have a great weekend.Dave.

[gburgess]

Mark,Nice job."I'd like to make it more country...not sure if that can be done just by using country instrumentation, vocals and playing-style."My 2 cents. I believe you can "make it more country" "just by using country instrumentation, vocals and playing-style." Personally, I don't think it needs a complete rewrite.The general spirit of the message sort of reminds me a bit of Martina McBrides "Concrete Angel." "She walks to school with the lunch she packedNobody knows what she's holdin' backWearin' the same dress she wore yesterdayshe hides the bruises with the linen and lace oh"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDm03Foq2T0Take a listen to what she did with it. Perhaps you can get a better handle on moving it closer to modern country.Given the desire for crossover music within modern country, you don't have to get too country, to bring it within the ranks of today's country.GB

[Mark Kaufman]

Dave, I'll check that out. Thanks again, mate!GB, thank God I'm not the only one who thinks this...I've had several conversations with people about this one, saying it's really about how you play it, and about WHO plays it, to make it country. The modern country songs on the charts right now appear to me to be based on classic rock structures with country musicians, vocals and instrumentation. I can hear this one done that way...but I can't do it myself. Pedal steel, different piano style, etc... ah well. We're working on it.Thank you! --mk

[gburgess]

No problem Mark. This is the second time I've checked out your work and responded to your request for help.I'm just getting to know you through this board, and already I'm developing a real respect for your passion to "do it right." Clearly you strive to put the music ahead of ego, pride, ownership... Just wanted to say--very cool.Most people do not realize how difficult it is to create a solid song (start to finish), never mind, create a solid song and then look for others to help you make it better. You love your music more than you love yourself! I'm impressed.Thanks for inviting us into the creative process.GB

[heinsite]

hey mark,another very nice tune, and i think that you should have 2 versions, this one when done (the anthemic and almost bowie-esque comment up there is right on, actually if you can make it a bit MORE anthem like, i see a sale in this for many "stars" and alas, ...now, that said...i also can hear a country version, but one that is simply, well, more simple in the production, and yep, with them instruments....and unfortunately the length issue (the bridge or key change thing is very cool, but may not exactly work for c/w---keep it for the anthem style...) but that said, you know my success rate at c/w!! i'd simplify it as much as possible for c/w and that might take a rewrite of a few of the lyrics so there just aint much "guessing" going on, yep, IMHO "too smart" of a tune--(and before c/w folks yell at me, that is NOT a slight...) just a bit un-country like in the presentation and guesswork--better said warren you idiot--the "subtle-ty" of the current lyrics for c/w might hold it back....ok,, yes, that's it--sorry to write off the top of my damned head is a pain in the ass...but all that said, dig it mucho,all the best,wh

[mojobone]

Chill bumps again...Yeah, I can kinda hear this as country, given the proper instrumentation/performances. Easiest to hand this over to Jimi, if a mainstream country cut is the target; the melody doesn't scream "country" to me, but that's hardly a barrier, these days.

[Mark Kaufman]

Dec 12, 2008, 12:56pm, gburgess wrote:No problem Mark. This is the second time I've checked out your work and responded to your request for help.I'm just getting to know you through this board, and already I'm developing a real respect for your passion to "do it right." Clearly you strive to put the music ahead of ego, pride, ownership... Just wanted to say--very cool.Most people do not realize how difficult it is to create a solid song (start to finish), never mind, create a solid song and then look for others to help you make it better. You love your music more than you love yourself! I'm impressed.Thanks for inviting us into the creative process.GBWell dang, GB, I'm blushing here.But your comment touches on a larger issue well worth discussing--I think the song is the thing, not the writer. My pride and ego are stroked when the song works, not when people say nice things about it. And I think this site is all about us writers and composers working...it's not showtime, it's workshop time. So these posts are all about collaborative conversation among peers.If I ever thought differently and began simply showcasing whatever I did, I would deserve to get pelted with rotten fruit and vegetables. I think we all have the same desire to make the song work....otherwise, we're just playing games with our own minds.Thanks so much for those very kind words! I better call my wife quick and remember who's boss...