Dear Everybody........Please review........

[partyofone]

That's a helluva big chorus... cool. I like melody twist on the -IV chord. Yeah I could hear a cool melodic guitar work in there for sure!

[wta]

Mark, you without a doubt have talent mate! I really like the timbre of your voice and the piano work and backing vocals were spot on. Overall this is a great tune. My issues are that it feels "cramped" with alot of words with little room to digest. I also felt the song is too long as I was looking for the ending at about the three minute mark and I have to say for me that would have been a great time to end it. The outro, I'd pull it completely. This song has GREAT potential and is well worth all the time you're investing into it. wta

[cjdenecia]

Quote:I would like your thoughts both good and bad.............are we all certain about that? did we ALL read that?anyway .... musically, there's a lot to like here. the stripped piano arrangement works wonderfully and personally I like how the song builds into the chorus and the drums kick in ....the chord structure is good in that the first change took me a bit by surprise and how the melody rode it was sweet ... the :32 second mark to be exact. works. carried the song strongly into the chorus and tho I wish you'd cut the chorus length in half - it's a good melody that creates a fair to middlin' hook .... a bit too redundant tho, again, I'd save a longer double chorus for the outro or something. otherwise, it'll wear thin ....production wise, this is pretty much good to go ... all the instrumental voices are fine and the overall sound is excellent. mix-wise, I have zero complaints about anything .... vocally, you have a splendid voice, a bit too much balls to the wall michael bolton sorta thing going on .... maybe if you'd have started a whole lot more intimately early on, it would have helped give the song the vocal dynamic it lacks. you just seem to be full on with your attack nearly all the way through the song. there's no rise and fall, no aspect of the delivery that lets me get close to you ...the harms all helped support well ....some of the things that bother me are lyric based though - and to be sure, I can't even begin to relate to the story. yeah, it's mostly well crafted and it generally flows well - but the lines "my head, my head, my head" actually was a bit irritating to me for some reason ... might have been the actual melody notes coupled with the basic vowel and consonant sounds of the words - or maybe it's the way it seems to be a bit ... I don't know ... ..... well, there's no other way to say it - contrived .... might work better to me if it was just a series of lines instead - dunno. but it bugged me.as well ... as I said, I can't relate at all to the story line or what you've gone thru - or for that matter, what you're going through ... and I'd like to relate because of the music and the melody but from the POV of somebody who doesn't relate - I lose interest. not that I don't care but cus like any scenario such as this, outsiders will probably not want to be subjected to it too many times. that's just the way of things, other people who don't have the disease will have their own problems and they will feel them every bit as important as your story but won't really be able to relate ....so, it'll be fine if you are only targeting the section of the population that shares the affliction but I'm sorta doubting the rest of the world is gonna want to be subjected to the story time and time again (repeated listens)and it's not that I don't personally appreciate the willingness to bare your soul in song about it ... but I question why you couldn't somewhat mask the story in something more general that more people couldn't grab onto? it's done all the time ... a song that means one thing ending up being the story for many cus it's delivered with less of an isolated POV. yeah, it'd water it down and convolute it but if it's airplay or a more wide open audience that you want - well ... if it's just empathy you're trying to get, or if it's therapeutic - that's different. but I assume it's something you're gonna try to market in some fashion and it's pretty much down to a few choices in movies, tv or adverts ...but that's coming from a guy with about 6 different voices in his head, and each of them seem to hate the other harmoniously. and love each other as well - dissonantly ... ie - normal. no depression, just human.but hey, other than that, it's got a very modern pop vibe with an excellent overall melody and a good hook. it's just a minute and a half too long and might need some vocal delivery dynamics to make it work otherwise.so nice job. hope to hear a few things from you that aren't quite so isolated. and good luck with your problem man ... really ...but do understand - while you're sitting around at TB, the meaning of life is really simple stuff when you get down to it. and it starts with sensible shoes. people would be a lot better off if they just started there and let it roll ...

[tedsingingfox]

Nov 28, 2008, 1:31pm, zingstone wrote:Well, the mournful opening chords immediately show us where we’re headed, but it’s soon apparent that we’re going there too soon. By 37 seconds the voice is rushing forward and I’m in danger of a sudden headache (My head, my head!), and then it’s more or less full pelt all the way.None of the depressives I’ve known have that much energy.The voice is pleasingly proficient and cuts a compelling melody but there are just too many words and not more than a handful of them are interesting. This is because there’s basically no narrative with which we can empathise. Still, if presenting a series of disconnected expressions associated with desperation was the intention, it’s a success.Would that you had given me some more space to enjoy within the song, in order to appreciate and digest what has come before and anticipate what’s next, and that artistic fulfilment could’ve been achieved by a “less is more” approach to the substance. For example, the lines ending with “make it, fake it, break it, take it” are remorselessly unconvincing. On the other hand the imagery associated with “drowning in my bed” is dramatic and original.Although the delivery is seamless, it’s so ceaselessly impassioned that by 2 minutes 50 I’m thinking the song has runs its course. But with a way still to go, we’re saved by the expansiveness of the middle 8, which resolves something despite its lyrical deficiencies.All the backing vocals work well, especially on the “I don’t know”s. I felt that more use could have been made of this strength, especially since the song is about “voices”.I’d like to hear a three minute version of this song with some ruthless editing and a build which is restrained enough to engage the listener before his heart is broken.Who ON EARTH talks like this? Other than 80-yr old Members of Parliament, with white wigs on their heads?????English would be appreciated. And you know exactly what I mean, OK? Please. Please. Don't bother to explain to me that this was written in english.

[tedsingingfox]

Hey, McAnty.I'm not in a place where I can actually HEAR much of anything, even if I WERE to try to listen right now.But just by the shear emotional responses you've gotten from SO many members here, I think I ought to say this...One of the VERY best things I've learned from all the songwriting classes and seminars and workshops and screenings, etc., I've sat through is:It is FAR more important for the SONG to be huge and powerful and emotional than it is for the arrangement and production to be.I was handed a CD at the Rally by someone I have known for years (and have considered a FRIEND for most of them). This person had paid for one of the TOP producers in the country, and nearly every player ON the disc was directly connected with a multi-platinum-selling band. But not ONE of the songs were ready, and NO AMOUNT of production was going to sell these average songs.I'd say that your first step would be to submit this one to a TAXI listing that promises a critique. Pay close attention to the feedback. If it throws you for a loop, TAXI is always more than willing to get deeper into it. And if that STILL doesn't help, get a custom critique. (It's only $20 for serious detailed responses.)But from the sound of it, you are on to something. Why bother putting a guitar band-aid on something that may not need it?Nothing more than my $.02.Ted

[cjdenecia]

Nov 28, 2008, 5:08pm, tedsingingfox wrote:Nov 28, 2008, 1:31pm, zingstone wrote:Well, the mournful opening chords immediately show us where we’re headed, but it’s soon apparent that we’re going there too soon. By 37 seconds the voice is rushing forward and I’m in danger of a sudden headache (My head, my head!), and then it’s more or less full pelt all the way.None of the depressives I’ve known have that much energy.The voice is pleasingly proficient and cuts a compelling melody but there are just too many words and not more than a handful of them are interesting. This is because there’s basically no narrative with which we can empathise. Still, if presenting a series of disconnected expressions associated with desperation was the intention, it’s a success.Would that you had given me some more space to enjoy within the song, in order to appreciate and digest what has come before and anticipate what’s next, and that artistic fulfilment could’ve been achieved by a “less is more” approach to the substance. For example, the lines ending with “make it, fake it, break it, take it” are remorselessly unconvincing. On the other hand the imagery associated with “drowning in my bed” is dramatic and original.Although the delivery is seamless, it’s so ceaselessly impassioned that by 2 minutes 50 I’m thinking the song has runs its course. But with a way still to go, we’re saved by the expansiveness of the middle 8, which resolves something despite its lyrical deficiencies.All the backing vocals work well, especially on the “I don’t know”s. I felt that more use could have been made of this strength, especially since the song is about “voices”.I’d like to hear a three minute version of this song with some ruthless editing and a build which is restrained enough to engage the listener before his heart is broken.Who ON EARTH talks like this? Other than 80-yr old Members of Parliament, with white wigs on their heads?????English would be appreciated. And you know exactly what I mean, OK? Please. Please. Don't bother to explain to me that this was written in english.fine. here we go again. critiques of critiques. and it's the noobs right? do you guys actually want reviews or would you just like to talk amongst yourselves?sorry zing - not trying to interfere but I fully follow the review. and more or less agree. then again, tho I do frequently enjoy "fire bad, tree pretty" conversations, sometimes color does liven up a chat.

[tedsingingfox]

Nov 28, 2008, 5:22pm, cjdenecia wrote:Nov 28, 2008, 5:08pm, tedsingingfox wrote:Who ON EARTH talks like this? Other than 80-yr old Members of Parliament, with white wigs on their heads?????English would be appreciated. And you know exactly what I mean, OK? Please. Please. Don't bother to explain to me that this was written in english.fine. here we go again. critiques of critiques. and it's the noobs right? do you guys actually want reviews or would you just like to talk amongst yourselves?sorry zing - not trying to interfere but I fully follow the review. and more or less agree. then again, tho I do frequently enjoy "fire bad, tree pretty" conversations, sometimes color does liven up a chat.I have NO problem with color. But when "kaliedescope" is the only color you present, it all gets lost.Fancy wording for no other purpose is NOT impressive. It's insincere.McArty has touched many heads and hearts with this piece. Why not respond from the gut? That's all I'm saying.

[cjdenecia]

Nov 28, 2008, 5:30pm, tedsingingfox wrote:I have NO problem with color. But when "kaliedescope" is the only color you present, it all gets lost.Fancy wording for no other purpose is NOT impressive. It's insincere.McArty has touched many heads and hearts with this piece. Why not respond from the gut? That's all I'm saying.so the answer is yes, the taxi peer to peer forum is about reviewing others reviews.thank you.are we noobs allowed those same options or is there some right of passage first?

[stephen1977]

Nov 28, 2008, 5:08pm, tedsingingfox wrote:Nov 28, 2008, 1:31pm, zingstone wrote:Well, the mournful opening chords immediately show us where we’re headed, but it’s soon apparent that we’re going there too soon. By 37 seconds the voice is rushing forward and I’m in danger of a sudden headache (My head, my head!), and then it’s more or less full pelt all the way.None of the depressives I’ve known have that much energy.The voice is pleasingly proficient and cuts a compelling melody but there are just too many words and not more than a handful of them are interesting. This is because there’s basically no narrative with which we can empathise. Still, if presenting a series of disconnected expressions associated with desperation was the intention, it’s a success.Would that you had given me some more space to enjoy within the song, in order to appreciate and digest what has come before and anticipate what’s next, and that artistic fulfilment could’ve been achieved by a “less is more” approach to the substance. For example, the lines ending with “make it, fake it, break it, take it” are remorselessly unconvincing. On the other hand the imagery associated with “drowning in my bed” is dramatic and original.Although the delivery is seamless, it’s so ceaselessly impassioned that by 2 minutes 50 I’m thinking the song has runs its course. But with a way still to go, we’re saved by the expansiveness of the middle 8, which resolves something despite its lyrical deficiencies.All the backing vocals work well, especially on the “I don’t know”s. I felt that more use could have been made of this strength, especially since the song is about “voices”.I’d like to hear a three minute version of this song with some ruthless editing and a build which is restrained enough to engage the listener before his heart is broken.Who ON EARTH talks like this? Other than 80-yr old Members of Parliament, with white wigs on their heads?????English would be appreciated. And you know exactly what I mean, OK? Please. Please. Don't bother to explain to me that this was written in english.Woh woh man. Ease back just a little on that horse. Judgmental much?Ugh. Song good.Ugh. Me like song.Ugh. Song bad me no like song.Is that what you want man? To each their own bro. This isn't even your song. God, the insecurity level of some of the folks here is just astonishing.Enjoy the music people. Enjoy the interaction. This is a fantastic forum and I'm glad I stumbled upon it months ago. But the second somebody starts judging me for how I choose to review a song, or just carry myself in general, will be the day, I walk off. I don't waste MY time.Everybody just needs to relax. A lot of tension here lately. Let's get back to the importance of a place like this.

[zingstone]

Quote:sorry zing - not trying to interfereNo problem Nasty, but if this is to continue I suggest we take it to the "Stuff" thread rather than soil this one.If anyone wants to read the dumbed-down version of my review, it's in there.