"Get Away" (Alternative-Rock)

[heckxx]

Hey all, I'm just looking for some feedback on this song, "Get Away"...specifically, I would like to know if the lyrics seem to make sense....its supposed to be sort of complex and deep, but I don't want it to sound random, unfocused, confusing, etc. Also, any other comments on the sound would be great! I will be re-recording this sometime, I have an idea to make it part of a 4-song series that tells the whole story -Jeffhttp://soundclick.com/share?songid=6961113Why has everything become so wrong?Why has every little step you takeTurn so dark?The threshold in their heads,It’s set too lowWhen you try to raise the deadYour hand is pulledHide your eyesThere’s nothing left to seeYour demiseHas grown from bitter seedsDon’t you cryListen to what I sayJust get awayJust get awayWhat is your belief?Twisted, I would sayTo see how many fallen soulsHave cried along the wayDoes this benefit exceed the painThat we all want to go awayTo go awayHide your eyesThere’s nothing left to seeYour demiseHas grown from bitter seedsDon’t you cryListen to what I sayJust get awayJust get awayTheir shadows speak to meThey tell me everythingThe chemicals don’t lieThey never lieTheir stories, one by oneThe suicidal gunsYou didn’t see this comingIt’s heartbreakingIt’s heartbreakingGet away…

[zingstone]

Quote:specifically, I would like to know if the lyrics seem to make sense....its supposed to be sort of complex and deep, but I don't want it to sound random, unfocused, confusing, etc.Well Jeff, I can't say that I know exactly where you're coming from but I did pick up from a few random words a visual of people stumbling or being led blindly toward their own oblivion.That complex and deep enough for ya? Heh.I like the image you use of a "demise grow(ing) from bitter seeds", i.e. of something which has to develop/expand before it breaks down.Like your other tune, production pretty impeccable, though when you re-record the vocal you'll have to get down to those deep notes with a bit more conviction and control.I'm not really sure how I feel about this kind of what I call "generic rock", except it all seems to hit me at the one level, aurally and emotionally. But you do seem to have all the right ingredients for the recipe.

[jay10music]

JEFF....GREAT STUFF DUDE.... Love the song..Voice ....Production...Love the brake part..Guitar work. Sorry don't know shit about the lyric scheme.. GOOD JOB.....I Enjoyed it......Jay....

[cjdenecia]

Dec 7, 2008, 7:47am, heckxx wrote:Hey all, I'm just looking for some feedback on this song, "Get Away"...specifically, I would like to know if the lyrics seem to make sense....its supposed to be sort of complex and deep, but I don't want it to sound random, unfocused, confusing, etc.ok, honestly, no the words don't make sense, it does sound random, unfocused and confusing. and you know it - otherwise you wouldn't have been so quick to draw our attention to it.trust your own judgment. if you have to convince yourself about something that fundamental, or want validation that you're wrong about it, you won't be able to convince any listener that you've got something worthwhile to say in a way that can be grabbed on to.but no, it's not a worthwhile lyric for the musical bed. not as is ...and on the sound - it's great. it's well done, well produced and well thought out to fit in with what's been the pop metal flavor of the week for a while now (I said this about your last one too I guess) - but it'll have to be an exact match for a listing vs a career launching song. cus there's thousands of you out there doing this style. as I stated, a friend of mine is doing it ... and slightly better cus his is a full band with each member being top notch across the board (and that's always gonna be notch above a single performer IMO) ... but it's not unique at all. which is ok if you know that. you know that right?anyway, the sound is tight. other than the lyrics being what you feared they are, the vocals are good. not great. melody in the chorus doesn't quite get the lift it needs ... bridge tries to make itself into something a bit different and that's good but it doesn't really add to the song as much as just seem a bit contrived to be something added to the song as something different in the song ... if you follow what I mean there ... I dunno ... these songs in this style ... they are just so plentiful ... and it's a pity to me ... you have such talent but you seem so hellbent on staying inside the box ... do yourself a favor. continue to listen to what you're listening to and then add to your playlist. listen hard to some good rap music. old stuff ... ice T ... or any east LA artist that doesn't focus on sex and goes with social commentary ... add the talking heads and maybe some incubus and def lepard ... mix them up and see what you find ... but trust me, this sound is not gonna be around in 2 years. or at least not as "now". honestly, I'm surprised it's still hanging on ... must be payola still digs deep into the heart of the radio man ... I'm being hard on ya man, but I believe it. and you've obviously got great talents ... I do exactly the same with my friend ... lots of people tell him they can't understand why he isn't on the radio - it's simple, he already is. 2 letters ... LP.hell, from what I've heard from them, even they know the score and they're trying to move on. and they have a record company with blinders to answer to.sorry ... preaching again .. I have to stop that ... but hey, you asked. I told my story ...

[matthoggard]

One production note.The kick drum really gets washed out when the heavyness kicks in. You need some cutting eq in the instruments to bring it out. Rythm guitar and bass and kick are all pumping the same frequencies in alot of spots. Just clean it up a little.A little too much of Linkin Park melodically though. Very similar IMO.Your voice is your ticket man. I dig it alot.M~

[heckxx]

Dec 7, 2008, 5:18pm, cjdenecia wrote:and on the sound - it's great. it's well done, well produced and well thought out to fit in with what's been the pop metal flavor of the week for a while now (I said this about your last one too I guess) - but it'll have to be an exact match for a listing vs a career launching song. cus there's thousands of you out there doing this style. as I stated, a friend of mine is doing it ... and slightly better cus his is a full band with each member being top notch across the board (and that's always gonna be notch above a single performer IMO) ... but it's not unique at all. which is ok if you know that. you know that right?anyway, the sound is tight. other than the lyrics being what you feared they are, the vocals are good. not great. melody in the chorus doesn't quite get the lift it needs ... bridge tries to make itself into something a bit different and that's good but it doesn't really add to the song as much as just seem a bit contrived to be something added to the song as something different in the song ... if you follow what I mean there ... I dunno ... these songs in this style ... they are just so plentiful ... and it's a pity to me ... you have such talent but you seem so hellbent on staying inside the box ... I do know what you mean...this song does lie on the generic side of things. I guess that may be the reason I put that dark-sounding bridge in there. The way I always look at it tho, is that there are way more generic, "non-original" bands out there, and I think their success is just that their hooks and songwriting is so well done, even though their musical tastes don't exactly push the envelope. I generally find that I do better just writing music that sounds great, as opposed to music that sounds different. That doesn't mean I don't try to do new stuff...one of my newer songs has a Tool influenced off-beat drum ostinato, for example. I think single performers can be better than full-band scenario, I mean it is for me...I used to be in bands, but I always found it hard to express my ideas, because alot of them are just hard to explain. So when I write music by myself, I get more control and I have a much easier time getting my ideas from my head to my speakers.

[heckxx]

Dec 7, 2008, 5:52pm, matthoggard wrote:One production note.The kick drum really gets washed out when the heavyness kicks in. You need some cutting eq in the instruments to bring it out. Rythm guitar and bass and kick are all pumping the same frequencies in alot of spots. Just clean it up a little.A little too much of Linkin Park melodically though. Very similar IMO.Your voice is your ticket man. I dig it alot.M~Thanks...what about my song sounds similar to Linkin Park? I mean I know I sound similar to that general style, but did you think I ripped off them in some specific aspect or another?I actually have a hard time trying to figure out what other bands my music sounds like, lol. Because to me, I just sound like all of em, in a sense. So far people have told me AFI and Linkin Park, tho.And I thought I had that bass drum mixed VERY loudly too! I really like the presence of a loud kick...I can't imagine its getting lost, but I guess I'll try to pay attention to that in future mixes.-Jeff

[cjdenecia]

Quote:new stuff...one of my newer songs has a Tool influenced off-beat drum ostinato, for example.there ya go! I'd like to hear that ... couple these generic but professional sounds with something a little more on the heavy emotional side of things ... that'd be worth a listen for sure!and great band to look at too - a bit shortlived but one that did something different. something that in some ways, moved modern metal to a different territory. mix that with some other ingredients and you might hit on something YOU.

[heinsite]

hey jeff--i have to laugh at that (not your words...the general term...) the term "alternative rock". hell,it sounds like rock with just a bit more serious a tone/lyric to me--oh, sorry, it's called creativity!!! NO? still don't know what the hell alt/rock really is, more of a place to put rock tunes or ballads that don't always fit a mold..... sometimes it's crap, sometimes it's creative....i'm voting creative, but maybe just a bit dated, on your tune--but hey, it DOES fit TODAY, imho, but whether somebody puts it in the CUE and it's pitchable in a year or two, who knows?? i like it! anyway, enough of that bitching. i dig this tune, think it's well done. cj up there has some very good and pertinent comments as always, but again, i still hear this as a "forward" for some current listings.well produced man, love the guitar, dig the just a little too soft "get away?" in the background--actually i'd pull that up a bit. this could fit into MANY of today's "heavier" metal listings. just my opinion, hell, just my ears talking...on the lyrics, based on TODAY's stuff on the raydeeoh, this fits just fine--whether it passes the taxi screener test, hell, try it! they are pretty generic, but based on what i'm hearing lately (well hell, last 5 years or so...) there aint allot of meaning coming out of most of the stuff, so this fits BETTER in my damned meaningless opinion, then allot of the crap i'm hearing.oh, and the line something like "when you raise the dead, your hand is pulled" is just plain f-ing brilliant. period. and the rest as i've said, still FITS today, but for how long? who knows?i dug the tune,all the best,warren

[partyofone]

Jeff,Great effort here and I'll try not to repeat too much of some great feedback you've already received. I personally feel your lyric is good as is since most songs in this genre can get away with some ambiguous or obtuse metaphors and such. I think the ominous tone serves the song well. On what you said regarding the more generic bands getting by on hooks and songwriting... I agree completely. I think a good hook with good production can let you get away with a lot. I, like you, find it difficult to write something that is truly NEW sounding when I really focus on that, although it is a commendable goal.I also agree probably a Taxi forward based off what I've heard that gets forwarded.The biggest change I'd like to hear in this deals with the sonics of the mix. I'd like to hear some meatier drums, and as Matt said especially in the chorus when things get really heavy I'd like to FEEL impact. Overall I think perhaps a lot of energy is being taken up by the bass and perhaps some space could be carved out there (don't quote me on that though )Out of curiousity, what monitors do you mix on?