Looking for feedback: "Parades In Heaven"

[heckxx]

Hey everyone, I just recently joined Taxi, and I just submitted my music to a bunch of listings last month. Haven't gotten any responses on any of them yet (they are all still pending), but I would just like some opinions/feedback on my songs.This song is called "Parades In Heaven", its loosely based on a funeral experience I had. Again, I'm just looking for feedback, mainly for improvements for when I get around to re-producing and re-recording this song. Thanks!http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6832713-JeffEDIT: here are the lyrics, forgot about that! Open your eyesAnd witness their beliefsWe can act disguisedBut no one can share their griefThe handles hold a thousand pounds,are never used againA wooden box so beautiful,it never gleams againJust close your eyes to seeThe parades in heavenTell me your nameAnd tell me why you're hereKneel down and prayAnd show them that we careThe weeping from the altar heightsThe drinking from the cup of lifeThe weary voices from his lipsEmotions that we can't dismissJust close your eyes to seeThe parades in heavenJust close your eyes and watch them marchInto oblivionInto the cloudy skiesInto the father's arms

[wrdsnmuzik]

Nice! Good performance, good production. (didn't hear complete song, it cut off after the 2nd verse started)Nits: 1) the vocal seemed a little low in the mix when the chorus first started.2) phrasing sounded a bit odd to me at times, for instance, the first line ("open your eyes") sounded more like "rrrrrropen your eyes." (perhaps there's a language factor at work here) excellent introduction. good luck! gw

[cjdenecia]

Dec 1, 2008, 10:01am, heckxx wrote:Hey everyone, I just recently joined Taxi, and I just submitted my music to a bunch of listings last month. Haven't gotten any responses on any of them yet (they are all still pending), but I would just like some opinions/feedback on my songs.This song is called "Parades In Heaven", its loosely based on a funeral experience I had. Again, I'm just looking for feedback, mainly for improvements for when I get around to re-producing and re-recording this song. Thanks!http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6832713-Jeffit's got a large modern hard pop sound going on .... good air in the 1st verse and yeah, I too hear a bit of a language thing going on ... if english is your second language, try a bit harder to consistent in vocal pronunciations.to the chorus at :38 - excellent. but why ruin it by bothering with that little bit of un-necessary guitar noodling? get back to the meat - play the guitar later ... 2nd verse, built it up a bit sonically ... good .... words seem a bit clunky here and there tho ... like some forced rhymes ... careful ... keep it smooth in these verses - the middle eight/chorus extension ... good ... nice soaring crescendo followed by a better solo location. one thing tho, the falsetto thing is hot today (yesterday mostly), the ability to hit the note full on will always come back into vogue. why? cus lots of people can sing the high notes in falsetto. only the vocal gods can hit the note. be a god.the breakdown is good. and keeping it short is good too .... ok - the song is good. it's modern. it's produced well. it has the big guitar sound and lots of excellent melodic and harmonic additions - the keys that outro add tons ... there's lots of talent in it.and it's sure to fit the bill for a few placements cus it's a soundalike to a lot of bands currently (and over the last few years) but ...it doesn't have much of a "you" stamp on it. ie: competent but a bit generic. I have a friend who's writing this same exact sort of material - it's great stuff but really, the bill is already full of this ....keep the mindset but try to infuse something different into it to take it over the top if what you'd like to have is a unique sound.if it's just a placement with taxi for a client - you're good to go. with some tweaks ... but if you're wanting to move upwards commercially - think outside the box just a little. that'll be $100 for the review. send it to my agent. if you can't pay up within 30 days, I'm sending vito the wonderthug to your mom's house to break all your old GI Joes.unless you can get your mom to make vito pancakes. he loves pancakes. he hates me. but I do pay him. your choice.

[heckxx]

Thanks for the comments so far, wrdsnmuzik and cj...English is my first language actually (I'm asian but I've never been outside of north america). I have had speech/pronouncing problems most of my life tho...which people sometimes mistake as having an asian accent, but really its totally unrelated, lol. I have been working on my vocals alot, and they are definitely going to be much stronger in future songs. I can do vibratos now, and I found the proper singing voice that I want to use.

[rivercitymusic]

Great work with the instrumental side and although the vocals were weak you might be surprised what it may do for the song if you brought in a womans voice on the chorus and even as a back up to blend in on some verse lines.It's gonna have to be someone that blends in with your voice but at a much higher octave range. Try it out with someone you know and see if it doesn't bring it to life.Great work, i wish i had more talent in music and less in drinking.lolDoc

[djdale]

I'll be you get a cut with this great work. Rock On!Just a tip ~ posting the lyrics helps the listener follow along.Well done!Dale

[heckxx]

Dec 1, 2008, 6:30pm, rivercitymusic wrote:Great work with the instrumental side and although the vocals were weak you might be surprised what it may do for the song if you brought in a womans voice on the chorus and even as a back up to blend in on some verse lines.It's gonna have to be someone that blends in with your voice but at a much higher octave range. Try it out with someone you know and see if it doesn't bring it to life.Well, unfortunately I have no access to female singers, and I did get a similar suggestion before actually...but I can't really consider that at this time. Definitely would like to play with that at some time in the future tho, guest singers and all.Dec 1, 2008, 6:46pm, djdale wrote:Just a tip ~ posting the lyrics helps the listener follow along.Sorry about that, I totally forgot somehow! Lyrics are posted now.

[jay10music]

JEFF....U KEEP THIS KIND OF PERFORMANCE UP AND U WILL JUST DO FINE MY FRIEND. Great production....Intro pan Great...Voice...singing....Lyrics...Music...all great.... NICE JOB.... Jay.....

[geo]

Jeff ....Great tune Man..... production sounds great!!!Nothing else to add....Good luck with the subs...Peace, Geo

[zingstone]

For the first 7 seconds the vocal reverb and intro sequencing made it sound like we were in for some Euro-Electronica lite. When the guitars struck up, that was quite a nice surprise.It fits the box, it has pretty much the perfect arrangement, there’s nothing to pee anybody off. Let’s hope you can make a few bucks out of it before they submit the 2009 business plan.Anyway, what’s the point of reviewing anything cj’s already dissected?