"I Was There" - Singer/Songwriter? Folk?

[ideascapes]

Below is a link to a new song I just demo'd. I'm not sure where it came from and am hoping I can get some genuine feedback re: it's viability, genre guesses. Any and all comments are welcome and appreciated.Vince---------------------------------------http://www.broadjam.com/transmit/index. ... hgbndsq=1I Was ThereIn the stormy world of April’s deepest thoughts Sadness was desire In the somber realm of jaded late night talks Regret was the spark for her fire I was there In the solemn land of April’s cautious trustAnger was despairAnd in the tender space of gently moving duskEvery thought was sharedI was thereI was there inside her mind Probing the very thoughts that kept her free I was there all the time Trying to bring her thinking back to me I was thereIn the troubled home of April’s worried mindSilence was concernOn the many nights when we were intertwinedEvery touch was spurnedAnd many things were learnedI was thereI was there inside her mind Probing the very thoughts that kept her free I was there all the time Trying to bring her thinking back to meAnd hoping that she knows that she is freeI was there

[orest]

I couldn't listen to the whole song, something wrong with the player or connection with their server. I could definitely hear some folk elements! Really nice with the piano and violin!! The vocals are really nice, but I would lose the wailing part in the intro.

[anne]

Hi Vince - this is a truly enchanting song. I had to listen a few times (good thing) because there was so much going on. I always try not to read the lyrics as I'm listening the first few times to see if the emotion comes across without them. This definitely does to me. Viability - I think this is viable as a song, but I'm just not sure where. If you have a CD or perform it is definitely viable - the kind of song that a fan would like better than your "singles" but that wouldn't be a single itself (does that make sense?)TV / Film - definitely imho - it sticks to one emotion and it tells that story well, is well performed and well recorded... all the elements - just needs to have the right scene come up.In my opinion, I'd actually pitch this to a publisher (or get a critique from someone familiar with publishing / pitching) to see if they think it is suitable for an artist pitch. Or you may want to see what Casey says if he posts on here, since he is more familiar with that route. I say this because I, again, think the demo is really good and doesn't define it so much that you can't see it in different styles, leaving a lot of applications open. I also don't know if you have a band, release CDs etc, so I don't know how you would use it specifically on your own. I could see it as an indie / singer-songwriter song for sure, as a rock ballad (with different instrumentation, of course), and as a straight up ballad (again with different instrumentation). I don't know enough about modern folk music to advise on that. Nice use of the violin as well - not overdone at all, and it -again- doesn't force this into a genre. I don't feel like I'm being too much help with this because of the genre question! It is demoed in such a way that the listener could plug it into different styles and see it being done (which is exactly what I think demos aim to do).

[kitz]

Vince,Nice progression and production. The music sets the mood very well!! Lyrics are a bit tricky. I'm having to think to hard to decifer their meaning. That's probably just me though. Probing is a word that I don't see in a song like this. It does not fit the context entirely I think. The intro vocal part could be smoother pitchwise if you intend to use it. Also later in the tune. I love the production of the music and the arrangement. Only thing is I miss the bridge. It could use a bridge IMO. The song is cool but the lyrics need some work and add a bridge would be my suggestions.Kitz

[geo]

Hi Vince....Very cool.... I echo Anne's comments here where I could hear this done in many styles....Your production spurns jealousy I like the song alot.... great hook and it's sung with good emotion.... though I would drop the intro wail...As far as the lyrics you have set up a great pattern here... hook very strong.... I get the story I think.... in love with a girl who may be losing it... trying to bring her back? That's what I got.... I think the Probing line in the chorus might be the cause of Kitz confusion... Probing puts the singer in a bad light like a stalker.... I think a little change might work..... maybe...I was there her pain was mineShe struggled with the thought of how it should be I was there all the time Trying to bring her thoughts back to meAnd hoping that she knows that she is free (use both times I think)I was thereSomething like that.... so the singer is now the dutiful companion trying to help his girl out... more sympathetic .... the lyrics have a poetic quality I really like...A bridge would be nice though I personally don't think every song needs one... personal preference there...Good tune Vince.... Peace, Geo

[ideascapes]

orest, Anne, kitz, amp,Greatly appreciate your time and comments--thoughtful, usable stuff in each! Yes, lyric is cryptic, but somehow poetic, emotional. The wailing should go. Song is more suitable for an artist, and I'm not one (I'm a non-performing songwriter/producer)! Might need a bridge (or instrumental interlude).Geo, your lyrical suggestions were very much appreciated--hope I can return the favor some day!Vince

[aldicicco]

Hi Vince!Lovely song, great storytelling and a great mix. Sounded good on the small speakers!I agree with the previous comments on the solo cooing.I see this as appealing in multiple genres and was half waiting for drums and a power ballad to begin. The fact that it didn't go there didnt bother me though. I liked its consistency. The point is this song will have wide appeal IMHO.My only critique is that I wanted it to go on a little longer I was captured by the song plus the mood and wanted it to linger for a while. Perhaps a whistful solo instead of a bridge?I thought about the "probing" lyric. Here's another simple suggestion:"Searching every thought that kept her free"Thanks for sharing this song!Ciao!Al

[wignelson]

Good production on this one, Vince. Thoughtful lyrics, but they may be a bit smarter than me. I hate it when that happens. I think it's about this girl not letting go of her "pain body." Just a guess.Great patches for the strings. Very realistic, but the notes are held a little too long IMO that reveals them to be a patch.Your voice is very nice and suits the song very well; however, I would try to deliver the words a little more relaxed or almost slurred as Michael MacDonald does. Words like "dusk" stand out with your exaggerated pronunciation. Very deliberate and makes me a little nervous.Good hook, yeah a bridge would be nice, but there is no rule against writing a song without one.I'd loose the coo's. Otherwise a very nice listen. Oh, and I'm glad you are over your cold. Wig

[ideascapes]

Al and wig,Really appreciate the detailed comments and suggestings. This thing could turn into a song after all! Consider the "coo's" gone. I'm still thinking about a guitar interlude.V>

[cameron]

Vince,Nice song and production.To me the melody could work in a number of genres, but the lyrics limit it to singer/songwriter album cut. I have a number of songs this way (not as well produced as yours) and for the most part I've never really found an opportunity to pitch them.Cam