Tell me

[carr]

Tell me © Ian Jolley /John Westwoodhttp://www.songramp.com/mod/mps/viewtrack.php? ... =68359Tell meis there a reason.Why your life’s not changed,or been re-arranged(and) feels like summer stopped in mid-season.Tell mewhere are you goingYou've walked for milesand thought of nothing elseand time is wasting.V1You feel the years have been unkindyou've missed your callingleaving second chancesand opportunities knocking.To enter the theatre of dreamsor be seen on the silver screendo what makes you happyto be the man you always wanted to bePre-chorusMake it work(you) try so hardaim highdon't look backmake a change fulfil your dreamTell meis there a reason.Why your life hasnt changed,or been re-arranged(and) feels like summer stopped in mid-season.Tell mewhere are you goingYou've walked for milesand thought of nothing elseand time isn't waiting.

[geo]

Hi, Geo here...... I'll bite..... oh just a little FYI, it helps if you put a little info up there.... what listing it's aimed at.... finished piece, work in progress... etc.... helps people guide their comments in the right direction.... OK... here goes...I take it this is country.... not my fav for genre... but hey, I like this....Lead with the hook/chorus... always good.... you need to define the change into verse better.... so there is more of a difference ..... didn't notice I was in the verse until I looked at the lyrics... having the same music for verse/chorus is cool in my book but you need a feel change... verse quieter, maybe a different drum loop... Pre chorus could be shorter..... or less cliched..... or both (sorry, weakest part of what you have here).....Overall you have to define the lyric more.... bring the story into focus more..... with the hook.... right now the chorus functions more like a verse and the last two lines of the verse more like a hook.... so.....Tell meis there a reason.Why your life’s not changed,or been re-arrangedJust what have you become (season line feel awkward)Tell meIf you agreeNo matter what you doOne thing rings trueYou gotta do what makes you happySomething like that.....You got a great start here Carr..... good luck with it!!!Peace, Geo

[carr]

Hi geo, thanks for listening.Its not aimed at a listing. It is what it is . A pop song up for comment. good bad or indifferentJ

[cameron]

Hey Carr,I didn't hear country here... more indie pop/rock.I felt that there's not enough variation between the verses and the chorus. Also, some of the greatest songs of all time start with a chorus (I'd love to do it all the time myself) but these days it's sort of considered bad form, for some reason I don't quite understand. I don't quite hear a big hook here, so I'd make your choruses your verse and write a new killer chorus. Yeah... I know... and right after that you can build a rocket ship and fly to the moon!! If it was that easy we'd all do it!!The singer's voice sounded a lot like forum member Bill Gaunce to me in places. Even the style of the song's opening lines sounded a lot like Bill to me. That's a good thing BTW.Cam

[geo]

Nov 19, 2008, 5:50pm, carr wrote:Hi geo, thanks for listening.Its not aimed at a listing. It is what it is . A pop song up for comment. good bad or indifferentJNo probs.... got a country vibe.... don't know why..... forgot to ask... are you adding a V2? Bit short as is...Peace, Geo

[carr]

It runs for 1:50 Thats a concern I have but its not intended to be pitched.. It was never meant to be any specific genre. Dont know about a 2nd verse. I didnt write the lyric for this one. Its only the 2nd time working with Ian .Usually i write the lyrics but this time roles were reversed. I just did a little editing to lyric . My contribution was the backing j

[feaker]

jAnother old fart like me. Yahoooooo!Nice tune. Is that you singing? Like the voice.Nice to meet you.Paul

[billg]

Sounds like a 70's radio song to me . . . I like it. Some harmonies in the chorus would help a lot. The bass tone and playing is cool but falls "out of the pocket" a bit, you could tighten that up. And it sure is mighty short! I don't think there are any rules on how long or short a song should be but this one just sounds "unfinished" because of the length.

[geo]

J, V2 could help bring in the focus more..... maybe a "it's not too late/get off your ass and get going" type verse...I like this....Peace, Geo