Fireflies Light the Way

[jchitty]

I shipped this off to a studio (won't say who, it's not Jimi's or anyone's studio here), and I wasn't pleased with the result. I think the backing track is just too fast paced, and that the vocalist was rushed. Plus, the vocalist hit some really odd notes. I wanted to submit this to a listing with younger female artists like Taylor Swift. Anyone got any thoughts on this one? I've always been pleased with every demo I've ever had done, but this one just isn't that good to me. Is it just me, or is this demo worth submitting? Be brutally honest...ya won't hurt my feelings. Maybe I can spend the five bucks, and maybe I'm right about it and shouldn't waste my funds.http://www.taximusic.com/hosting/home.php?userid=2572

[sgs4u]

Chorus melody is in exactly the same note range as the verses. The rhythm of the lyrics in the chorus, is also pretty identical to the verses. So there's no real difference between the verses and the choruses, that's the biggest red flag to me. It just doesn't have enough call and response, in the dynamic of the song. Every line in the verse is the same, and almost every line in the chorus is the same, so unfortunately, it all sounds kinda the same. And musically, each chorus starts with the same chord (the tonic), so there's not much dynamic in the music bed either. You mentioned the speed of the singer's delivery... not that weird to me, but the verse and chorus all sounding the same, is just kind of killing my attention span. On a GOOD SIDE NOTE - It might be a salvageable music only track bed, because - it could be a great Film & TV music only pitch. The sound of the band is a high caliber bluegrass performance. Sometimes music can be great Film & TV pitches when they are broadcast quality like this. If someone was only looking for bluegrass music for 15-25 seconds, you've got a GREAT shot at it. I hope that is helpful Chits!Nov 10, 2008, 12:52pm, jchitty wrote:I shipped this off to a studio (won't say who, it's not Jimi's or anyone's studio here), and I wasn't pleased with the result. I think the backing track is just too fast paced, and that the vocalist was rushed. Plus, the vocalist hit some really odd notes. I wanted to submit this to a listing with younger female artists like Taylor Swift. Anyone got any thoughts on this one? I've always been pleased with every demo I've ever had done, but this one just isn't that good to me. Is it just me, or is this demo worth submitting? Be brutally honest...ya won't hurt my feelings. Maybe I can spend the five bucks, and maybe I'm right about it and shouldn't waste my funds.http://www.taximusic.com/hosting/home.php?userid=2572

[jchitty]

Nov 10, 2008, 1:11pm, sgs4u wrote:Chorus melody is in exactly the same note range as the verses. The rhythm of the lyrics in the chorus, is also pretty identical to the verses. So there's no real difference between the verses and the choruses, that's the biggest red flag to me. It just doesn't have enough call and response, in the dynamic of the song. Every line in the verse is the same, and almost every line in the chorus is the same, so unfortunately, it all sounds kinda the same. And musically, each chorus starts with the same chord (the tonic), so there's not much dynamic in the music bed either. You mentioned the speed of the singer's delivery... not that weird to me, but the verse and chorus all sounding the same, is just kind of killing my attention span. On a GOOD SIDE NOTE - It might be a salvageable music only track bed, because - it could be a great Film & TV music only pitch. The sound of the band is a high caliber bluegrass performance. Sometimes music can be great Film & TV pitches when they are broadcast quality like this. If someone was only looking for bluegrass music for 15-25 seconds, you've got a GREAT shot at it. I hope that is helpful Chits!Nov 10, 2008, 12:52pm, jchitty wrote:I shipped this off to a studio (won't say who, it's not Jimi's or anyone's studio here), and I wasn't pleased with the result. I think the backing track is just too fast paced, and that the vocalist was rushed. Plus, the vocalist hit some really odd notes. I wanted to submit this to a listing with younger female artists like Taylor Swift. Anyone got any thoughts on this one? I've always been pleased with every demo I've ever had done, but this one just isn't that good to me. Is it just me, or is this demo worth submitting? Be brutally honest...ya won't hurt my feelings. Maybe I can spend the five bucks, and maybe I'm right about it and shouldn't waste my funds.http://www.taximusic.com/hosting/home.p ... 2572Thanks, Steve...these thoughts are very helpful, and you're not saying anything I wasn't thinking myself...this song just falls dead in the water. When I sent rough demo of me singing to the studio, there was more chorus and verse differentation, but the demo studio didn't pick up on that. Or maybe I just thought it had a good contrast 'tween the verses and the chorus....you told me what I knew in my gut...the song's melody just goes nowhere. Wow, now that's a great idea! I do have the backing track of just the music, I could submit it as an instrumental only. Thanks for the suggestion.

[linziellen]

Hi Chits,I seem to remember you posting a rough version of this, about March/April time no? I was impressed with the lyric, reminded me of something by "Sixpence None The Richer" and I liked your melody a lot too.I still like it I think the melody is very pretty, it seems a tad rushed, might be a push to sing along and keep up with those verses. I agree with Steve, there's not quite enough difference between the verse and chorus, I can imagine some kind of hearty drum role that really builds up to the chorus.Submitting for an instrumental sounds like a cool idea!Linzi

[jchitty]

Nov 10, 2008, 1:39pm, linziellen wrote:Hi Chits,I seem to remember you posting a rough version of this, about March/April time no? I was impressed with the lyric, reminded me of something by "Sixpence None The Richer" and I liked your melody a lot too.I still like it I think the melody is very pretty, it seems a tad rushed, might be a push to sing along and keep up with those verses. I agree with Steve, there's not quite enough difference between the verse and chorus, I can imagine some kind of hearty drum role that really builds up to the chorus.Submitting for an instrumental sounds like a cool idea!Linzi Yep, I did post this a while back, Lindz...it was me singing to the track, but that didn't work either (me trying to engineer my vocals to it failed miserably, hehe)....so I decided to post the original demo and see what y'all thought. I was gonna submit it last week, but I just can't see spending the five bucks. I agree about it being rushed and the problems with the verse and chorus differentation....as always, thanks for your thoughts!

[devin]

It's all been said above Chits....the extra music helps differentiate your chorus, but the vocal is pretty consistent in range and pace. I'd have a hard time singing all these syllables at the pace too, I think you're right about having to rush.Steve's idea about pitching the bed track is just plain awesome.Sorry to hear about your experience with this group...I think it's still a good song...if the listing had a critique included, it might be worth the $5 to get the lyric commented on? Just a thought, and it mightgo through, but I'm not the expert on what's acceptable for this.P.S. A small funny thing: I first thought the banjo was wrong...that's because I've always panned my banjo to the right side...hehehe!

[jchitty]

Nov 10, 2008, 2:26pm, devin wrote:It's all been said above Chits....the extra music helps differentiate your chorus, but the vocal is pretty consistent in range and pace. I'd have a hard time singing all these syllables at the pace too, I think you're right about having to rush.Steve's idea about pitching the bed track is just plain awesome.Sorry to hear about your experience with this group...I think it's still a good song...if the listing had a critique included, it might be worth the $5 to get the lyric commented on? Just a thought, and it mightgo through, but I'm not the expert on what's acceptable for this.P.S. A small funny thing: I first thought the banjo was wrong...that's because I've always panned my banjo to the right side...hehehe!Thanks for your thoughts, Devin. You win some and ya lose some, and this demo is definitely not one of the best in my collection. I think we're all in agreement about pitching this as an instrumental....instrumental listings, here we come.

[matthoggard]

I really like this song! The bluegrass sound is great.It seems to me the melody that the vocalist used in the chorus should be the lower harmony to the actual melody. Very cool song and lyrics.M~

[billg]

There are a lot of songs where the verse and chorus are very similiar (or even the same) but they are given "lift " with harmonies & backup vocals. I would ask the folks who made the demo for you if they would consider this at a reasonable ( like free!) rate. Adding harmonies and maybe some backround vox would really change things up.

[Casey H]

ChitsI think the song and track are very good and I don't hear any off-key notes. Maybe the vocalist improvised (vocalist "discretion") and they are not the exact notes you wrote. It's hard to get used to something different than what's in your head even if it's really good or even better. My suggestion (too late now) would be to slow the tempo down. They might be able to do that a little with studio software but too much starts to distort the sound quality. MHO is the fast tempo takes away from the impact of the lyric and your lyric is always excellent. If this is a song pitch, there may not be any significant difference with software slowing it down a touch. (Not sure!)Although you can't really fix lack of chorus differentiation with production you can help it a bit. If they made a more significant change to the backing track when the chorus came in-- maybe remove the banjo and add or change something else it might help. (*) See comment below...Whenever you pay for a demo and are not happy, you should talk to the studio and see what can be done. Many will make small adjustments at little or no charge to satisfy the customer. Sometimes you have to pay for the extra time but it's worth it. There were times when I paid my studio an extra hourly fee to change things that weren't really mistakes but things that only became apparent to me when I heard it recorded.(*) Regardless of the demo, as a song pitch you know how high the bar is. At the rally I observed Sherrill Blackman, Nashville song plugger, evaluate some songs on an A&R panel. He went right for the basics-- song structure, chorus differentiation (big factor), unique & non-cliche lyrics, etc. Folks like this will hear a differentiation problem through anything. "Very good" is not good enough, "great" is required. (I really like it, BTW! ) The melody as well as phrasing in the chorus being like the verse (a double-fault) would most likely be a show-stopper for a song pitch. It can't hurt to send it for a listing and get feedback as to that... It's only $5...So, what can you do? See if you can get it fixed as best as possible. Possibly, pay extra for the master rights in case a film/TV opp comes up where it might fit. And, as already suggested, pitch the instrumental track for film/TV. Bear in mind that you need master rights for the instrumental track too.HTH CaseyPS If you email me the mp3, I'll test slowing it down just to see what it would be like even if it degrades the song quality (e.g. test the 'impact', not necessarily a usable track)