Critique it 'This Time'

[djdale]

Quote:i'm noticing a lack of new (or used...LOL) songs for us folks to critique, a definite dip in what maybe used to be TOO MANY, but heck, i might be wrong here, but there just doesn't seem to be as many posts of tunes on peer to peer as there used to be...just an observation, maybe incorrect, but sure seems like it.OK THEN, Warren (and everyone else), please give this a listen through and let me have it (LOL)Actually submitted this one for a listing. I hope the screeners don't read the forums if you have too many negative things to say I haven't figured out how you can stream it, just DL it to you computer and listen. Thanks.It's called THIS TIMEINTROShe told me `Goodbye' at least a dozen timesAnd each time I'd say, `No, please don't leave'Though I was sure she was out the door, she said`What would be different this time'?VERSE 1Do you remember when I went on a bingeRolled my truck into that ditch You thought I was dead and I saidI would get some help that timeCHORUSBut that time was all for showI didn't really want to goI wouldn't admit I couldn't quitWithout some help that timeVERSE 2Then last year we got into a fightI didn't really mean to hurt you that nightThey took me away, locked me up for a dayAnd sent me for help that timeCHORUSBRIDGEI'm down my knees `No, Please don't leave'She opend The Book...I took a look... VERSE 3Said `For three days I've been dry'They all cheered, I began to cryEveryone there knew, including youI would really try this time END CHORUSThis time it's not for showThis time I want to goThis time it's real, I'm gonna healWith God's help this timeThis time it's real, I'm gonna healWith God's...help.......this timewww.taximusic.com/stream/176689/ThisTime.mp3

[wignelson]

Nothing negative to say about this one djdale except that it is a sad subject. I know this from personal experience. (I'll bet I'm the only songwriter who can say this The production is very clean and tight (from what I can hear through my laptop speakers) and I'm sure it will sound fantastic through monitors. I believe that someone will pick this up, although I don't have much experience regarding the commercial nature of music.I think it is a good song and has a positive message about how with God's help, we all have the chance to heal.Thanks for sharing this, Wig

[feaker]

djReally liked this.Don't know why you would ever hesitate to post. Very refined production.Not a country expert. I know it is tough there.Good luck to youPaul

[djdale]

Thank you for your comments. I did some research at AA for this one. I went to quite a few meetings and talked to those recovering, and offered my DJ Service for free to thank them.I give my hat off to those healing...it's a daily struggle.Thanks for opening up to me!God Bless,Dale

[zoom]

really good production and solid structure with a touching storyline. Because of the subject matter I wouldn't know how commercially viable it is, but it's also the subject matter that makes this song stick out.... so there must be a market for it. Then it all comes down to lyrics. I liked some of the details you've worked in here, specific stories of the bad times and the hope that's around the bend. I'm no country expert by any means, but I always think the lyrics need to be "crafted" more for country.... meaning more turns of phrases, more strong rhymes inside the lines, and more rhythmic patterns with the words you choose. And while I like the overall vision and story for this piece, I don't know how it falls in line with other country songs of a similar nature. It seems to me like there could be more refining the lyrics to pass the high bar, but since you've already submitted I'll let the screener come back with comments as they absolutely know where that magic bar is set. But this is definitely a good song with a strong story and a message of hope.... so I'm sure it will land somewhere soon.What was the listing that you submitted for? It's sometimes helpful to get insight on the listing and whether or not your song is a good fit for it than getting insight on how strong your song is in general. Sometimes finding the right listing is the hardest part of songwriting!

[djdale]

I submitted for this listing:CONTEMPORARY COUNTRY HITS a la TRACY LAWRENCE are needed by this star's own Independent Record Label, for his next project. This listing did appear as a Dispatch in order to get the label an immediate batch of songs to listen to, so if you already submitted to D080829CO you may want to submit different material for this one. GREAT songs that say something unique, touching, meaningful, compelling, etc. are needed. All tempos will be considered but mid to uptempo will be preferable here. A slightly Traditional approach is okay for this one, but the overall sound should be current. Conversational lyrics that tell a story, draw the listener in and "grab" with the hook will attract the most attention here. We'll need to be really selective for this one, so PLEASE send in great sounding Demos and most of all... make sure the songs are fantastic! Please submit one to three songs online or per CD, include lyrics. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than October 13, 2008. TAXI #S081013COHope it's a fit.

[cameron]

Haven't listened yet DJ, but funny thing that I was in the middle of writing a song called "Just Fine This Time". Might have to rethink the title now!Cam

[cameron]

Hey DJ,Fine song you've got here... well written and well recorded, but I do wonder if it might be a bit too dark for commercial country radio. I've received that comment a few times on one of my "drinkin" songs (what's the world coming to when you can't talk about drinking in a country song??) but your message is ultimately positive, so maybe it will fly. Hell, you've already demoed it so time will tell.Cam

[wta]

Wow great tune man. LOVE the vocal track! Great backing vocals as well, ya this is really a great production no problems jumped out at me at all... Good luck with this one. '-) wta

[matthoggard]

Glad to see another country songwriter amongst us. Having heard quite alot of "Tracy Lawrences" music I think your on target with the sound and style. This is reminiscent of "Arlington".Sure the overall story is about drinking but there are still plenty of hit songs about drinking. Kenny Chesney, Toby Keith ("Get my drink on") are just a couple of examples. Now getting it past the screeners. The listings are looking at specific things. BUT just because a screener thinks its not the right topic doesnt mean that it cant be pitched.Finding the artist that wants it is the real challenge if Taxi returns it.I think youve got a really stong song here. Story is very conversational. Lyrics are a bit cliched but I think its a standard cliche to say the lyrics are "cliched". Melody line is perfect for the chord structure. I really like the lift in the chorus. I was drawn in immediately and it held my attention right to the end.Got my fingers crossed for you on this one. I think its as good as anything i hear on the radio these days.M~